Child psychologists say that on holidays such as New Year's or birthday, children deserve congratulations and gifts, regardless of how they behaved during the year. Often parents believe that their child “did not deserve a present”, “did not obey”, “received deuces”, so gifts can be forgotten. Are psychologists or parents right?
A wonderful holiday, New Year is the best time to spend it with your family. No matter how the previous year has passed, this holiday is for everyone. It is necessary to forget quarrels, disagreements and grievances, and reconcile during the New Year holidays and stay together as a friendly family.
If you focus on the good, then it will become a hundred times more. That moment, how close people congratulate each other, how they choose and give gifts can be an indicator of the quality of the relationship. We need to try to make the situation in the family these days even better.
Gift as a mirror of the family
Not all parents can afford to give expensive gifts, because many are burdened with loans, and there are several children in the family. Do not be surprised if a child in a letter to Santa Claus asks to give him a tablet, smartphone or a “sophisticated” designer.
They are sure that the gift will be from Santa Claus, the children sincerely believe that the money will be spent not by you, but by Santa Claus. No need to disappoint them and deprive of a festive mood - they do not understand the financial difficulties of their parents. You have to turn on your imagination and offer another gift option.
Children all hear what their parents are talking about and "shake their heads." A seven-year-old child who believes in Santa Claus, and he is aware that gifts can be bought by parents with money earned.
I will have to explain that Santa Claus gives children gifts for children - favorite toys or fascinating designers. When the children write to Santa Claus, you need to unobtrusively switch their attention to another, children's gift, taking into account the interests of everyone.
We also read: What to do if you cannot buy a child a gift that he ordered from Santa Claus
Gift as a manipulation
Sometimes close people seem to compete - who will present the most expensive gift. At the same time they say: “You see, I love you the most!” This is fundamentally wrong, because love is not measured by two expensive gifts a year.
To show love means constantly participating in the lives of children, taking care of them, giving a warm attitude, and not blackmailing him. Bribery should not replace love, and children should learn this as soon as possible.
No matter how your child learns, no matter how he behaves at home or in a kindergarten, never scare him with gifts, don’t take away what was presented - it hurts him, degrades his dignity, and destroys his confidence in the family. Perhaps your children will stop sharing secrets and experiences so as not to lose the desired things.
Gift as a promise
It happens that parents promise to give an expensive gift, but with some condition. “Well, we’ll buy you a tablet, but you’re for it ...” In this case, you need to be prepared for such a finale that the child will not fulfill his promise, at least because of his age at which he is not yet able to answer for his words and actions.
It may happen that the purchased gadget instead of benefit will harm the child. At school, he will be distracted by thoughts of him, and at home to spend all his free time on games, forgetting about the lessons. He can respond to comments with tears and aggression.
Pope Serge is upset. The teacher complains that a 9-year-old boy is dreaming about something in the classroom. It turned out - play a new tablet. Scandals also became more frequent at home, after which, tired and tearful, he sits down at homework. “The child has become aggressive,” dad wonders.
If the gift is harmful to health, interferes with studies, then at the family council you should agree on the rules and regulations. You need to determine the time for games and strictly abide by these rules. And it’s better to postpone the acquisition of complex devices so as not to lead children into temptation.
5 Gift Suggestions
1. A gift is a thing that a child likes, not parents. Most often, children are asked to give them what others have - a smartphone, a tablet. If there is not enough money for an expensive thing, you should come up with an alternative option related to their interests and hobbies.
2. It happens that a child requires something excessively expensive, something that parents are not able to acquire. In all likelihood, he never knew failure, and now he does not understand his parents. We will have to look for a way out of this situation, although this had to be foreseen while it was small. And now you are reaping the benefits.
“Where did my son get such requests?” - complains to the psychologist the mother of a 10-year-old boy. It turns out that Denis was never refused, and now the child is asking for a set of “Lego” for 25 thousand!
What to do in this case? Explain that this year your family budget allows you to buy a gift for a certain amount and offer to keep it.
3. Gifts cannot be taken, even if the child abuses them. Often it is impossible to tear it away from the computer because of the “shooters and tanks”. You have to show smartness and direct his knowledge in the right direction. Instruct him to search for any information, for example, preferential vouchers in a sanatorium, Christmas decorations or a gift for his grandparents. Thus, the child will be distracted from the games and not the child will start working on the computer, but the computer on him. But if this does not help, then more decisive measures need to be taken - to dose the time and monitor the implementation of the regime. But what was presented cannot be taken away.
4. It happens that adults, not agreeing with each other, give an unwanted gift.
Imagine what it means for a girl, Sveta, a gift from a dad who recently left to live in another family. And especially if the gift is a long-awaited puppy. Here are just a stepfather allergic to wool. After long tantrums, scandals and negotiations in the family, they decided: to send the puppy to her grandmother.
But New Year's stories do not always end so happily. It remains only to believe in a miracle - that adults in the family will behave wisely even in conflict situations. Or at least arrange gifts in advance.
5. Even if the child broke or lost a gift, do not scold him or shout “yes you understand how much it cost!” Believe me, the absence of a favorite thing is already a punishment.
We also read:
- How and what to give to children for the New Year? TOP 8 psychologist tips about gifts
- What to give your child for the new year: a list of 100 gift ideas for the upcoming 2019
- Personal video greeting from Santa Claus to your child: create a fairy tale for your baby
- What to do if a child asks for something unreal for the New Year
Judging by what progressive children are now, the gift problem becomes in almost every family. Correctly in the article, the author said that most often children want what other children have. This is true. Moreover, in my opinion, the smaller the child, the easier it is to agree with him. Say, turn his attention to what is beneficial to our parents and our wallet (as it did not sound selfish). For example, to offer the child something that others do not have and to focus on its uniqueness. And the task of the parent in this case is to present this gift as colorful and emotional as possible. It is possible with jokes and jokes, a spectacular appearance from the package, etc. Believe me, your child will remember him!
My husband and I love to pamper our children with gifts. But only always for the event (for example, New Year, birthday, according to the results of the school year). The last couple of years we give only money, and the children themselves buy what they need. Some even learned to save money.
In our family, dad “calls up” with Santa Claus a week before the New Year. And if the son’s desire is impossible or still untimely, then we say that Santa Claus has run out of such things, you need to think about another gift. It works flawlessly.
A child needs to make a New Year's gift for sure, no matter how he behaved. The child should feel the atmosphere of the holiday, love and care. In my school years I gave my son various gadgets: a phone, a mouse, a rug, headphones, a microphone. The main thing is to hear and feel what he wants.
I am sure that psychologists are right. Gifts should not depend on the ratings and behavior of the child. Forgiving gifts will not help, as practice shows. Well, the child will be exemplary before the New Year or Birthday, and then he will go to school again. Sense then? It is necessary to punish not by deprivation of gifts, and do not reward them often.