It is believed that any woman begins to love her child as soon as she finds out about pregnancy. But there are times when a mother, after seeing her baby after giving birth, realizes that she does not feel love for him. Although this is not customary to talk about, but this does not mean that there are no such women.
If the mother does not feel love for the baby immediately after his birth, this can cause her torment first - “I AM BAD MOTHER”, guilt, and then blooms postpartum depression. She is considered to be an inferior, fake mother and is very worried about this sensation.
Barbara Hopkins, an English teacher from a London school, decided to share her story of having a baby and having love for him to explain to people that situations are different. The mother of a two-year-old kid frankly told the network about her feelings for her son.
I did not feel love for my son at the time of his birth. I felt different feelings when I first saw my child: delight, surprise at the fact that I was able to bear and give birth to this miracle, but at first there was no love, no. Perhaps this is due to cesarean. After the operation, everything hurt, everything was aching inside, I was seriously moving away from anesthesia, and nausea tormented me. In addition, right after the birth I didn’t fully realize that this happened to me. The birth itself was for me something surreal, unexpected and not fully understood. Perhaps there were some other reasons ...
I thought that it takes time to make love for a child. Perhaps she, like breast milk, needs to mature. In the first days, weeks, months after the appearance of the baby, the woman’s life completely changes. Her body, heart and brain are aware and accept these changes gradually.
I have heard from other people all my life that love for a child arises immediately after its birth. She appears as if from nowhere. The first days I was very worried that something was wrong with me. I did not feel love for my newborn son. I was happy, not depressed or sad, but at the same time I did not love the child.
I had no love either in the maternity hospital when my son was just born, or at home when we returned, and I began to get used to a new rhythm of life, in which caring for the baby spent most of the time.
I remember what I thought about these days: “How so? How can it be that I feel the same for my son as for my cat. Is this really normal? Isn't that strange? .. "
I had a feeling as if they had promised me a Maserati, and instead gave Mustang. It was great, but I was expecting something completely different.
And then suddenly love came. I felt that I fell in love desperately and forever. When I looked at my son, my breath caught in my throat. And I did not have enough air to breathe when I saw him.When I thought about him, tears of joy came to my eyes.
My husband and I brought a son to our house on the first day of the new year. The first night was hard for us. Everything was simple at the hospital - nurses cleverly washed, swaddled and fed the baby. At home, it all fell on me and my husband.
The next morning, we were barely alive from fatigue, as the night went very "fun." Billy cried in the middle of the night and did not want to take his chest. I asked my parents to spend the night with us, because I understood that my husband and I could not stand it for a long time.
When Billy cried again in his crib, I went over to reassure him. And then he hit me with his tiny little hand. Tears spilled from my eyes, I sobbed inconsolably and could not stop. It was at this moment that I realized, it was at that moment that my life changed forever and as never before will be. I am connected with this crumb with the strongest ties that you can imagine.
The love that I felt was so strong that it literally stunned me, it was not like anything. I felt omnipotent and was ready to turn the mountains for the sake of my son. The child has become for me the center of the universe.
Sobbing, I asked my father to take a picture of me, because I understood - this moment I want to remember all my life, the moment when I fell in love with my baby. I could not stop crying, tears rolled from my eyes.
The day when I fell in love with my son, I remembered for a lifetime. This moment still stands before my eyes. Quiet music plays, the room is twilight and I stand in front of the crib. Even the greatest director could not have created a more moving and perfect shot.
Adele sang “Feel my love” in the player, and even Stephen Spielberg himself would not have created a better frame. I remembered the day, the moment, the time when I fell in love. I fell in love with my little son. "
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Now I have two of my favorite son, with a difference in age of 10 years. With my first child, I had exactly the same story as with an American mother. For a long time I understood with brains that it was my child, but strong feelings did not arise. But, nevertheless, this did not last long and after about 1-1.5 everything fell into place. I thought it would be so with the second. But no - a feeling of happiness and love came from the very first seconds of birth ... Although hormonal changes in the body for the second time were more difficult.
I think this is a normal phenomenon and everyone goes through it. It's just not customary to talk about it. I do not believe those Disney fairies who immediately after the birth of a child plunge into this cosmic love and seem to not notice everything that is happening around.At first, it is confusion, attempts to recover, cope with duties, lack of sleep, stress and fear for the life of a small person. Only after overcoming all these “charms” of motherhood does this unconditional love suddenly wake up. Someone earlier, someone later.
It was such, only my circumstance provoked my not love for my own child - 2 months before the birth my husband left me. Probably in the pre-delivery and after the delivery period I did not love anyone, not even myself. I don’t know how it would end, but my mother reduced me to a good psychologist for a conversation. Some of his words were hooked - “this is your creation”, “there is half of you in it, and not just from your husband”, “who still needs it, no matter how you do”. In general, now I don’t have a cup of tea in my child, but I reproach myself for that shameful period.