Our children are like sponges. Therefore, it is very important to be careful and follow the words that you say to your baby. Some phrases that you accidentally throw or in the heat of a quarrel can hurt and affect their self-esteem and future success. What spoken language should be avoided when communicating with a child?
- Comparison with others
Phrases: “Look how fast Dima fastens his coat”; “Polina already knows how to use the pot, but for some reason you don’t”, “Learn from your brother - he brings only five from school.”
Why is this wrong?
Adults mistakenly believe that in this way they motivate the child to new achievements. But instead of support, the child gets a doubt that his parents love him. What if they like Polina’s neighbor girl more? Or maybe my mother loves my older brother Dima much more than me? Along with fear comes the desire to take revenge on a more successful "opponent": pull the pigtail or knock while no one sees.
We fix the error
The child develops at his own pace, according to temperament and other personal characteristics. Compare the baby with him. Create a journal of achievements for this, where you can record every success. Looking through past victories with your child, you push him to new achievements.
- Excessive praise
Phrases: “You are the smartest (successful, beautiful, capable” ...); "Where Leshke is up to you."
Why is this wrong?
We believe that you have something to praise your baby for. The trouble comes when you give out compliments just like that, without good reason. First, a child can turn into a dummy. And secondly, the baby gets used to light praise and becomes dependent on the opinions of others. And in kindergarten and school "for beautiful eyes" will not be praised.
We fix the error
Praise not the baby himself, but his behavior and real efforts. Instead of a phrase “You are the most talented in kindergarten” say: “You painted a wonderful picture. The flowers on it are like living. ”
- Scary forecasts
Phrases: “Do not run - you break your legs”; “Do not grimace - you will remain so”; "You will not sleep during the day - you will not grow up."
Why is this wrong?
Psychologists say that from these phrases the child remembers only the second part: “break”, “stay”, “you will not grow up”. Very soon, mom was surprised to find that her previously lively and curious baby suddenly became timid and insecure. After Mom’s parting words, the child makes a disappointing conclusion: in this terrible world, danger lurks at every step.
We fix the error
Do not make negative predictions, but interest the child in the desired behavior: “If you sleep after lunch, you will gain strength and you can play longer in the sandbox” or “If you eat vegetables and fruits, you will become quick and dexterous and you will ride a scooter faster.”
- Depreciation of effort
Phrases: “You are doing wrong (slowly, messy ...)”; “Let me do it better myself”; "Do not touch the phone (remote control, designer ...), you will break it again."
Why is this wrong?
A baby is not born as an artist, designer or builder. Only practice and mistakes give him the opportunity to learn. With these phrases you make it clear that he is unintelligible and knows nothing. Having grown up, the child will no longer want to realize himself in a drawing club or sports section. By the way, at a certain age, the baby goes through a period of "I myself", during which such phrases can even cause a serious scandal!
We fix the error
Not only successes, but also mistakes give the child life experience and develop self-confidence. Explain that learn from mistakes: "Did not work out? Try again".
- Manipulation
Phrases: “You will soon bring me to the grave with your behavior”; "I got tired of all the nerves."
Why is this wrong?
Wanting to achieve obedience or stop loud screams, the older generation is actively manipulating the baby. Perhaps for a while he will calm down, afraid, as if because of his running around, his mother had not really gotten sick. However, this can help once, twice, and then the child will cease to take complaints seriously and will not pay attention to her mother’s really poor state of health.
We fix the error
To cope with a naughty fidget, switch his attention to another activity. Read your favorite picture book, play “silence”, give coloring and pencils - there are many ways to calm the baby.
- Presentation of an ultimatum
Phrases: “If you don’t eat porridge, you won’t get a cake”; “If you don’t take Lego out for yourself, I won’t turn on the cartoon.”
Why is this wrong?
Such a “barter” relationship, the baby will quickly adopt. Do not be surprised if after a few years you hear an ultimatum: “If you don’t give me a piece of cake, I won’t start eating porridge!”; “I will read the book if only you buy me that robot!”
We fix the error
Do not present ultimatums to the child, but put forward real requirements, conditions that protect his health: “If you don’t put on rubber boots, you won’t go for a walk. There are puddles on the street. ” Feel the difference. With this requirement, you say that you worry and care about the baby.
We also read:How to tell a child "DO NOT" / 5 alternatives to say NO to your child
- Threat to stop loving
Phrases: “I do not need such a grimy child”; “Nobody likes such moody children”; "I will not love you, since you do not obey."
Why is this wrong?
The words that your mother does not love you are the worst that a small child can hear. Perhaps you do not put a negative and threatening meaning into such phrases, but the baby thinks that nobody needs him, and his mother’s love still needs to be earned. He still does not know positive ways, but the scream and whims of parental attention attracts very well. And do not forget about self-esteem, which depends on the opinion of significant adults.
We fix the error
Love the child unconditionally, even when he screams, fights, breaks the rules. Do not criticize the personality of the baby, deal with his act.
We also read:
- 20 phrases that can never be said to children - dangerous words that break a child’s life
- 5 most unfair and offensive phrases from parents that children can hear
Whenever you say something to a child, think for at least a second and put yourself in his place. What would you feel when you heard such words? This is an easy way to understand what is possible and what cannot be said to a baby.
Education of honesty in children. Practical advice on raising an honest child. How to raise honesty in children - https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-vospitat-chestnogo-rebenka.html
I somehow witnessed that a young mother intimidated her child, saying that if you don’t stop running, we’ll give you to an orphanage. It was so wild for me. I even made a remark to her!
The child is really not worth much praise. Such excessive praise will come back in the future. The child will have too high self-esteem. My niece is so ... unfortunately ..
Personally, I am categorically against threatening the child. It does not matter what form it will be, or the deprivation of a toy or something physical, such as punishment. This is the worst thing to do.