I was extremely lucky with my grandmother. Sometimes it seems to me that there is simply no other! She's such one at least in a million! Thanks to her, I grew up a smart and decent person. It’s just a shame to be different when so much love, care and all your childhood has been spent under the best slogans of the nobility: dignity, intelligence, honor, education and creativity.
Right position
If they put tags on adults, then I should hang "Grown with love." This is my real wealth! Not a drop of irony in these words. As soon as something important happens in life, I immediately recall the science of my grandmother. She had never let me down!
When I gave birth to a son, my mother, like my grandmother, took a very right position. It consists in the fact that help without interfering and timely issues regarding parenting and child care (“Can this be given?”, “What is the best way to do this?”, etc.). Thanks to this, we have no conflicts in the family related to my son and her grandson. It makes life a lot easier!
Is grandmother the head of the family?
It is very convenient when there is a grandmother who is actively engaged in grandchildren. Most of my parents I know are very grateful. It is very convenient when you can leave your child to grandmother and devote half a day to your business or leisure. It is convenient when you can calmly go to a party with friends and call your grandmother to watch over the younger ones.
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This is very convenient when in the first sleepless weeks after giving birth, you can call your lifeguard grandmother and sleep for an hour or two. Grandmother at this time usually manages not only to take the child, but also to cook something. Yes, such an assistant in the house is extremely convenient!
But once “hour X” comes, when the grandmother begins to realize her need for a young family. When he realizes that it is very necessary. At this time, often her position as an assistant becomes the position of the head of the family. Grandmother believes that she is the main one and everything must be done in accordance with her advice and recommendations, there simply should not be any other opinion - “I am the main one and we will do it in my opinion”!
Many young parents at this moment lack the spirit to argue. Indeed, all these months, the grandmother was the main support, supported in any endeavors, consoled, helped ... Therefore, the parents lose the first “fights” for the command post, not even daring to face a small confrontation. Such behavior convinces the grandmother that she is forever in this family main, helmsman.
The consequences of grandmother-helmsman
Maybe not everything is as bad as it seems at first? Yes, indeed, if you are comfortable with this situation, and the children are fine. That's just it often happens: an allergy sufferer is fed a “healthy” condensed milk, young children gobble up fish soup and sea delicacies, in May a child in woolen socks, the child returns from a walk with a new unplanned haircut, plus a lot of attitudes and moods that undermine the authority of parents.
For the first months, I participated in-law with a mother-in-law in a marathon with regards to dressing-removing a hat on my son’s head. He was born with excellent hair, it was warm in the house, but when my grandmother came to visit us, the first thing she did was take the warmest hat and put on her grandson. All evening I took off my hat, and she put it on again. And this is the most harmless!
At one point, petty skirmishes with my grandmother for the slightest reason I just got. We briefly excommunicated her from her grandson. It has become much calmer! I realized that sitting alone with a child is easier than constantly answering a lot of questions, responding to mouse fuss and listening to “useful” tips about swaddling, feeding, etc.
I was lucky, my mother-in-law very quickly accepted the terms of our truce: since then, my grandmother has come to visit to play, read, walk with her grandson on the street. She no longer intervenes in matters of nutrition, education, dressing, etc.
If you do not eliminate the active steering grandmother from your child’s radar in time, then your authority will be shaken very quickly. The result of this may be that all those moments that did not delight you in your upbringing will be applied to your own child. This will be reflected in his attitudes, worldview, habits, family values, horizons.
Have you read “Bury Me Behind the Baseboard” by Pavel Sanaev? Remember what demoniac grandmother is there? It is a miracle that Pavel Sanaev did not grow up embittered and notorious person, but managed with a share of humor and understanding to transfer his terrible childhood from his grandmother to almost pleasant memories on paper. Such stories convince parents to show firmness in the processes of raising their child. No matter how convenient it is sometimes to drop the child to the grandmother.
Family values
I understand why our grandparents are so selflessly engaged in grandchildren. Family, children, cottage and grandchildren are the pillars on which their whole life rests. Usually, pensioners of our latitudes have no interests except family. It’s not customary for us to take big trips, participate in clubs or campaigns when you are “for ...” ... so only grandchildren and grandparents remain for self-realization.
We also read: The role of grandparents in raising children
Many generations passed the baton on raising children of the family. First, we help with younger brothers or sisters, then we raise our own children, and then grandchildren and great-grandchildren. God forbid, someone break the baton of sacrifice! The exclamations that the heroine grandmother raised two, three, four (underline) her children are especially touching! Remember that these children are ALREADY grown many years ago. The approaches to education and care over the years have changed significantly. It is not necessary on the basis of this argument to rush and ask to raise all other children (grandchildren). Young parents must go their own way, learn from mistakes and gain their own experience.
You can’t refuse to communicate with the older generation, it is a necessary and important part of the life of any person. For me and many of my other peers, this means the warmth of knitted socks, gentle hands, a pleasant rich aroma of pastries throughout the apartment ... These are exciting stories about the war, sweets when they are forbidden by parents. Grandmother is nearby when there is no mom or dad nearby. This is its value and strength.
Grandmother’s destiny is to bake delicious cakes for grandchildren and children, wise timely tips regarding problems and difficulties that I don’t want to share with my parents, learning how to grow, knit and prepare food ... Grandfathers teach grandchildren to craft, fish, cheer for their favorite team.And together with grandparents you can go to the circus or go to the village with great fun! The destiny of parents is to make important decisions regarding the lives of their children (nutrition, education, relaxation, etc.), daily upbringing of a small personality, assistance in becoming, creative and spiritual development. When all roles in the family are distributed correctly, peace and harmony ensue.
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- GRANDMOTHER VERY PAMPS VIRTUALS AND ALL ALLOWS IT ALLOWS - HOW TO RESPOND TO PARENTS?
Do you know the incomprehensible feeling that arises when your views on the upbringing of your child are different from the views of grandparents? The older generation dictates to you how to properly feed your child, learn and entertain. And from this you have a protest in your soul ... See the issue of “Feminine environment” with Yana Kataeva, devoted to the relations of parents, grandchildren and grandmothers:
And here we are incredibly lucky with grandfather. One has only to hint that you need to sit with your granddaughter, he drops everything and rushes to us. Both souls in each other do not chase! Pampers, of course, scolding her. But who should be pampered, if not him.
We also had misunderstandings with my grandmother in terms of hats, socks, complementary foods, window leaves, and the like. I even heard her telling my husband that, well, she spoils the child. Her husband replied that he agrees with my opinion that fresh air with hardening is good, that no food is needed up to 6 months. You don’t need it, some water, etc. ... Gradually, we convinced her that we are still responsible for the child. Frictions still arise, but they pass gently, according to my grandmother, she would have acted differently, but she learned to answer that she raised her children, and now it’s our turn. Probably, grandmothers can also be understood, because the ways of caring for a child have changed a lot and this is probably hard for them to accept, but there is no choice, as it seems to me. If children with grandchildren are completely financially independent of their grandmother, then, in my case, it seems to me that my grandmother can only come to terms and accept that her own child now has her own family and her children, her right to make mistakes and will have peace.