Grandmother spoils her grandchildren and everything allows them: how to react to parents

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Not every family is lucky with grandmothers. Some of them are loving and caring, but more often they become a headache for parents of babies. Sometimes grandmothers prefer to ignore their new role and do not even remember the birthdays of their grandchildren. However, they also do not cause problems. It is much more difficult for mothers and fathers who have to deal with overly caring grandmothers who pamper their grandchildren very much and allow them absolutely everything. What should parents do with such hyper-custody? Is it worth it to react at all? You will find the answers in this article.

What is the use of grandmother's custody for children and the benefit of the fact that grandmother spoils her grandchildren

Many children are envious of their peers, surrounded by the love of grandparents. They are not fed with delicious homemade pies, they are not allowed to do whatever their heart desires. It happens that grandmothers live very far away. Perhaps they are no longer there. Nevertheless, most children have grandmothers. This is wonderful, because only they:

They will sit with the baby when needed.
At any time, a young mother will come to the rescue and give practical advice.
They will make sure that the grandson is full and dressed according to the weather.
They will walk for a long time with the baby, and the modern mother does not have time for this.
Patiently respond to all children's "why".
They will read many books and play educational games.
They will shelter the baby when his parents start a repair or leave somewhere.
They will do good deeds from great love, without demanding anything in return.

A caring and loving grandmother is a real treasure. Having matured, the child will remember with great warmth and nostalgia about the time spent with her, about delicious food, a soft feather bed, about how he poked candy into his pockets, when his mother does not see, patiently took off all the vagaries, indulged and did not scold him for anything .

Cons of grandmother's hyper-custody and spoiling of grandchildren

Unfortunately, not all families have ideal grandmothers who understand everything, forgive any offense, treat their grandchildren with kindness and are ready to give them the last. Among them, there are those that become a disaster for new parents. Their hyper-custody in relation to grandchildren opposes the love of mom and dad, and still does not take into account their opinion. As a result, nothing good comes out for either the children or the relationship between parents and grandmothers.

Most often, only the unlimited love of a grandmother for her grandchildren causes hyper-custody. The problem is that this feeling (in this particular case) does not know the measure. I can’t give love in adequate portions, so the children simply drown in it.

Perhaps the grandmother is an overbearing woman with whom no one dares to argue, or she "recoups" her grandchildren, because at one time she could not give enough love and attention to her own children. The reasons for hyperprotection are not so much important as its negative aspects:

Moms and dads cease to be authorities for the child: after talking with his grandmother, he simply ignores their requests and methods of education.
Parents are nervous, and this strains relations in the family.
The child becomes spoiled, he is overfed with sweets - the daily routine is lost, the diet is violated.
Grandma’s apartment becomes a “baby land”, where everything is allowed. Here you can eat sweets before lunch and throw candy wrappers on the floor, return from a walk later than adults allow, snarl at the elders, throw toys. It is not surprising that adolescents often move to grandmothers to get rid of parental control.
The child is lazy and refuses to independently do what his parents have already taught him, because the grandmother will tie the shoelaces and put on a hat and feed it from a spoon, and stir the sugar in the cup of her beloved grandson. Parents are trying to instill independence skills in a child, but their efforts are going down the drain.
Grandmother imposes her views on clothing, education, training, nutrition. What is the only true thing for her is unacceptable to her parents. Serious disagreements arise on this basis, which often lead to tragic consequences. It happens that a grandmother tries to treat her grandson with herbs, although he urgently needs a doctor, or lubricates burns with oil, which is absolutely impossible. Folk remedies have been used since ancient times, but they can very badly affect all family members.

Such love, manifested by hyper-custody, harms children, so the problem needs to be addressed urgently.

Advice for parents whose grandmothers spoil their children

Hanging out with loving grandparents is an important part of raising a child. Only their influence on younger family members should be limited. Otherwise, problems will arise in the future, especially in children.

If the grandmother does not at all take into account the parental methods of education and crosses all the boundaries of what is permissible, it is worth listening to the following recommendations.

Naturally, each specific situation requires special consideration and analysis, but there are recommendations that will suit most cases.

Analyze the situation. Are you sure that grandmother really spoils her grandson too much, harming him? Maybe you are just jealous of the child to the grandmother, because he is more drawn to her? In the second case, do not commit rash acts. After all, you want the baby to be happy. It is better to thank an elderly person who gives all his love to your child, spends money on him. If your parental authority really is rapidly weakening, then start acting;
Assess the effects of grandmother’s hyper-custody for the child and try to understand what caused her. This will help you outline a further plan of action;
Try to gently explain to your child’s grandmother that she’s wrong, Provide the views of reputable educators, child psychologists. Do not swear, do not make complaints, just state the fact and support your position with arguments;
Leave the last word to you. Let your grandmother understand that your methods of education must be supported in your absence;
If you live with your grandmother, and the situation has become critical, think about parting;
Do not leave your child alone with your grandmother for a long time. Let the baby stay with her for a couple of hours. She will not be able to badly affect her grandson during this time, but everyone will be satisfied.

You can’t change your grandmother and you don’t have the strength to fight her anymore, and do your family have problems because of visits to her? So it's time to introduce extreme measures. If communication with a grandmother affects a child badly, perhaps you should refuse her help.