When the baby refuses to share his toys, this causes dissatisfaction with most parents. Adults become ashamed of the behavior of their child, they begin to reproach him, call them "greedy beef" and even punish them. Is it really bad not to share toys? How to cultivate generosity and respect for others in a small person?
Why are children greedy?
Oddly enough, but greed is the normal quality of peanuts. At 2-3 years, the baby often begins to say "this is mine", "give me." This saddens the parents. In the park, you can often see how the mother scolds the child for not sharing the machine with her peer.
Reproaches, phrases like "you do bad things, they will not share with you too" cause only the baby’s tears. As a result, his toy is forcibly taken away and given to another. In such a situation, it is strange that mother stands up for the protection of someone else’s child and does not herself realize how much she offends her.
Psychologists explain that a two-year-old peanut wakes up a sense of self. He slowly begins to realize that he is and there is a big world around. The baby perceives everything that belongs to him as a part of himself. Therefore, in a situation where someone encroaches on his toy, the child simply protects the boundaries of personal space.
If they ask you for a thing that you value, will you give it to another person? Will the charge of greed affect your decision? Of course not. Imagine how your child feels when he is forced to share something. It is important for parents to understand that toys that are presented to the baby are perceived by them as personal property. He has the right to do with them as he wants. It would be strange if someone told us that we should share with other people our mobile phone, wallet, computer, favorite cup, jewelry, car, or we are greedy! Sounds funny.
For a child, his personal toys are the same value as for us - our personal belongings. He, like an adult, has the right not to want to share his personal things with other people, including members of his family. This right is necessary and very important to respect.
Understanding that there is a “stranger” comes a bit later than realizing your “I”. That is why the kids violently guard their own toys, but calmly take them from other children. This behavior is normal and only indicates that the child is developing. He just needs to help quickly learn generosity.
We also read:My child is a greedy - what to do? Fight or put up? Reasons for childhood greed
You are trying to teach your child not to be greedy, but he flatly refuses to share toys on the playground, and answers any tantrum to share tantrums? In the video, together with the psychologist Victoria Luborevich-Torkhova, we identify five phrases that will help the child not to be greedy:
Common Parent Mistakes
If the family has several children, parents often insist that the elders share everything with the younger ones. This approach causes jealousy in babies. It begins to seem to older children that mom and dad love them more - younger brothers and sisters.
In order not to offend your own child, try to avoid the typical mistakes that parents make. The following rules will help:
- Don't reproach child in greed and misbehavior. You bought toys for the baby, even if he decides how to deal with them.
- Do not pick toy forcibly to give to another child. Your baby will regard this as a betrayal.
- Don't apologize Mom a child who asks for something from your son or daughter. Your child is not obliged to do something for others.
- Do not allow others say that your baby is greedy.
- Do not force baby feel guilty. Do not cause a feeling of guilt in the baby due to the fact that the other child is crying. In this situation, the owner of the toy is not to blame for anything. But the mother just needs to explain to another baby that she has her own toys and there are strangers who belong to other children.
- Do not forbid your child to take his toys from other children, but explain that he should do it without using force. If it doesn’t work out, ask the baby’s mother to take the toy and give it to you.
If you can not do without notations, condemn not the child, but his behavior. The words "greedy beef" hurt the baby. Explain to him that offending other children is bad.
The kid is very attached to his toys. If you select them and defiantly pass them on to other babies, the little person will develop a painful sense of ownership. When he grows up, he will continue to be greedy. Some psychologists claim that refusing to share a toy is a hidden childhood fear of losing a mother. Moreover, she should not scold the child, because this will cause him serious injury.
How to teach a child to share?
[sc name = ”rsa”]
It is not possible to quickly bring up qualities such as generosity and respect in a kid. To do this, stock up on remarkable patience. Try to explain to the baby that the toy is not taken from him forever, but only for a while. Try these tricks:
- Exchange. Let the baby give his machine for a short while, and in return receive a gun from a neighbor's boy that he has long liked;
- Priority. If two children laid eyes on one toy, set the schedule and control the game from start to finish: one baby plays for half an hour, the second plays for the next half hour;
- The toy is not taken away forever. Try to convey to the child's consciousness that the toy is not taken, but taken only for a while, to play;
- The toy will not break. Explain to the child that if a neighbor boy plays with his favorite car, it will not deteriorate from this and will return to you safe and sound;
- They may not share with you either. Tell that other children may not share something interesting. Only this needs to be said without reproach and in a positive way;
- Sucker Punch. Offer your child something tasty for sharing his toy. It is a bribery that discounts friendship. However, in a situation where both babies threw a tantrumThis method may work.
If you want something from the child, talk to him gently, without voicing claims. It often happens that it’s enough just to politely ask the baby to give his toy. Many parents in this situation begin to get angry and force the child to do as they say. This results in loud crying and resentment.
Tell your child that playing with other children is more fun than playing alone. Offer him to divide something into all members of the family: give each a liver, an apple.If the baby is able to share, be sure to praise him for his generosity, if not, do not scold him. Read him tales of greed, show cartoons (below is an example of a cartoon).
Be a worthy example. The child learns from relatives the most important thing, even if adults do not notice it! If you are generous to your friends and parents, chances are good that the baby will also strive to share things.
Failure to share toys is not a manifestation of greed and evil character. These are just features of age. When the baby grows up and makes friends, he himself will gladly begin to share and exchange his toys with them.
We also read:
Once upon a time there was Tsarevna - Zhadina!
Once upon a time there was only the Tsarevna, who really did not like to share. This is not a royal thing! And her toys, and gifts, and a slide, and even a swing. Then the friends also stopped sharing with her, and the Princess remained completely alone, because no one wanted to play with such a greedy and mischievous girl:
From the forums
Girls who will advise how to behave when a 3-year-old child does not want to share toys on the street with other children, as soon as he sees that someone else is collecting in the sandbox, heaping all his swords for themselves, and strangers want to play, they give him he does not want to share. I'm tired of explaining what needs to be shared, that the children will not be friends with you, and so on - it does not help. He shares with me and dad. What to do?
>>> this is such a period, do not worry, just explain that you will not give and will not give you. This is his personal belongings - he has the right not to give. My is the same, I taught him to change, but just doesn’t give it, only in exchange, which is already progress)))
>>> Everything needs to be taught, persuaded, told, including by example. Do not worry, your persuasion does not go nowhere, all norms of behavior are formed gradually. Try cartoons (eg “We shared an orange ...”, etc.), games, invented stories, fairy tales, about good children (which is enough for your imagination). Learn to react correctly (without aggression). You don’t always need to just “give” it is possible, because “change”. Convince with the correct, positive phrases “you will give - and they will give you”. Everything will come with time, be patient, persistent, try without ultimatums and punishments.
>> to all mothers: ENOUGH TO BREAK YOUR CHILDREN !!!! Before you accustom or wean something, ask a psychologist about the consequences in the future. You can only suggest: when you play enough or when you want, let us play another. But he must know that it is him and no one will take it, and his mother, who will support everything for him!
>>> It seems to me that you need to take such toys with you that it’s good to play together - a ball, two cars to play catch-up, colored crayons (two sets) ... The kid needs to understand the charm of a collective game. Until he sees the advantages in that that someone is playing with his toys.
I would also tell a fairy tale about some boy (not your child’s name only) who didn’t want to share with anyone, and then he really needed (well, for example, a phone, call his mother) And no one gave him because they remembered how greedy he was. And then, for a happy ending, it was necessary that some kind girl save him and he understood everything, and began to share with all the children.
I re-wrote so many fairy tales to my Polinka as I grew up)))) This is a very good method!9 simple rules for parents
- Be always calm.
- In the conflict of children do not take one side.
- Do not take new toys for a walk: the child will not want to share them, because he has not played enough.
- When collecting the bag, choose with the baby some extra toy that will serve as an object of exchange.
- Conduct home conversations: talk about how to play well with friends, how interesting it is to share something with others.
- If you notice that the child does not want to share toys under any circumstances, do not focus on this and do not scold the baby. Read fairy tales on the topic of greed, watch cartoons.
- Trust your child at home to share everything between family members: give everyone a berry, a liver. The task will be more difficult if the baby shares something that is very dear to him: “Is it delicious? Dad also wants to try. ”
- Praise the child for his generosity.
- How to teach a child to share toys? Set a personal example. For example, you can change with books familiar to mommies.
The rules and advice are simple and really valid, but when it comes time to apply them, you get lost and don’t know what to do. My son is now 1.3 years old. But he already knows what personal property is, because he takes his toys from the children who come to visit us, and sometimes he just goes and hides in another room.
It seems to me that each person should have something different. Let the child not want to share with other toys at the age of 2, but later this will pass. Isn't it easier and even more correct to just wait. Children grow up and everyone begins to understand, isn't it?
Oh, it’s not an easy job, to be a mother and try to teach a child good human qualities, such as generosity, I have boys in my family and they often swear because of toys, I try to explain to them that sometimes by sharing my toy, you can get also something interesting, for example, giving your scoop for a while, you can get a mold for sand, and even better to play toys with other children, for example, in a store or hospital.