Of course, every mother is pleased to feel like the most important person for her baby. But the joy quickly disappears when the child starts to tail after you. Agree, if you keep it constantly in your hands (article on how to wean a child by the hand), then there is absolutely no time left for homework and rest. You have to literally run around the house, trying to get out and cook dinner while the baby is sleeping. What should be done if the child does not let you go for a second?
Why is this happening?
It would seem that mommy has left and returned many times. It's time to get used to and understand that in the short-term separation there is nothing to worry about, but still - screams and loud roars. The reasons for this behavior are not easy to determine, but by setting them, you can correct the situation.
- One whole
In the first years of his life, the baby actively studies the world, which seems huge, unknown and sometimes frightening to him. He receives new knowledge under the supervision of his beloved mother, who is constantly nearby: day and night. It is not surprising that only with her the baby begins to feel completely safe, and if she disappears, anxiety appears.
- Trouble signal
Children's tears are not always caused by moods, bad mood and a desire to stay with their mother. It's just that children under two express all the worries and inconveniences of crying. Take a close look, maybe the baby is cold, his teeth are being cut or stomach ache. We also read: how to understand the causes of crying children
- Fear of loneliness
The baby begins to fear that her mother will not return from the store if her parents use the threat as educational methods: "Do not stop pinching and biting - I’ll leave you!" After hearing this phrase several times, he thinks that he is being abandoned due to poor behavior.
- Mom's anxiety
Since the connection between the child and the mother is strong, the baby feels her anxiety even at a distance and becomes restless himself. He may not understand the cause of your stress (family scandal, financial turmoil), but firmly believe that he needs to be with you.
- Lack of attention
It seems that you spend all day with the crumbs, do not leave the nursery, but he still pulls his hand and constantly reminds himself. This is because you are nearby, but not together: chatting on social networks, chatting with a friend on the phone, or watching endless TV shows. To attract attention, the child begins to act up.
"Mother's daughter. The child is very attached to mom
Overcome excessive affection
So, we figured out the possible sources of reluctance of children to let their mother go. How to help yourself and your baby?
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- Most importantly, be patient. If you can’t distract the child, do your homework together. Learn to comment and show everything that you do in the kitchen (of course, observing safety precautions) or in the living room. In a few years, your child will become a real helper.
- Ordinary hide and seek is a useful activity for developing independence of young children, the ability to remain alone and wait for you. Hide near the child, let him find mom and rejoice. And he will understand that nothing terrible happened while you were gone.
- Try to leave your child with relatives more often: father, grandmother or grandfather. The more children come in contact with other adults, the easier it is for them to let their mothers go.
- Hug, kiss, caress the baby, play his favorite games. Set aside your phone and laptop, and when the child receives the necessary portion of your attention, he will not need to seek his “forbidden” ways.
- Choose the moment when the baby is busy playing and explain that you will leave the room for a short while. For instance: “Dima, I need to make a cup of tea, I’ll be back soon”. Soon the baby will get used to the fact that you keep the promise and come back, which means you can try to leave the house.
- Never go outside secretly, even if you need to leave for a couple of minutes. Imagine a state of crumbs when it discovers that you are missing. He will seek you, sob into the voice, and when you return, he will not move a single step.
- Do not forget that the child reacts sharply to all parental feelings and your sadness before separation can scare him. Go away and come back with a smile on your face. This will facilitate the resolution of this problem.
Mommy tips from forums
My 2.4 cries too when I leave ... I explain to him all the time where I am and why, for example - I need to go to the store, I will come in 10 minutes and bring you the juice, and calmly leave, it seems like she understands, he runs to the window and waving to me along the way, come - I say, well, what cried? he says yes, he was packing ....
Accustom the baby gradually to your absence. Moreover, try not to slip away imperceptibly, but to leave, waving her hand at the same time, you can kiss on the cheek (if you do not grab hold of it). Then leave immediately, without talking, right in front of her eyes .... You can even leave without much reason: just stand at the entrance for 10-15 minutes. and come back. Gradually, the intervals of absence need to be increased. But you must always observe the ritual of farewell: waved your hand “bye, bye, I will come soon” and leave without looking back. When you leave, then with your daughter, of course, someone should stay. She will certainly cry a lot, maybe even fight in hysteria. Nothing. Never mind. Let the one who stays with her explain that mom will come soon. And after 10 minutes. you look, and you're home again! ))) The child should have a stereotype in his head: mom leaves, but she always comes back. The child will cry after your departure for several days. and maybe 2-3 weeks cry, growl. And then it stops. This process of getting used to the absence of mom is very difficult and not easy for both mom and baby. But you need to go this way, because the child will not be able to be with his mother constantly (and vice versa). Start accustoming today and you will see - you will succeed! Good luck
Hello! This age feature is such a norm of behavior.
It begins to seem to the child that the mother has left forever and will not return, hence such unbridled crying.
There is also an opinion that the baby himself is afraid to crawl away and get lost.
I don’t want to scare you, but the fear of rubbing your mother’s so-called, passes in all children at different ages. My daughter only ended at the age of two. Someone before.
The main thing is to continue to explain that Mom will return, Mom is nearby, everything is fine, calm down in every way.***
In order for the child to stop following you on the heels, cry, as soon as you get out of the car or from the house, you need to establish a reliable attachment with him, it is necessary that the child calm down, stop being afraid of losing his mother. And for this, first of all, it is necessary to remove separation from the life of the child wherever it is possible.
When can a child feel separation?
Separate sleep from birth
Early relocation to your room
Fear of "accustom to the pens"
Frequent Separations
Mom’s detachment, thoughtfulness, “wandering in the clouds” (physically close to the child, but far away in thoughts)
Reluctance to talk, ignoring
Timeouts (to room, to corner)
Physical punishment
Resentment at the child, mom "pouting"
Manipulation of love
Bans to cry
Prohibition of being yourself, rejection
The child begins to go to kindergarten
The birth of a brother / sister
The child got lost and scared
Fear of the death of parents
Threats of parting (“mom leaves without you”, “well, stay here alone”)
Give threats to someone if they behave badly
Spent summer at the grandmother
Parents divorce
Excessive severity of parents, authoritarianismThis, of course, is not a complete list. Look, analyze. Try to eliminate what is possible: for example, stop using separating discipline in education, if you use it. It’s great that a baby is sleeping with you from birth, but this, of course, is not a panacea. Although this helps a lot to make up for the contact that was lacking during the day. Especially if, before going to bed, you spend time together, chatting, reading, or something else, but the main thing is that it brings you both positive emotions.
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Do not compare different children, each of them is a separate person with a unique character. But they have a common feature: they equally need parental affection and care, only some are less and others are more. Do not be upset if now the baby is too attached to you and does not let go of you. Soon he will grow up, become independent, and you will finally have free time.
Video: A child does not let his mother go a step: what to do?
Marina Romanenko - psychologist, creator of the “Academy of Professional Parenthood”, a business coach and mother of four (for two with her husband) children, explains why children do not let their mother go one step and how to teach a child to be alone!
How to behave with a “baby tail”? “Council of a child psychologist”
If the child does not let the mother go, this means one thing, the mother does not let the child go. Here you need to try both. Mom’s ray should spend more time doing his own thing, and let the baby play independently with friends.
Our family also faced this problem. While walking on the street, my wife and I leaving the child with other children and at first stood next to each other, and then each time went farther and farther, but did not stop watching him. In the end, our daughter now quietly remains surrounded by other children and does not cry at all, even if she sees that we are far away.
Every year this topic is becoming more relevant ...
Faced such a problem. Daughters 6 years old. Recently, for family problems, I had to leave for 5 days leaving my daughter with my father and grandmother. Upon arrival, she does not move away from me, a hysteria always starts if I tried to go somewhere and leave her at home. I’m trying to talk and explain but it doesn’t help. Tell me how to be?
Well, 6 years is already quite big! I was given to my grandmother at 6 years old for a year (!), Because my parents were getting divorced, they told me that my mother works, and I didn’t suit any tantrums ..
And regarding the article - it is very controversial. At first they say that the problem is a constant joint pastime, when the child perceives the mother already physically as part of himself, and then they advise to remove the separation! Well, it’s nonsense, then the child will not come off his mother at all if he sleeps with them for up to three years. All this “psychology” is very far from reality and common sense.
Hello, my child is 2.2 years old, recently they were in the hospital, he watched cartoons in the evening, didn’t want to go to bed, and at that time I went to the shower, he went out to look for me, cried ... There wasn’t such a thing before, now he’s not one step he doesn’t leave me, everywhere is behind me, and if I am at the door he has a tantrum. Tell me how to overcome this fright and whether it will pass if you do not contact specialists (I mean the psychologist)