Grandmother or nanny: with whom to leave the child

When a young mother is about to leave the decree, the family faces an important question: “Who should the child stay with?” Some decide to entrust the care of the baby to the older generation. Others seek help from a professional nanny. Both options have their obvious pros and cons. And yet, who is better - grandmother or nanny?

A native person or a woman invited from outside? A listing of the advantages and disadvantages of this difficult choice can be found on the pages of magazines, and in numerous women's forums. So friends recommend: “What a nanny if the baby has a grandmother?” But the words of the opposite side also have a reason - sometimes it is easier to find a common language with a nanny than with a close relative. So who to choose?

Dear grandmother

It would seem that if there is a grandmother, then you should not even consider other options. Native people often happily agree to sit with their children. However, such a rosy picture does not always develop.

What should be considered?

Amount of time. Raising a baby is not a carefree pastime, but hard work. Your assistant will have a 50-hour work week if you work eight hours a day plus travel time (if you work far from home). Be sure to ask if your grandmother agrees to this, in case of refusal to have time to pick up a nanny. In addition, she can be hard physically, especially if her grandmother is many years old or she is unwell.
Grandma’s mood. Take the psychological readiness of your mom or mother-in-law seriously. If your grandmother offers help without much enthusiasm, you should not expect anything good from this decision. Very soon, a woman will become annoyed by constant employment, the inability to relax properly. She will spill negativity on you or on the child. Agree, conflicts are inevitable. On the other hand, there are grandmothers who perceive caring for grandchildren as real happiness, they are always ready to help out young parents.

Benefits

If we talk about the health and safety of the child, it is difficult to find a more reliable person than the grandmother. It is still unknown how the unfamiliar aunt will behave with your baby. A loving granny who sincerely wants to sit with her children will always make sure that her grandson is fed, dressed warmly and does not pick up sharp or hot objects.
Most likely, the grandmother will raise a child for free, considering his love the best reward. Agree, this is quite profitable for the family budget. Of course, it also happens that parents pay extra to their own mothers, but these amounts are an order of magnitude less than paying for the services of professional nannies.
The child is constantly under the supervision of one and the same person, well-known and experienced in matters of education. In addition, the baby will not need to get used to the new nanny.
Grandma’s help is especially invaluable when a newborn appears in the family.The grandmother who raised her children is a true professional: she knows how to handle babies, can give advice on feeding, laying down to sleep, dispel the fears of an inexperienced mother.

disadvantages

It is not easy to make complaints to the older generation if you do not pay for hours spent with the baby. Sometimes it happens that a grandmother, providing you a service, begins to interfere in the affairs of your family: criticizes housekeeping, relationships with your spouse, parenting methods.
Grandmothers often indulge their beloved grandchildren: they rush to their aid upon request (they put on children’s shoes), do not insist on a day's sleep, and buy sweets forbidden by their parents — numerous candies and chocolates. This leads to the fact that the child grows independently or begins to manipulate adults: “I’ll go live with my grandmother!” Some grandmothers, on the contrary, consider it their duty to raise an independent personality, which is why they constantly pull and criticize the baby.
Views on children's education in you and your mother (mother-in-law) may not coincide. You want to play with the crumbs educational games, read useful books, engaged in the development of fingers. Grandmother can consider such activities unimportant and put the child in front of the TV - let watching cartoons. Or, for cooking and household chores, she will not have time for joint leisure with the baby.
Grandmother also has urgent matters, which she can warn at the last moment. Finally, she has the right to simply abandon the role of a nurse and teacher, citing fatigue and a desire to stay in silence.

Professional babysitter

Most mothers are tormented by the question: “Can the nanny become a close person for my child?” Many parents are afraid to accept strangers as assistants, despite the positive feedback and recommendations from other employers. Nevertheless, the situation with the visiting nanny has its advantages.

What should be considered?

Age and education. It is necessary that the nanny has a special education (teacher, nurse, psychologist) or experience in the kindergarten. Knowledge early development practices also welcome. For a home teacher, age is also important. The young nanny is more active, with her the baby can run and jump. Middle-aged women are more experienced, still full of energy and strength, but not so easy to climb. Older women are wise and strict, less mobile, often have their own view on all issues of education.

Benefits

Modern nannies are real professionals with many techniques, from developing self-service skills to literacy and preparing for school (it all depends on your needs). With a good nanny, you can not be afraid that you will find your baby in front of the TV.
You pay money, which means that there is no longer that feeling, as with your grandmother, that you are doing a favor. Nannies can dictate terms, express their own requirements regarding the upbringing of the baby, care for him, define the terms of reference and make adjustments to her work (19 rules that a nanny must follow).
Thanks to commodity-money relations with a nanny, it’s easier to arrange for her to sit with her child on a day off or to stay after work. And you don’t have to get scolded from your mother or mother-in-law for the slightest delay or unplanned trip to the cafe.

disadvantages

The nanny is a stranger in the house, she will not be able to give the child as much love, care, attention and warmth as her own grandmother (We also read: girlfriend as a nanny - pros and cons).
Parents are at risk, allowing strangers to communicate with the baby, despite all the assurances of the employment agencies. It is impossible to predict how the nanny will behave with the crumbs and expensive things. The risk is reduced if you take the employee on the recommendation of friends (We also read: how to choose a nanny).
Experienced nannies develop their own style of communication with employers and children. They often think that they know better than parents how to raise a child.
A good helper costs a lot of money.Not all families have the financial ability to pay for babysitting services. You can save money if you do not contact the agency, but write an ad on the Internet in a specialized forum. However, remember that laudations and comments are not always true (We also read: 8 tips for choosing a nanny).

We also read: How to choose a babysitter

If harmony and mutual understanding prevail in relations with grandmother, do not reject her help and desire to be with her grandchildren. If there are disagreements between you regarding the education and upbringing of the younger generation, it is better to use the services of a professional nanny. Thus, you will be able to maintain peace in the family, and your mother or mother-in-law will remain the beloved granny for the baby.

We also read:How not to spoil a child with a grandmother -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/eto-polezno-znat/kak-ne-isportit-rebenka-babushkoy.html

Five cases where grandparents should be stopped -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/eto-polezno-znat/reshaem-problemyi-spora-pokoleniy-5-situatsiy-kogda-neobhodimo-skazat-stop-babushke-i-dedushke.html

GRANDMOTHER VERY PAMPS VIRTUALS AND ALL ALLOWS IT ALLOWS - HOW TO RESPOND TO PARENTS? -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/eto-polezno-znat/babushka-chrezmerno-baluet-vnukov-i-vse-im-pozvolyaet-chto-delat-roditelyam.html

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Tatyana 10/29/2015 at 12:33

From my own experience I know that sometimes it’s more advisable to still hire a nanny. In our family, the story happened rather nasty. They left my daughter at age 4 with my grandmother, my mother-in-law, while they were waiting in line for the garden. At first they tried not to notice the first calls, nevertheless, a loved one takes care of her. But when the daughter began to refuse, with violent tantrums, to eat if she was not fed with a spoon (at 4 years old !!!), she sounded the alarm. The mother-in-law encouraged in general all the actions of the child! She even proudly told how her granddaughter beat a neighbor's dog with a stick “because she was flea”. Then I had to be treated for a long time for vagaries, and I am still in a dumb shock from this situation.
Taisa 03/13/2018 at 15:01

Definitely a nanny and not an old age. As a teacher, I’ll say: the most capricious and spoiled children were brought up by grandmothers and old nannies. These children are not independent, capricious, demanding, difficult to educate. In addition, it is easier to agree with the nanny on issues of upbringing. Grandmothers are always with their opinion, they can not be persuaded.