Most women who have become mothers (especially those who have given birth to a first-born) are very worried about and without cause. And there is an explanation for this - hormonal changes in the female body. In the eyes of a young mother with a hormonal explosion in the body, even a tiny bruise in a baby takes on tragic dimensions. But let's argue sensibly, is it worth reproaching yourself for everything? Of course, your baby is welcome and beloved, and you pay him maximum attention, but anything happens. These are the children! They are sick and bruised, show interest in everything forbidden, so you should not feel guilty for all the troubles that happened. Adults are required to be extremely attentive to the child, but it is impossible to be responsible for almost everything. And for the points below - it is simply impossible.
1. The baby was born using cesarean
So what? Most importantly, the baby was born! What is the difference: a woman gave birth on her own, or did the doctors decide to “Caesar”? It did not depend on mom. And at the moment it does not matter that the woman during pregnancy complied with all the doctor’s recommendations or was “led” by a highly qualified specialist. No one is safe from such a turn of events, because there is always a chance that something will go wrong according to the “plan”, and you will have to do a cesarean section.
2. Mom gets tired of the baby
All children should be loved and desired, but there comes a time when mommy is “on the edge”. She begins to suffer from the fact that she considers herself guilty of being tired of her child. Do not wind yourself! After all, it’s completely normal when we get tired when doing hard work. And who would argue that taking care of a baby every second is an easy thing? After all, Mom every minute thinks about the needs of the crumbs, about his comfort and creates these conditions for him. And do not be cunning: this is a tedious, although pleasant, work. In this case, the help of loved ones will be very helpful. This will help mom not to become depressed.
3. Mom does not breastfeed (or combines breastfeeding and artificial feeding)
What is a sin to hide, some modern mothers with a sufficient amount of breast milk do not want to breastfeed. This is a separate topic. Other mothers did not plan to breastfeed, but now, under the pressure of relatives and friends, they consider themselves to be "malicious". But it also happens that a woman from the very beginning of pregnancy planned to breastfeed the baby until school, but breast milk is not enough or not at all. There can be many reasons for this: nervous tension, illness, and changes in hormonal levels.However, in any case, you do not need to torment yourself, because the baby needs a calm, loving mother in a good mood, and not tormented by other people's ideas and torn by doubts.
According to statistics, only 80% of women breastfeed infants immediately after birth, by the year their number is reduced to 27%.
However, experts recommend that you do not worry about this and breastfeed as much as you can afford.
4. Mommy wants to go back to work
There is nothing wrong. Why not return to official duties, because it’s difficult for a mother who, for example, held a high position in her company, to put up with a long stay out of work. And it is clear that she is not too comfortable at home as a senior in the kitchen and the main one in swaddling clothes. Or it happens the other way around - financial situation forces mom to go to work earlier. And on the other hand, the health and emotional state of a child is more expensive than business. If the baby accustomed to sleeping in his crib, no longer receives breast milk, often does not get sick, you can think about returning to work. Each mom solves this issue individually, but no matter what decision you make, you don’t need to feel guilty about something. Life makes its own adjustments.
That would return to work, but there is a formidable public opinion: "What normal mother will leave the baby for a year to the nanny?" And please, mom is to blame again.
Studies have shown that children raised by working mothers are more successful in life. So women are more likely to occupy senior paid positions and are happily married.
Yana Kataev: Mom feels guilty when working
5. The house is not in perfect order
Kids are completely different (and this is not a discovery). You can do everything with twins at home, if the kids are calm. And you can feel like a squirrel in a wheel with one baby. And as a result, there’s a mountain of utensils in the kitchen, it’s difficult to maintain the usual order in the house. However, do not be upset: as you know, everything passes. The baby will grow up very soon, you will have more time. It was then that the former order reigned in the house. In the meantime, some responsibilities at home should be assumed by the husband.
READ ALSO: How can a young mother deal with her child and household chores?
6. The kid is not accustomed to the pot! And how much is he? Six months ...
A pot is a serious matter! What to do if the mother-in-law wise by life experience is indignant that the baby is still not accustomed to this mandatory subject? And at the same time, it is completely not taken into account that the baby is only six months old. Be patient, take a deep breath, smile and promise the mother-in-law that by the next visit you will try and the baby will use the toilet, read, write, and count. If your mother-in-law is a smart woman, she will understand everything, and together you will laugh about it. Otherwise, do not waste your nerves.
"How?! Do you still use diapers ?! ” - the mother-in-law, who “came to visit” tragically, asks tragically and rolls her eyes. And she doesn’t care that your Vanya is only six months old, and he began to sit last week. After all, “in their time” there were no diapers, and all the children a year already went to the pot with their feet. Smile and promise that by the next visit of your beloved grandmother, Ivan will not only use the toilet, but also play hockey and read Dostoevsky. A smart mother-in-law will understand the hint, but it is not worth suffering because of the unburdened intellect.
READ ALSO: How to teach a child a potty
7. The first lure - from store jars, not your own cooking
Catastrophe? Of course not. Children's doctors, mothers, grandmothers? users of forums for mothers have completely different opinions on this matter. Some are supporters of self-prepared complementary foods, others are sure that the store is subject to quality control, therefore it is better. Do not worry, do as you think is right.By the way, which is more useful, no one probably knows.
8. Mommy explodes and yells at the baby
Even the most patient mommy sometimes gets mad and breaks down on a child, but this is not critical.If cases of abuse are not uncommon, you should think about your condition. Maybe, depression prevents you from responding to children's actions properly.
9. TV (and gadgets) as a nurse
Yes, watching TV is not good for your child, but watching several cartoons is justified if at this time you have time to cook dinner for the baby.
10. Mom spends time on herself
When a woman has a baby, it seems that all life revolves around him. But do not forget about yourself and your relationship with your husband. This will not only help maintain a psycho-emotional state, but also become a model of a healthy life balance for your children.
We also read:
- 12 things in mom’s life that she shouldn’t be ashamed of
- The happiness of motherhood, or “I want to go out the window” - scary stories of mothers
- 10 ways to get rid of the complex “I am a bad mom”
- How I stopped considering myself a bad mother: the story of mom
- 12 strange habits that "young mothers" are "sick"
- 13 habits that a young mother needs to get rid of
Am I a bad mother? or maternal behavior rating scale
The biggest evil today are gadgets. They are everywhere and it is simply impossible to remove the child’s attention from these toys. I'm more worried about the fact that the baby himself grabs the phone, tablet and turn on cartoons for himself. Therefore, in order not to blame yourself, you need to immediately make it clear to the child that only an adult can give gadgets at certain hours.
With me lay a girl in the postpartum ward, she immediately took a pill to suppress lactation, did not want her breasts to lose shape. Of course, I read to her the notation that the health of the child is much more important than the figure, but it was her choice. We met at the planned passage of specialists and she was very sorry that she did not listen to me that day. Bottles, mixtures and terrible colic in a baby. I hardly slept at night, because her child didn’t even want to take a pacifier, I had to rock her to calm her down somehow. So now think what is more important to you.
I would add postpartum depression here. Fatigue from the baby, even the most long-awaited, lack of help and support, inexperience, sometimes lack of money - all this is stacked on top of each other, but in our society it’s not customary to talk about it openly. Many say that mothers suffer from nonsense, but this is a serious problem.
Half of the problems listed in the article can be avoided if the husband actively helps his wife at least for the first time. Now is not the time when a man worked in production or in the field for 10-12 hours. Half of us men, having served in the office for 8 hours, while away the evening with a can of beer in the garage or at the TV.