How to stop the “nanny carousel” and why the child does not want to make contact with applicants for the role of a nanny? What will help parents make a difficult choice when choosing a nanny? You will find out about it right now.
A good nanny for a child is a great success for parents. This assistant needs to meet the expectations and requirements of both mom and dad, and often grandmother. And, of course, the protagonist of the whole story will like the kid. Choosing a nanny is a real lottery in which adults always participate, but the child wins. What should mom and dad do if their baby cannot "make friends" with any nanny and constantly has to part with them? Psychologist Marina Dvorakovskaya will tell.
Nanny carousel: I must say that if the nannies change often (from once a week to once every 3 months) - because you select by trial (and error), or you don’t like anyone, you cannot agree on the characters and it turns out that the nanny will work a little and leave - a child can simply turn into a neurotic. Children react poorly to the appearance and the disappearance of new adults - after all, everyone needs to build their relationship, and this is energy-intensive business. And if you just get used to it - and the nanny is gone, and more than once, then the child can forget how to believe in people, psychologically shut down. So before bringing a nanny to a child, you should take a good look at her, because here the stability of the psyche of the baby is at stake.
Which child refuses to babysit
The baby who often lacks parental attention often refuses to communicate with the nanny. In a child under the age of 2.5 years, an emotional attachment to a loved one is actively developing. During this period, the foundations of trust in others are laid and an emotional connection with a significant person develops. And it is very desirable that this significant person be just mom.
The main reasons for giving up a nanny
One of the main reasons is the “nanny carousel” - a situation in which the child is constantly changing from the first days of life. The baby is constantly surrounded by new nannies. The nanny for the baby is not a member of the family, this is a completely alien aunt who can leave him at any time if:
- Feels that she is not comfortable and uncomfortable in the baby’s family;
- find a highly paid and profitable job;
- decides to change their profession or move - in a word, leave for various reasons.
We also read: 19 rules that a nanny must follow
A kid (up to 2-3 years old), in whose life this “carousel” appeared, does not feel attachment to significant adults. Therefore, he can reject even the best nanny in the world.
Care of the best nanny in the world. The baby had a wonderful nanny in early childhood. He managed to get used to her as to his mother, and fell in love with her.The unexpected departure of the nanny injured the child, and he does not want to let anyone else close to him.
Huge desire to be with mom. Children from the age of 3.5 years old reject the nanny, hoping that they will have their beloved mother. They still do not know how to express their wishes well with words. But the children know that their bad behavior can make the nanny leave, and they will stay with their mother.
The child feels the fears of the parents.Parents, choosing a nanny for their angels, are always very nervous. They treat each applicant for the role of a nanny with great concern. Moms are sure that no one can take care of their baby better than them. The nanny, in their opinion, doesn’t talk like that with the child, doesn’t feed him like that, doesn’t put on clothes like that, answers children’s questions wrong, etc. He refuses to eat food prepared by the nanny, does not take books from her, refuses to play with her.
Recommendations to parents
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- Understand yourself. Answer your question about whether you are ready to leave your child with a nanny. If you are ready - sort out the degree of trust in it. Undoubtedly, everything related to children needs to be carefully checked and everything related to children needs to be carefully controlled (for this purpose you can use a hidden camera). But keep in mind that you will not find the “right” nanny until you completely get rid of suspicions. It's time to stop the Nanny Carousel!
- Praise the nanny with the child, discuss various issues with her. If you see that a woman copes with her duties perfectly, say only good things about her. The kid must believe: his new nanny is kind, reliable and affectionate. Then he will completely calm down and will be happy to stay with her.
- Find out what excites the baby. Behind the unbearable behavior of a child in relation to his nanny is often a desire to reach out to his parents: the baby has a natural need for close contact with loved ones. Take it seriously! Try to be with your child as often as possible. Otherwise, he will not be able to normally contact not only with the nanny, but also with all other significant people.
- Organize a joint pastime. In English, there is the concept of quality time together - “quality time together” (special free minutes that people give each other). Devote to the baby at least 20 minutes a day, do with him what he wants. The kid will be truly happy! Having enjoyed this magical time, the child will quickly agree to stay with the nanny. Try not to be distracted when spending “quality time together.” Even a glance at the mobile phone’s screen will be regarded by your child as your employment. Keep your phone aside when playing with your child!
- Ask your baby more often: “What would you like to do now with your mom?”. You will find out that he really wants to just stay side by side, play toys, look through books, draw, so that his mother at least once a week takes him out of the kindergarten. Do not forget about the "quality time". It works real miracles!
- Talk to a psychologist. Has your child gone round with a “nanny carousel”? Circumstances separated him from his beloved nanny in early childhood? Talk to a specialist. He will surely tell you several ways to solve your problems.
The perfect combination for the baby - mom + nanny
A full-time nanny is not a good option for children under 2, 5 years old. But many mothers are forced to trust her with their baby until the evening.
A wonderful option is the distribution of responsibilities: the nanny does all the homework (What is the difference between a nanny and a governess?), and mom sits with the child. You can also safely leave the baby with a nanny for several hours a day, so that mom can sleep well, take time for other family members (and, of course, for herself).
For dessert - tricky advice from Marina Dvorakovskaya: “Read fairy tales before bedtime for children (regardless of how tired and in what mood you are), and each morning start with a secret breakfast. It doesn't matter what dish it will consist of. The main thing is that breakfast should be yours personally. These simple habits will bring you closer and strengthen your emotional connection with the baby. "
We read a selection of materials on the topic "nanny for a child":
We had such difficulties. The baby cried and did not want to stay with the nanny. After the two were replaced, I realized that she did not want to let me go. Only joint walks and the enormous efforts of the new nanny gave a good result.
I had to hire a nanny for a child from two years old. I had to change several nannies, as some of the nannies behaved simply inappropriately. But for 3 years now, we have been working with one nanny, whom I trust and the child from her first day at work understands perfectly well that from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., Aunt Natasha is engaged in it, and then mother comes, who reads and fondles the fairy tale. I don’t know why, but my son always understood that the aunt who came to sit with him was just a nanny, not a family member, and he wasn’t even upset when she left in the evening.