Help grandmother after childbirth: the arguments "FOR" and "AGAINST"

Content

Everything would be wonderful, but it turns out that the grandmother has her own ideas and methods for caring for the baby. She does not recognize modern literature, the pediatrician is not an authority. She does everything in her own way.

The assistant grandmother, in addition to the positive aspects, has negative ones. This begs the question: do you need help?

Arguments for"

An inexperienced mother with a baby in her arms is hard to cope on her own. What benefits await her if her assistant grandmother is nearby?

Help around the house. Powerful argument! After arriving from the hospital, the work will be doubled. You need to cook, eat, clean the rooms, wash, iron, spread out the clothes, run to the store ... Here the help of my grandmother is invaluable.

The first time the baby often has to be fed day and night. Because of this, the young mother does not get enough sleep, her working capacity decreases. When an assistant is at hand, work is done faster, the husband is fed and time is left for the baby.

Communication. With the advent of the baby, girlfriends, friends, sisters, acquaintances and colleagues remain out of reach. There is an opportunity to talk only by phone while the little one is sleeping. If in summer you can go outside with other mothers, then in winter a woman with a baby is forced to sit in prison.

Grandmother is the person with whom there will always be something to talk about, drink tea, gossip, and distract from household chores.

Rest and free time. When there is someone to look after the baby, there is time to sleep during the day, compensating for the nightly "inconvenience." If you take care of the baby’s nutrition in advance, your mom’s capabilities will expand significantly ...

Evening walks with her husband, run to a friend for a couple of minutes, go to the cinema or cafe. But you never know what a woman wants. Even staying alone, sending a grandmother with a child for a walk is also a vacation. In addition, the proportions of the young mother during pregnancy have changed. Time to upgrade your wardrobe! Shopping for a woman is always relaxation and therapy.

An attachment to the baby is formed. Close, close relationships between people are established through communication. Grandmothers are happy to communicate with little ones. Giving gifts, babysitting, babbling. The more time they spend together, the stronger the emotional connection between them.

It would not be a shame, but the grandchildren who grow up with grandparents are more loved. Natural factor! They just get used to them. Therefore, far-sighted mothers do not forget to regularly visit their parents and their husband.

Irritability is removed. After giving birth, a woman’s life changes in an instant. Diapers, vests, nipples, night feeding, baby crying knock out of the rut. It is not possible to rebuild sharply.Mom can't handle it. Irritability occurs.

Thanks to the assistant, the house is clean and tidy, things are washed and neatly folded, eat cooked on time, food in the refrigerator is available. These little things create coziness and comfort for a young mother. Irritability goes away. She devotes more time to the baby, and this period is no longer perceived as "painful work."

Useful tips. Time passes, but some recommendations remain unchanged. How to bathe a baby, how to hold it in your hands, how to put on a vest, how to talk with a baby, what to do when your stomach hurts. Inexperienced mothers feel insecurity, confusion, anxiety. But grandmother is nearby. She will tell, teach everything!

The ability to build relationships. Relationships do not always develop between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law. Having invited my husband’s mom for a couple of months, there is an opportunity to establish them. Living under one roof, caring for the baby, doing household chores and communicating, people get closer. This is a good foundation for the further development of friendships.

We also read: The role of grandparents in raising children

Arguments against"

When inviting a grandmother to be an assistant, do not forget that this is a person with his own opinion and strong convictions. Not always help in joy. Sometimes it’s much easier and calmer to cope.

Constriction during breastfeeding. The first months the baby spends a lot of time at the chest. This part of the body is exposed quite often. Grandmother in the house. Going to another room is not an option, because you have to run all the time. A long T-shirt is not convenient! I want to see the face of the crumbs, correct and help him. Shy young mother can not avoid discomfort.

Woe helper. The concept of "order" is very relative. Someone neatly puts things in a closet, someone is perfectly level, and someone just out of sight. She didn’t put it there, didn’t wash it, didn’t clean it in time, didn’t wash it thoroughly ... Grandma does everything differently. On the one hand, it is uncomfortable to say - offended, on the other - annoying. When patience breaks, do not pass reproaches and grievances.

Instructions. Grandma’s recommendations are not always helpful. Especially if they are imposed in a tough, uncompromising form. Views on caring for a baby from the Soviet Union and modern are very different. If you have already decided to acquire an assistant, take the trouble to equip her with modern literature. Talk in advance on this topic, prepare for a compromise.

And patience to help you, because to convince old women is quite difficult. Sometimes this is not possible even for reputable pediatricians.

We also read: We solve the problems of the generational dispute: 5 situations when it is necessary to say “stop” to grandparents

Communication of the father with the kid comes to naught. When the father’s assistant in the house has no reason to “mess around” with the baby. The baby has nannies, and the man prefers to step back during this period. Often the reason for this is embarrassment in front of the grandmother.

In the first months, a strong emotional connection is established between father and child. If you miss this moment, then in the future dad will be more difficult to do.

Comfortable but relaxing. Grandma was invited to visit, she is glad to try to take all the troubles of the young family on her shoulders. And it will wash, and wash, and stroke, and eat plenty of food ... But you know, lie with your baby by your side and enjoy life. If your grandmother didn’t move to live with you forever, then paradise life will end soon. Mom will have to independently learn all the delights of everyday life with a baby. Assistant is good, but do not relax. Every fairy tale comes to an end.

Pampers the baby. Grandmothers love to babysit grandchildren. They are ready for days to carry them in their arms and rocking on demand. It will seem ridiculous to you, but babies quickly get used to attention. Lying on their own for 5 minutes on a pillow with a rattle becomes unbearable flour for them. The assistant will leave, and mom will not know what to do: either walk around the house with the baby in her arms, or eat to cook, wash, clean.

The husband does not help. All the while the grandmother lives with a young family, the baby's dad is suspended from participating in caring for the baby. Some compassionate grannies even intentionally do so under the pretext: “What am I here for?”

He spoils the head of the family! The assistant will soon leave the house, and the man can draw the appropriate conclusion: since the grandmother was able, then the wife will manage on her own.

It’s useless to argue! Alas! You are not an authority for grandmother. She raised two, three or more children. He knows better than any pediatricians: how to swaddle a child, be sure to drink water and remove the evil eye. You can talk to her, try to explain, reason. She will pretend that she understood and agrees. But only a young mother is at the threshold, three to four vests will be dressed on the baby and swaddled up and down in swaddling clothes. Then they stick a pacifier in their mouth and will rock it on their hands, even if it has been sleeping soundly for a long time.

On the other hand, to think, these are not such minuses, if you have iron nerves.

Mom or mother in law?

In each family, as a rule, two grandmothers. When it comes to help, a woman first of all examines her mother. This choice is not always successful.

Helper mom. His person, close and dear. You have known each other for a long time and find a common language. There are disputes between you periodically, as in any normal family. You have learned to negotiate, to yield to each other. If not, it is better to refuse help. Excessive hassle you do not need.

Assistant mother in law. If you find a common language and get along, there are no questions. Mom of her husband may be shy to say too much or to do something wrong. Sometimes a mother-in-law is the best choice. Especially if you have a convergent view.

On the other hand, if the husband’s mother considers you to be stupid, worthless, and forever teaches. Do not expect goodness from such an assistant - it will be more expensive for yourself.

When one relative wants to visit, a question arises: to accept or refuse. But what if two helpers?

When both grandmothers offer help

Mom and mother-in-law beg for a nanny, but you don’t know who to refuse. Having preferred one, hurt the feelings of the other. What to do so that no one is offended?

Invite both. At the same time, grandmothers will talk, get to know each other closer. True, they will double pressure on advice, but no one is offended.
Deny everyone. Under the pretext that you decided to cope with your husband yourself in order to develop parental qualities. And this is fundamentally important for you!

In which cases, do not refuse help

After a difficult birth, surgery, cesarean section.
When fatigue has accumulated.
The young mother has health problems.
Severe postpartum depression.
Twins and more were born.

You have long known your relatives and are familiar with your husband’s relatives. Talk to them, find out their views, beliefs. Analyze how loyal they are, how they compromise. How much you have endurance and patience. Make the appropriate conclusion: accept help or refuse.

We also read:

Irina 04/02/2018 at 11:51

I can say with confidence that the help of my grandmother is very necessary, thanks to her, after childbirth, I began to have free time that I could devote to myself, plus additional rest will not hurt!
Olga 04/02/2018 at 12:02

Of course, everything is individual, all people are different. But personally, I am glad that my mother is far away, and I don’t communicate with my mother-in-law, so my husband and I managed only with two children. Immediately with a head into this pool, without concessions in the form of "helpers". Yes, it was hard, but I gave birth for myself, and not for grandmothers. But all the possible mistakes are mine, not strangers, this is my experience. Especially now, in the age of the Internet, young parents can easily find answers to any questions. And, most likely, they will be modern and correct. And of course, a competent pediatrician to help! And communication with grandmothers can be established without their regular participation in the life of grandchildren.
Katia 04/02/2018 at 12:18

For example, I did not feel discomfort in the presence of my mother. On the contrary, I was always glad of any help, and it is invaluable. But the mother took the newborn child as a native, and close people can not do something to the detriment. But from the other grandmother there was no help at all, as a result, the child does not perceive the second grandmother as a native.