Child theft is a fairly common problem. And some families have to deal with this regularly. How to understand why a child steals money from parents, and how to behave properly for adults in this difficult situation? The advice of psychologists will help parents take the right position, build relationships with children and avoid future thefts.
Most parents once have to face a situation when a child takes someone else’s thing without demand. And if money is stolen, then this news of parents simply leads to shock and bewilderment, they cannot understand how this could happen and why it happened to their child exactly and how to act in this case. The main thing is not only to find the right words and explain to the child why his action is bad and what consequences it can lead to, but also to understand why the little man committed this act. Then they begin to think about what relatives and friends will say if they find out about it.
Upon learning that his own child is stealing, each parent first of all experiences a shock: “How could my child do this?” Then the adult begins to wonder why it happened, what is his fault in this situation, how to punish the culprit and what to do to prevent this situation from happening again. Most parents, especially mothers, in such cases feel guilty, thinking that they missed something in their upbringing, could not explain and bring to understanding.
First of all, you need to calm down and try to understand the situation and understand whether the child stole the first time or this has already happened before, and parents only now found out about it. Now you need to recognize that the concept of theft is generally not applicable to children in general, because the real life and fantasies of the child in his mind are inseparable. Sometimes he himself cannot realize that his action is so terrible.
Of great importance is the age of the child. If he is 3-5 years old, he simply does not quite understand the difference between his and a stranger, and he is unlikely to be able to restrain his desire to take the thing he likes. But already becoming older, children begin to realize the concept of ownership and belonging to someone.
A kid can, while visiting, take a beautiful toy or book simply because he liked it. Sometimes children secretly take out something from supermarkets, for example, sweets. A child cannot resist so many seductive things, not realizing that all this must first be paid.
If this happened for the first time, mother or father should explain to the child the difference between his own and the stranger and the fact that in stores all things have a price. The mistake of the parents is that they scold the baby for a valuable thing, and if he takes someone else’s book or toy without asking, no one will even pay attention to it. You need to understand that for a child things are not measured in monetary terms, he likes or dislikes them.
The child simply succumbed to the urge to take the thing he liked. No more. Older children should already be clearly aware of the concepts of “their own” and “someone else's,” therefore, in the event of theft, one should understand why the child took such a step.
The task of parents is to convey to the consciousness of the child that other people's things can not be taken without demand. Be sure to ask permission to whom this thing belongs.
What pushes children to steal: reasons
For a long time, adults may not notice the loss of trifles or notes of a small denomination. And once having noticed, write off to your forgetfulness, not attach importance. Some parents assume anything, but do not allow the guilt of their beloved sons and daughters, even in thought. Therefore, the disclosure of truth is literally stunning. Everything secret ever becomes apparent.
The degree of well-being and family wealth is not an indicator. Child theft is observed in single-parent families, in complex ones, where no one is engaged in a child, and in completely normal ones, where adults pay attention and indulge, and pocket money give. What is the reason? Why do children start stealing money from their parents' wallets and pockets?
Psychologists name several main causes of theft
1. The desire to possess some thing
Sometimes the desire to get the thing you like becomes so strong that the child cannot control it. This is especially true for kids who, having seen that an interesting toy was left unattended, can come up and take it for themselves.
The adult's task in this case is to explain to his son or daughter that the thing does not belong to him, and that its owner will be very upset, and will cry. To prove with an example, you can pick up your child’s favorite toy and ask how he feels, you need the child to understand what emotions arise in such situations.
2. Theft for a good cause
Sometimes children steal money, but do not understand that it is bad. A small child can steal money to buy a gift for his mom or friend. It seems to him that he is doing a good deed. When asked where he got the money, the thief can answer that he found and decided that they were draws. In this case, the child needs to explain that even a thing lying on the road does not become the property of the one who found it.
The main thing is to teach by example. If mom or dad, having found any thing on the street, is hiding it in his pocket, the child will consider that it is necessary to do so.
3. Earn credibility among friends
Most children seek to gain authority among their peers (or get the location of older children) and often an occasion to earn this location is some valuable thing. If the child does not have this thing, he can steal it. It is necessary to explain to the child that theft never leads to good, and in this way you can not earn credibility, but spoil your future, and vice versa, become an extremely disrespectful person!
4. Meeting your needs
If a child grows up in a low-income family, he may miss the things that his friends have: fashionable clothes, gadgets, expensive toys. A kid can steal a ball or a doll that his peers have, and teens steal money to provide for their needs and keep up with friends.
Parents first of all need to explain that theft is always a crime. But, at the same time, you need to think: do they provide a son or daughter not only with necessary food and clothing, but also with some things that bring joy and give confidence. Even elementary school students should have small pocket money with them.
5. A sense of revenge
Children can steal in order to take revenge on their offender. If a peer mockingly tells a child that he does not have the latest model of a constructor or a robot and makes fun of other friends, then a feeling of resentment can make him commit an unseemly act. A child will steal from a friend the object of his pride only because of revenge for the insult. It is necessary to teach the child not to respond to the offense of theft. Conflicts need to be resolved, not exacerbated.
Pay attention if the child has a feeling of guilt for the perfect act. Do not immediately scream and beat the baby. Give him a chance to atone! Send it to give the item to the owner. May it immediately become both redemption and punishment for him.
6. Jealousy of peers
Communication between children is very cruel. And for a child who does not have expensive toys, sneakers, a phone, serious attacks can begin. Awkwardness and shame are good reasons for parents to start losing money from their wallet. First, small amounts, later - large bills.
Theft is not able to solve the problem. Adults need not to overlook, not to miss the moment and clearly explain that it is impossible to have everything at once. It is important to convey to the children's consciousness the idea that a person is no worse than others if he does not have an iPhone.
7. "Buying" friends
In the company of guys, often someone stands out who has plenty of pocket money, who can treat his comrades with ice cream or chips at any time. Such a child is always in the spotlight. Children incorrectly believe that friendship is thus acquired. In an effort to make friends, a child can afford to break the rules - start taking money from parents without demand.
By virtue of age, such children still do not understand that such friendships end with money. Parents should explain what real friendship is, how it is achieved and measured.
8. Lack of attention
The most paradoxical reason. When a child just wants to attract the attention of parents. That is, the stolen money is spent on the purchase of items that adults will notice. It turns out that in this case, it was mother and father who were pushing at the desperate step of theft of children, who had missed something global in their upbringing, or had simply plunged into their lives with their heads. No matter how independent the children are, you need to communicate with them - as often as possible.
A similar situation is a signal to action. Parents should completely review their lives and redistribute time so that they find precious hours and minutes for the child.
Let the child understand that the application glued to them can give a lot more emotions than stealing money and things. In this case, the emotions from the application will be positive, but theft - no. Explain that you love and notice him, and if he thinks that this is not so, then he is mistaken. Try to spend more time with your child.
9. Children's immediacy
It happens that children just don’t understand where does the money come from and at the cost of what efforts adults get. There is money in the wallet and from there they all get it as necessary, right? Accordingly, the child can take and spend some amount. It is quite an ordinary matter. In the head of a child there is not even such a thing as theft.
In this case, parents need to explain what labor is, how it is paid. The best prevention of theft is to allow the child to "earn" money with his own labor. Once having experienced how difficult it is, in the future it will be thought whether to take what is earned by others or not to take it without demand.
Having understood the reasons that push children to theft, it will be easier for adults to avoid repeating such situations in the future. Knowing the answer to the "why", it is easy enough to resolve the issue. The main thing is not to close your eyes and not give up. If the child feels permissiveness, this will not lead to anything good. Theft from the pockets of loved ones can develop into theft from strangers.
How can parents “reach out” to the child?
At some point, the parents realize that the child began to steal. Sometimes this happens suddenly (caught on hot) or gradually, after weeks and even months (by guesswork, juxtaposing facts, the appearance of “found” objects, things). After realizing the reality, adults should take a timeout. For some time, it is simply necessary to think over the situation, to find the right way to solve the problem. In no case should you pounce on the culprit with accusations, nor should you pretend that everything is fine. The question is complex and serious. The recommendations of psychologists will be useful to many.
What psychologists advise
[sc name = ”rsa”]
- Responsibility. This has been taught since childhood. Each action is followed by a reaction - good or bad. Various tasks that can be entrusted to a child help to develop this quality. A good way to instill a sense of responsibility for a child is have a petwhich you need to regularly feed, walk. The baby will begin to take care of the animal, will understand that he is responsible for the life of the creature.
- Correct installation. From the first years of life, the child must clearly understand that taking someone else's is forbidden! Understand what is good and what is bad. It is useful to periodically give examples of consequences and penalties for misconduct (in this case, for theft).
- Confidential communication. Even if it is not there, this is something to strive for. The best effect on children is produced by educational conversations. The calm, kindly tone of the conversation contributes to the emergence of the child's trust in parents. In such conversations, the child can ask any questions and hear useful answers. And for adults, this is also a great opportunity to get to the bottom of the reasons pushing the child to certain actions.
- The concept of personal and general. Each family member has things that no one else can take without demand. The kid should understand that loved ones are upset if something happens to valuable objects. The child learns to understand the importance of things by the example of his own values. Therefore, in turn, parents should also respect the personal space of the child.
- Understanding the feelings and emotions of people around. Do not hide your feelings from the baby. This does not mean that in case of misconduct all emotions should be poured into the child's psyche. But each time it is necessary to explain to the child exactly what adults feel, how they worry, what they think when they discover the loss. It is advisable, with clear examples, to explain the possible consequences of bad deeds.
- Attention to the interests of the child. Rarely do any of the children express a desire to do something. Usually, sooner or later, there is a desire to go to football, to dance, to aircraft modeling, programming. Children's interests need to be encouraged and stimulated to develop abilities. This will allow the child to find his place in the world, assert himself, make friends, and usefully spend his free time.
- Inaccessibility of temptation. Often in families it is customary to leave money in sight. And the children have a completely natural desire to take them without demand. It is recommended to allocate a special place to store finances. It’s right when the child in the family does not even know where the purses are being cleaned. The less money appears in the field of view, the less temptation is, the less is the likelihood of unpleasant situations.
- The presence of all necessary. Parents must provide their children with everything they need to grow and grow. This is important and not discussed. But at least sometimes children should be pampered, buy what they really want.And at the same time explain that sometimes the family budget does not allow to realize every desire, that patience and aspiration are needed. So the child can better understand the value of money.
- Pocket money. Issuing a small amount for several days is the best option. The child will learn to control his expenses, make decisions about how much and when to spend, and he will understand how difficult it is to live without money.
- Understand the motives of the child. Understanding what prompted the child to steal is the way to solve the problem. If an acquaintance suggested the idea to him, you should definitely talk with the instigator's parents.
READ ALSO:
Advises Elena Pervukhina
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KDCKkXplT8
Common mistakes that parents should avoid repeating
Search and study the causes of child theft should not be one-sided. Parents may not notice errors in their behavior, while requiring the child to correct the situation. And acting on the offspring by all available methods, adults can, on the contrary, aggravate, provoke new cases of theft, rudeness, disobedience in the future. In such cases, one can not do without the help of specialists.
You need to be strict, but without fanaticism. Awakening feelings of guilt and shame for the perfect, make sure that the child understands your experiences and feelings of those people from whom he stole something. Organize the situation so that he emerges from it without humiliation, but with a clear understanding of the incorrectness of the perfect act. Remember that threats will baffle him.
So, parents are forbidden:
- Putting money, even small amounts, in easily accessible places;
- Focus only on the child’s learning and responsibilities and ignore his life in society. In addition to school, there are relationships with peers, joys, resentments, quarrels. It is important to pay attention to the relationship of the child with friends, to help resolve emerging issues;
- Use force, raise hands on children, scream to find out the truth, the reason for theft. All conversations between parents and children should take place in a calm tone, confidentially. The task of adults is to explain why it is impossible to steal and what the consequences may be;
- Theft is wrong. Ignore the loss of little things from the pockets, from the shelf, from the chest of drawers. If there was already a fact of theft, and it is beyond doubt, then it is time to act, apply measures, somehow react to what happened. And in no case should theft be ignored;
- Tell outsiders about child misconduct. Do not attract outsiders, otherwise you risk not only making your child suffer, but you may even “lose” him. You can not blame a child for theft in the presence of strangers. The circle of the family should be clearly defined, and there is absolutely no need to devote friends, colleagues and distant relatives to family problems. People who know the situation superficially may have the wrong negative opinion about their son or daughter. And the child may experience completely unnecessary complexes, a feeling of being constricted in front of other people.
- You do not need to immediately call the child a thief, otherwise this thought may become stronger in his mind. You are not a prosecutor, you do not need to arrange trials, conduct a confidential conversation with the baby.
The line between a confidential conversation and hours-long morality can be quite difficult for adults. In most cases, the child realizes his guilt, so you should not tell him again and again how wrong he is. Having determined the true cause of the action, you need to find a solution to the problem, try to fix it and warn in the future.
Children need support, even when they are completely wrong. Intimidation, gloomy prospects of life behind bars, appeals to the police are unlikely to result in the desired result. Without mutual understanding between children and parents, confidential communication will not work.
It is precisely a calm conversation during which the son or daughter reveals the reasons for their actions helps to avoid future incidents. A small person who has come back can realize, correct and draw the right conclusions if the parents find the right words. It is not necessary to set a goal only to report and disgrace the child.
Careful attitude to surrounding objects and people's feelings, kindness, empathy - this is absorbed by the child from the outside world. The best way to teach is to become a role model. All moral values are laid down from childhood, when the baby sees and hears from day to day how mom and dad act, talk, and solve certain issues. If you help a child from birth to form a correct impression of the world, then in the process of growing up there will be no serious problems, there will be no motive for committing misconduct.
Having learned about the theft of a child, do not panic, hysteria and rush for a belt. Calm, thoughtful behavior, the desire to understand and forgive the child will help to solve the problem and win the trust and love of a small person and provide you and your children with a favorable outcome.
READ ALSO:
Psychologist consultation: What to do if a child steals money at home from parents from a wallet
The Right to Be Different: Child Theft. Advises Irina Mlodik
At 5 years of age, you can’t take it seriously if the child took, let’s say, money without parental demand. My child, for example, took 100 rubles to the kindergarten and gave it to a friend. We had a conversation with him, but did not scold. Got it 😉
There was such a case with a child. The most important thing is that the first action is not punishment, but finding out the reason and explaining to the child why this is not good. Young children do not have a full understanding. what is good and what is bad, we parents must form this picture. And an instant punishment - to hit, or scold - can leave a psychological trauma on the child.
Our child had his own penny and wallet. Of course, this is old money, for which you can’t buy anything, but he kept his fortune, reviewed and played with them. I never claimed for normal money, maybe because he had a notion that this belongs to adults. I think a lot depends on the upbringing and attention paid to the child. My nephew was left on the street for about five years, he walked on his own. He carried money both from his parents and from us when he came.
My family did not even face such a problem, but children from early childhood have their own piggy banks.Adults and the child himself throws a trifle there, and after it overflows, for this amount we buy what the baby wants.
We had such a case. Daughters 5 years old at that time were barely turned. Her neighbor boy persuaded to steal, otherwise he would not be friends with her. She herself admitted, cried. I did not scold her. She simply said that they are not friends like this, but they are using what theft turns into in the future and praised her for confessing. Since then to this day, she and I have no secrets from each other. She is not afraid of me and tells everything, but I try to find a free minute to listen to and understand her.
If you make a psychological portrait of a stealing child, then first of all, attention is drawn to his goodwill towards others and his openness. Such a child is ready to talk a lot and frankly about himself (naturally, there was no talk of theft in our conversations).
I once worked with a thirteen year old girl. Her relatives were sure that she was stealing money from her stepfather. It turned out that all the thefts were committed by the stepfather’s brother, who tried to blame the girl (he even staged the loss of money from his pocket). And relatives believed that the girl was to blame, because at the age of five she stole money from her mother and bought them treats to her friends.