Constant aggression, fatigue, lack of enthusiasm, lack of strength and guilt that haunts day after day. "What is happening to me?" Very often, many women ask themselves this question. In this video, Lena Danilyuk will tell you what emotional burnout is and give this advice on how to deal with it.
Elena Kalnaya-Danilyuk - mother of three children, psychologist, trainer, psychotherapist, specialist in family and child psychology.
Good day! My name is Yelena. We will talk about burnout syndrome. And even if you are not familiar with this term, believe me, every mother is faced with its symptoms, regardless of how many children she has.
Burnout: how to handle it?
Constant aggression, fatigue, lack of enthusiasm, lack of strength and guilt that haunts day after day - what happens to me?
Very often, many women ask themselves this question, and do not understand why it happened, why they stopped enjoying communication with their husband? It would seem that yesterday such dear, beloved, long-awaited children bring only irritation and constant anxiety?
I want to say that burnout is a very dangerous thing. If sometimes it seems to us that we can deal with it ourselves, then, believe me, this is not always the case, unfortunately.
Because, firstly, relations with her husband deteriorate. This is a vicious circle - constant problems begin, claims to each other, when a woman is all the time unsatisfied, tired, when she wants to squeeze herself out more, she fails.
A man cannot always understand her condition, and, even, believe me, the most sensitive, most reliable person who loves you and your child more than anything else, cannot understand what is happening to another person and why he is always in a bad mood, and what he is not satisfied with.
After all, it would seem that this child and what is happening now, you have been waiting for so long!
In addition, another very dangerous factor in emotional burnout is that all children under 3 years old, especially, and up to 14 years old, almost inclusive, are completely dependent on their mother’s emotional state.
And it doesn’t matter whether you smile at the child or you have a sad face all the time - because the children do not perceive us verbally. They feel what is happening to us and to deceive with them absolutely will not work.
If you feel that you are losing strength, urgently watch a video in which we will discuss how to deal with this and what to do about it.
1. Allow yourself to be not perfect
Mom just needs to acknowledge the fact that she is not perfect.
Unfortunately, in our age of information technology, we often see pictures of unreal moms and unreal people who are always smiling, who are always well-groomed, who are always doing well.
And against their background - we won’t get anywhere from this - we get the impression of complete inferiority and the feeling that we alone do not know the secret secret that helps other women to keep up with everything, to look perfect and still enjoy life at full speed.
But believe me, this is not so!
Therefore, every woman should clearly understand that she has her own supply of strength, and count on him. Do not try to be perfect, do not try to cook 55 dishes.
Ask your man - what will he prefer - a smiling wife and 1 potato with a cutlet for dinner, or foie gras, 150 salads and some stunning dishes, but at the same time a tired, absolutely tortured woman.
Or washed floors, a perfectly sparkling house, but a nervous wife who does not meet him with the words: “How are you?”, But with complaints, requests for help, expressed dissatisfaction about how tired she is and how she lacks personal time.
Do not try to catch everything. Believe me, even if you don’t do anything, except to pay attention to your child, a happy and rested mother who spends her free time while the child is sleeping, to rest herself, is a much more valuable resource for the family, than if you try to manage everything, to embrace the immense, to make a bunch of claims to yourself and this will aggravate even more the feeling of tiredness and persecution.
Therefore, take care of yourself and your strength, and then your children and your husband will only feel love and support from you.
It is very important to understand that your occupation really deserves respect. After all, when a person knows why, he can endure any how.
Remember this!
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2. Prioritize correctly
Properly prioritize.
And who is our priority? Of course, mom! Because she is responsible emotionally for the whole family.
What are some ways to relax mom? How can mom use every free minute to fill herself and thereby give even more love and energy to her family, her family and friends?
I think that a young mother does not have many ways. Not always can we go out, go for a massage or some good party. But there is a way that I want to share with you, and which is kind of universal - communication.
No matter how we are told that sometimes conversations are just a waste of time, believe me, this is a real therapy for a woman.
When a husband comes home, he is not always interested in hearing about diapers, about what you did, which store you went to and how much the new collection of this or that brand costs now.
But if you call a girlfriend, she will discuss this with pleasure. But anyway, if you are doing this all day and if now you are spending your time just talking with your child, and for you these things have become important, you need to discuss this with someone too.
Communicate, put yourself in priority - as soon as more time appears, be sure to give yourself even more attention. Go with friends to massage, to gyms, do something pleasant for yourself because you are in the family in 1st place!
3. Create an action plan
Girls, be sure to make an action plan for every day. Believe me, not only super-fashionable business women or busy business women should have their own action plan. Even if you are sitting at home, it is very important that your day is structured.
What are the benefits of drawing up a plan?
Firstly, when we draw up a plan, it gives us the opportunity to feel our needs and desires even better. We clearly understand what we want and what is really a priority for us now.
Secondly, this is a great way to deal with laziness.Because if we have already planned something for ourselves, it will not be so easy to put it aside, and thereby increase our self-esteem and self-confidence.
We understand that we also have some business, we have some desires, there are prospects, and there are plans for the future. And not so much that we are sitting in 4 walls and see nothing but dishes, a kitchen and a bathroom.
Believe me, if you have your own plan and every day you will add something new there, you will have a wonderful feeling that you continue to live. And accordingly, fatigue will not be so obvious.
In addition, when you draw up a plan, be sure to cross out already done business because when you see at the end of the day how much you could do when you show your husband who asks: “Listen, what have you been doing all day? ", You will say:" I did this, this, this, this, and tomorrow I have planned this, this, and this ", the feeling of fullness of life, the feeling of self-confidence and self-confidence will only increase. And this is exactly what a young mother needs.
4. Combine multiple tasks at once
One of the main causes of accumulation of fatigue in mothers is the feeling that I stop developing. Prior to this, women usually lead a very active lifestyle. When they go on maternity leave, they begin to burn out emotionally from the fact that they cease to learn something new. It seems to them that the world is running behind the window, and I stand still.
Learn to combine, learn to do several things at once!
Now the age of information technology plays into our hands. In fact, you can swim in the pool with a waterproof audio player and listen to lectures, you can ride in a car and listen to audio books, you can choose a new direction in online universities.
Now many world universities pay, free, online and provide training that is all available to us, dear mothers. Can, sitting on maternityactually complete a new education and master a new profession.
The main thing is not to be lazy and remember that everything is in your hands!
5. Go in for sports
The next factor in which many do not realize, but which plays a huge role in our emotional state, is physical activity.
Not only that, with physical exertion, the level of serotonin rises - the hormone of happiness in the blood, which gives us that necessary energy and that surge of emotions that gives rise to strength and the desire to live, create and do something further.
Physical activity, in addition, makes it possible for any person to be more organized, feel better physically, and, as a result, have more opportunities to do in this world, which, in general, is what we need.
If you think that the physical load that you are doing every day is enough - you mean, you drag a stroller or a child all the time in your arms, then I want to say that it is very important to engage in a specific point physical load aimed specifically at your physical condition.
It could be gymnasticsmaybe gypsy, maybe yoga. Now there are a lot of online materials and you can find any coach you like that you only like.
Do not wait when you have 1.5-2 hours for this. 5 minutes a day of regular exercises will raise your mood, muscle tone and serotonin level, which is so necessary for us in order to feel happy, full and running on!
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6. Take time for yourself
I know that so many mothers find it difficult to ask for help. It seems to them that then we will look incompetent or make it clear that we ourselves do not have enough strength.
But believe me, if you ask for help from grandmothers, grandfathers, godparents, sometimes it’s even possible for your husband to spend 1 hour with yourself, go to the park for a walk, just sit on a bench and drink a cup of coffee, which has become a luxury for you, or, finally take a bath that you have been dreaming about for so long, it will fill you all and give you the opportunity to re-with renewed vigor to give love to your near and dear ones.
Therefore, any help to a young mother is priceless! Ask and believe me, you will always find support.
7. Pamper yourself
Pampering yourself for a woman is not an empty phrase. When a woman has a new jewelry, a new outfit, a manicure, a hairstyle, when she looks in the mirror and likes her reflection, her immune system improves at a hormonal level, her health, and more strength appears.
Many psychologists and psychotherapists advise a woman to buy at least some accessory at least once a month. It does not matter how much it costs - at least some very expensive jewelry has the same effect, as well as ordinary jewelry, which simply can show a woman that she is doing something for herself.
We now have a huge fetish - this is a children's fashion. We attach a lot of attention to what our children are wearing. Very often, the lion's share of the family budget when a child appears is spent on new outfits for a child who simply does not care what he is wearing - while mom does not allow herself to buy something for years.
So, I beg you, please stop this situation. Remember that for you to pamper yourself with new, at least elementary outfits - a new scarf, a new hairpin, a new hairstyle, a trip to the nail salon - this is not a luxury! This is a need that allows you to save money on drugs, save money on sedatives, and always feel at the height of your beloved and desired.
You know, there’s a principle that works like when an oxygen mask falls out on the plane, the mother puts the oxygen mask first so that later she has the opportunity to help her child.
This is exactly the same principle. When we put some effort into ourselves and give ourselves the opportunity to get something - this is not selfishness. This is the oxygen mask, which we put on, then we get more strength, more energy and more opportunities to be useful to our loved ones, and to insure their emotional state at the right time.
And last, but most important. Taking care of yourself, you take care of your family. Therefore, do not panic, do not lose heart, take control of yourself - you will succeed!
We also read:
- “I am tired of being a mother”: 5 tips for building a life with a child after a year
- 14 ways to keep your baby busy when mom wants to relax
- 10 ways to get rid of the complex “I am a bad mom”
- 6 tips for mothers who do not have enough time
- How can a young mother deal with her child and household chores?
Yes, it’s really so, through many of the symptoms passed, many left a mark on the relationship with her husband. Not everything goes as smoothly as we would like, but I think that more time can help.
After giving birth, she noticed for herself that a breakdown appeared, the memory became distracted, constantly forgetting something, became inattentive. I thought it would pass by itself. But after a month there weren’t any changes. As soon as she began, her head was spinning, and sometimes tinnitus lounged. I was very scared, shared with my mother, she advised me to drink smart kinkome capsules, which I myself was taking at that time. I had a baby on artificial feeding and therefore I could take it. In the middle of the course, my memory became excellent, I stopped forgetting everything and everywhere, and my attention improved, dizziness and tinnitus went away completely.