Unfortunately, many adults forget too quickly that they were once small. All the mistakes in education that their parents made earlier, they are already transferring to their children, not realizing that often an inadvertently defended word can firmly “sit down” in the child’s head and become a source of serious psychological problems in the future. It is worth recalling, for example, the most unfair and insulting remarks that mothers and fathers now make to children.
1. Nobody asks you
The attempt to "shut up" the child is just an example of a situation that can seriously affect the formation of his personality in the future. Many parents underestimate their children, believing that they simply cannot have any serious thoughts. And then they worry that the baby is growing indifferent, uninitiated, immersed in his inner world. Be sure to allow the child to express himself, even if he wants to say a trifle. In the future, this will greatly facilitate his communication in the team.
2. Your nothing here
So parents say, wanting to emphasize the full dependence of the child on them. Even if mom and dad try in this way to show the baby that things don’t come from nowhere, to teach him to value money and other people's work, the wording was chosen very poorly. If you buy a baby a toy or a new suit, then you and he must clearly understand that this thing is now his property. After all, having come to visit friends, you do not begin to claim the toaster that you presented to the hostess last Christmas!
Of course, the child should know that everything does not appear out of thin air and not just like that, and that adults make efforts to acquire something. But to know that in reality everything that he has does not belong to him just because he is unable to afford it for objective reasons, it’s just nonsense and madness, you know.
3. We owe you nothing
When a husband and wife decide to have a baby, they automatically take on a huge number of obligations with respect to the unborn baby. Moreover, the obligations are both psychological and quite official, which are regulated by law. Caring for a child is the constitutional duty of parents. The Family Code of the Russian Federation has a whole chapter establishing their rights and obligations in relation to children. Trying to prove to a child that this is not so is an outright trick. Why did you even have children then if you do not want to be responsible?
You owe him at least basic care, a roof over his head, food and eight hugs per day.
4. Here comes the father!
Sometimes fathers actually play the role of an "evil cop." More often this image is created not even by the popes themselves, but by the mothers, who have exhausted all means of influence on the naughty child, and decided to resort to the next level of threat.At the same time, the pope may not even have the idea to punish the child, but the image of possible fatherly anger is so densely rooted in the children's consciousness that in the future it interferes with adequate communication between fathers and children. Needless to say, how important is male upbringing for a child and what will he lose if contact with dad fails? Self-doubt, lack of discipline, lack of ambition - this is just a small list of possible problems.
5. All children are like children, and you ...
The surest way to offend a child is to make it clear that his parents don’t like him, and all the other children seem much more attractive to them: smarter, neater, more diligent, calmer ... In this case, it does not matter, only one thing is important: mother considers that they are better. The child’s complexes are formed: he is “not like that”, does not deserve parental love, he doesn’t succeed ...
Firstly, of course, it is not clear where the parents got such information that “all children are like children.” Secondly, it sounds, it seems, more offensive than anything else - it turns out that parents do not like you, and all the other children seem much more attractive to them, although they have no idea that the neighbor's boy is tearing his bugs off their heads. Paradox - why is he better than me?
In fact, it often happens that parents know very well: children cannot say such things. They don’t think at all, and all these phrases break out in their heat, in a fit of irritation and anger. When communicating with a child, it is all the more important to control yourself and not to allow unfair comments.
We also read:
The phrases are disgusting and humiliating. Only immature parents can say this to children. It is a pity that most parents just have children, not because they are ready, but because it is necessary - only who needs it?
In fact, there are a huge number of such phrases. And they are all one and the most unfair for the child. Why? Because from birth he needs parental love, forgiveness, mercy ... For example, say in anger: “Get out!” or “Well, since you don’t want to follow the rules of this house, pack your things and leave” - such phrases can leave a wound in the heart for life.