Now people are already living in a frantic rhythm - they do not get enough sleep, often they get into stressful situations. It is not surprising that the diagnosis of anxiety disorder is being made more and more often. Parents, of course, want their children to be healthy and happy, they seek to protect them from negative factors. Only sometimes they themselves do not notice how they make mistakes in education, because of which the child becomes anxious.
From this article you will learn why, guided by good intentions, it is easy to harm your child. So, there are 6 errors of parents, due to which the child may develop anxiety disorder.
1. Excessive care
At school, a child has so many problems - often an unfair attitude of teachers, nit-picking by older children, quarrels with classmates. Upon hearing this, parents begin to worry and show their emotions. To worry about your child is absolutely normal. It’s probably not worth it to demonstrate their experiences vigorously. Children are sensitive to the emotions of their parents, take them to heart, and in the end they begin to become even more worried that their loved ones are worried.
Parents must be strong so that the child takes an example from them. If he sees that adults react to problems with excitement, he will grow with confidence that this is normal. Therefore, keep control of feelings and anxiety when dealing with the problems of your child. The child needs to feel the support of his parents, to understand that they will always listen carefully to him, encourage him, and help with practical advice.
2. The desire to protect the child from all ills
Parents consider it their duty to protect children. This is a noble impulse, but it often becomes a cause of increased anxiety in a child.
Having learned about the problems at school, the first thing I want to do is to go and deal with the offenders. It is hardly worth giving in to this impulse, because in this case the child will receive 2 signals: the first - he cannot be frank with his parents, and the second - the closest people think that he is not able to deal with his problems. Therefore, parents need to convince their child that they will protect him only when he himself wants it. Better help your child find a solution to his problem that he will bring to life. Only in this way will you be able to educate an independent person who is able to cope with life's difficulties.
3. Compensation of weaknesses
All parents want their child to study well, receive praise from teachers, and generally be a universal favorite. Therefore, they immediately come to the rescue when the child does not succeed.If the child fails the control in algebra, he is hired by a tutor, if there is a clash with a school bully, he is recorded in aikido. It is understandable and logical that the parents’ desire to bring up the weaknesses of their children so that they grow up to be successful people. You need to realize the following: constantly helping your child cope with what he does not succeed in, you focus on the negative.
It is usually not the compensation of personality weaknesses that helps people gain self-confidence, but the focus on strengths. The secret of happiness is simple: you need to do what you do well and not take failure to heart. Instead of fanning the tragedy due to one bad mark and hiring a tutor, it is better to deal with the child in what he shows successes. So he will again believe in himself and in his abilities.
By focusing on the strengths of the child, you grow him into a confident person.
4. Increased focus on strengths
Yes, we just said that we need to focus on strength (and this is true), and now we make it another point. It is really necessary to focus on the strengths of the child, but it is important not to overdo it. This is a difficult task - not to cross the line, after which there are high expectations. Boasting to acquaintances that the son is the future Olympic champion, and the daughter is an excellent pupil and the best student, parents believe that they cheer the children and help them go to the goal. In fact, such speeches exert strong pressure on the psyche of the child. Praise your children when they are doing something, but do not demand more from them because of this success. Due to high expectations, a joyful and positive atmosphere becomes difficult and alarming. After all, the child wants his parents to be proud of him, and is afraid to upset them.
5. The desire to educate a person with high moral values
Perhaps everyone wants their children to grow up as moral people. The problem is that each age has its own values. Teenagers even protest, they cast doubt on everyone. Therefore, it is not entirely correct to punish a child for not following your rules.
It happens that children commit acts, which they later regret. More than once, adolescents committed suicide because of reasons that should never have led to the loss of life. Sometimes children make the wrong decisions - from posting naked photos on the network to watching pornography - and the thought that one of the family members finds out about their act looks like a death penalty. Convince your child that, although moral values are important, you understand how many temptations are around. Otherwise, he will not be able to approach you and tell you about his mistakes, because he will be afraid of condemnation and censure.
6. Silence of own problems
Parents do not want to burden their children with their problems. Financial difficulties, quarrels with her husband, trouble at work - all these are the harsh realities of the adult world. Why dump this negativity on a child who is not guilty of anything? It seems to parents that, without telling their child about adult problems, they protect his peace of mind. Only children are very receptive, so everyone understands even without words. Maybe they do not know the details, but they see the puzzled faces of their parents, they feel tension in the relationship. The child just needs the feeling that something is not right - and he is already beginning to worry.
Does this mean that you need to shoulder all your problems on weak children's shoulders? Of course not. Still, a little honesty in what is connected with your experiences will not hurt. The main thing - not just share your problems with your child, but also explain how you are going to deal with them. So you simulate in your child’s mind the methods of dealing with anxiety.
We also read: 5 myths about anxious children
“Anxiety disorders in children” says psychologist Anna Budko:
Indeed, focusing on the strengths of the child is very important. For example, I never wanted my child to go dancing professionally. But in early childhood she gave the boy to a dance studio for general physical development. Over time, I realized that nothing more fascinated him: neither aikido, nor Greco-Roman wrestling, nor football. But dancing became his only hobby, which turned into a professional hobby.