Why do selfish moms have the happiest children?

Content

“Do not raise children - it is useless, they will still be like you. Educate yourself. " English proverb

We live in a society concentrated around the interests and needs of the child. Often it becomes the absolute - and the only - meaning of the family. Surprisingly, many mothers sincerely believe that becoming staff for their own child will make him happier. Relations with the husband are placed on the "altar of education" ... and indeed any relationship that does not go "for the future" to the little tyrant. Tirana - because a calm and self-confident person cannot be educated by such methods.

Immediately after birth, a woman’s life makes sense. She becomes a mother, a permanent guardian, an extension of her child. She no longer has the right to personal space and time. So they say "good mommies" who act to their own detriment, if the interests of the child require it. Good mothers live for their children. And then they complain about their lack of independence.

All parents are trying to give children what they themselves were deprived of in childhood. Some are trying to “compensate” for their own failure at the expense of the child. He is either forgotten to ask about desires, or, conversely, they are fanatically fulfilled. The result is only mutual discontent and resentment. A child riots, requires more attention and investment. Professional "mothers" argue that over time it will become easier. But the situation as the offspring grows older only worsens, until it ends with the evil: “And who asked me to give birth!”. Heroic dedication has not yet brought anyone benefit.

Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky:

"If the meaning of your life is in another person, then your own life does not make sense."

And he is right. When a child becomes the center of the universe, around which all relatives revolve, he grows up as a real egoist. The desires of others are alien to him, because he is the main one!

What to do? One must not stop living for oneself. No, don’t give up on a child, as many “right” mothers might think. We must value ourselves and live in joy. It will seem selfish towards the child. But who needs your sacrifices? As practice shows - to anyone.

It is about healthy egoism, priority and values. If a mother knows how to rejoice and be happy, children will learn to be happy.

Quotes from popular books

Book L.Petranovskaya “If it’s hard with a child”: “time-outs” during the day, regular rest (a visit to the cinema or lunch with a friend) and mini-trips are necessary in order to have the strength not to break into children.

The book of Anna Bykova “Lazy mother”: every mother should learn to get comfortable with embroidery on the windowsill or “shake out” the negative to the music. For the good of the whole family!

The book of P. Druckerman, "French children do not spit food." Druckerman sings a whole ode to French women who go to work 2 months after giving birth, sleep at night and monitor their appearance!

Nobody calls to leave the baby in the care of grandmother and go to clubs! It is only about how, as a mother, not to lose yourself as a person - that is, about healthy egoism.

What Mothers “Egoists” Do Not

Selfish mothers never:

Do not allow hyperprotection. Keeping track of every step the baby is afraid of going to the toilet is not only tiring, but also unproductive. The mother is exhausted, and the child does not learn independence. It is easier to let him crawl and play on his own, securing the space around him.
Do not seek out disease. “Yazhemateri”, on the contrary, likes to catch sympathetic glances, get nervous and carry a child by paid specialists with or without. “He is one year old, but he doesn’t read poetry!”, “Everyone walks, but he doesn’t - run to the orthopedist!” And be sure to pay.
Do not buy branded things with the last money. A child will grow out of them as fast as from ordinary ones.
Do not get hung up on the "development". It is difficult to disagree with the psychologist Anna Bykova: a child needs games and communication with his mother than reading at the age of 2.5 and classes in a circle for young composers. And for this you do not need to go to the ends of the world, spending a lot of energy.
Does not act to the detriment of oneself. With eyes red from lack of sleep and hungry, she will not go to the park with a stroller. For such cases there is a balcony, also with fresh air! While the baby is sleeping there, she will doze off and dine calmly.
Does not extinguish independence in children. Never humiliate a child’s personality in the process of parenting. Give the baby the right to choose. At any age, let him do what he likes. Of course, with my mother’s help it will turn out much better. But help only when asked.
Does not feel guilty. Remember, guilt won't change anything. There is no point in suffering that you had to go to work and give the baby to kindergarten. Instead, try to really be with the baby, rather than chatting on the phone while walking. No need to worry about the child all the time while at work. You are not only a mother, but also a colleague, girlfriend, wife.

Parents who do not have their own happiness desperately want their children to be happy. But for happiness one does not need a “helpful mother”. We need an adequate, confident and calm. A selfish woman who takes care of herself and remembers that the family is not only a child. It’s not about giving up on raising a hand, but about how not to lose oneself in a decree. Healthy egoism is the right priorities and values.

What do selfish mothers do

Selfish Mother:

Chooses breastfeeding. She understands breastfeeding is primarily convenient. The baby cried at night - chest; ill - chest; I want to lie down, and the child screams - chest! No need to get up in the middle of the night, sterilize bottles, dilute the mixture. And economically, whatever you say! But if it doesn’t work out with breastfeeding, never blame yourself.
It takes care of itself. It is primarily about basic needs: dine on time, take a shower and sleep well. Manicure, hairdresser, coffee with a girlfriend - this is also necessary.
Accepts help from loved ones. First of all, at the husband. Dad in the house is not an element of decor. He will be able to change the baby's diaper, buy groceries, pick up older children from school. The extra blouse and hat that the grandmother put on the child are not so terrible. And grandmothers will certainly be able to play with the child in the ladies no worse than the mother herself.
He remembers her husband. The husband also wants attention and care from the woman.It is not necessary to prepare a three-course dinner to please your loved one. Sometimes it’s enough to talk, hug and be together.
Has a favorite pastime. For some, this is a hobby, and for others, freelance for the soul, which takes a couple of hours a day. The “egoist” will never lose herself on maternity leave. No matter what you do, it’s important that you like it.
Engaged in professional activities. Attends courses, seminars.
Sometimes turns on the "lazy mom." You can’t do all the work. No need to clean the apartment to shine, falling from fatigue. Collecting toys several times a day is also an empty idea. Distribute household duties among all family members, including children.
One day off - the law! Devote at least one day a month only to yourself. Set aside all things, take the children to grandmothers and allow yourself to do what you want. By the way, every adult family member needs such a reboot.

A selfish mother is happy, appreciates herself and enjoys every day, as she has interests and hobbies besides her child. She enjoys life, instead of accumulating discontent and resentment towards family members. And so her husband and children are happy.

What does the child get

All children are empathists; they read parental emotions and model behavior based on them. If a mother is happy, giving herself little joys, the children will also learn to be happy.

Psychologists say that if a woman devotes all her time to a child, it is very harmful and even dangerous, especially for the child. A child who is accustomed to being constantly next to his mother (dad, grandmother, grandfather, any parent), fully involved in his affairs, will never be independent. Moreover, he will not learn to empathize, be attentive to others and notice their needs.

The process of raising and educating children is not limited to a fashionable school and the number of circles. It is much more important to teach the child to make informed choices, to teach how to be confident. Let the “right” mothers consider you selfish. It is better to be like that, all my life, demanding that the child pay off debts that he did not take and did not ask him to give.

Unlimited in games and space and not burdened with hyper-care, the children of mothers “egoists” develop faster and communicate better with their peers. They do not require constant return: “I took you to gymnastics for six months, and you did not become Alina Kabaeva!” They are confident in themselves: mom accepts them as they are, free to choose a hobby and life path.

And finally, these children have a childhood. Mom “egoist”, who knows how to replenish her life balance and take care of herself, will never whine in the presence of a child. And at 3 years old he will not become a small adult, taking care of her.