Why the baby does not accept any of the relatives and only communicates with mom

The child has a close relationship with his mother by nature, he feels warmth, a heartbeat and her boundless love even before his birth. For a long time, the baby considers his mother a part of himself, a guarantor of his own safety and comfort. Almost every mother knows the sensations when a little tail runs after her everywhere, painfully reacting even to trips to the bathroom and toilet. It happens that a child does not allow anyone close to him, except his mother. Is this behavior normal and how to instill independence and trust in relatives in a child?

My mum. Who are you?

A child under three years old lives and develops with the help of his mother; he experiences her emotions and mood.

A child up to a year of learning to trust the world through his mother, choosing it as the object of his love. For happiness, the baby needs not to be hungry, to be in comfort and to feel the care and reverent attitude of the mother. Great attachment is a healthy state of crumbs. Anxiety should be caused by the inverse feelings of the baby, which indicate problems in mental development.

Of course, not easy when the baby doesn't let you go for a secondthrowing tantrums as soon as you are out of sight. Be patient, psychologists say that the stronger the child in the first year of life is attached to his mother, the more independent he will be after two years.

Often the parent's anxiety is caused by the baby's rejection of relatives. Yesterday, your child smiled at your grandmother, and soon meets her with a cry. The first months of his life, a child cannot assume that his mother can give it into the hands of a stranger. And all whom he does not see for more than two or three days, become strangers automatically. The baby is still focused on mom, builds a relationship with her, and he does not need others yet. It is genetically laid down that the baby considers only the closest ones in his environment, because life confronts him with many strangers every day, even during a walk. A baby closer to five months can already stay with those who live with him constantly. And by the year to agree to communicate with people he likes, if he is convinced that they are not a threat. But this may not happen, since the mental development of each baby is individual.

Attachment Development

Newborn babies can communicate with any positive-minded person. Of course, they are drawn to mom, but other people still do not cause feelings of concern. By six months, the child’s affection for the mother is growing, he distinguishes her from the mass of all people, seeking protection. At this age, the fear of strangers is formed, self-defense.

By the year the child’s affection for loved ones can change, of course, this does not apply to the mother.A kid can suddenly change attitudes towards dad, grandmother and other relatives with whom he recently closely interacted.

A child of two or three years old can both show independence and social adaptability, and abruptly switch to hyper-attachment. At this age, we can already talk about the causes of this behavior and their correction.

We also read: How a child relates to his mother, relatives and strangers, depending on age (from birth to year)

Reasons for Hyper Attachment

In situations where the child is very scared, or left with an unfamiliar nanny, sent to kindergarten, the mother’s demand and the denial of communication with others are understandable. If the child has dramatically changed his attachments to relatives and requires communication only with his mother, you should find the reasons.

1. Mom's excessive custodywhen she doesn’t let the baby go a step away from herself. The child is simply used to always being around, in an unpleasant situation, he feels unprotected, seeing danger, both in the surrounding life and in other people.
2. Loss of a loved onewhen a person who became close to the child, in connection with the move, divorce, possible tragic events, fell out of the life of the baby. The child subconsciously projects the situation on the mother, so he has a fear of losing her.
3. Indifference and cruelty. If, for example, the father shows excessive rigidity in education, the baby seeks protection from his mother.
4. Conflicts, stresses, fears. If the baby has negative emotions, memories associated with people who were once close to him, he will also seek the protection of his mother.

Overcoming the problem

If the baby’s affection for mom becomes painful, pay attention to the following tips.

• Calm Try to avoid conflicts and negative mood in the family. A child, like no one, sharply reacts to the behavior of parents and people close to him. Let your baby be aware of the calm and ease of communication with each member of the family;
• Security at home. Make sure that the environment does not become like a minefield for a baby, secure the house, remove dangerous objects. This will allow your child to calmly explore the space around and not hear endless "dangerous", "do not go." After all, even if the beloved grandmother will always repeat the danger, the child will decide to replace her communication with her mother's, following the instinct of self-preservation;
• Gradual weaning. Do not abruptly leave the child to relatives if he is categorically against and begins to get hysterical. Accustom him gradually, let mother leave first for 10-15 minutes, then increase the time of absence until the child understands that it is safe and fun with other family members. The main thing is that the relatives remaining with the baby take an active part in games, feeding, bathing, so that the child feels care and does not get bored;
• Wait. Postpone going to work, do not send the baby to kindergarten, do not hire a nanny for the period of adaptation of the crumbs. Dependence on the mother will weaken, and you can free up time for yourself, but for now you should not injure the psyche of the child;
• Return. Arriving home, the mother must show all her tenderness towards the baby so that the child understands that nothing has changed, and the mother is nearby.

Remember that you should not overdo it with attention and contacts with the baby. You do not need to call him endlessly when you are absent, talking on Skype with your child while at work. Realize your own feelings and thoughts, maybe you yourself do not want to let go of the baby.

Be attentive to the child, be patient and friendly. Moments of affection of the baby are passing, perhaps very soon you will miss the time when the baby needed your hugs and affection so much. Cherish the moments spent together, because children grow so fast.

We also read: Why does a child behave badly with his mother, and well with others?

Consultation of a social educator Kroter N.A.

What to do when a child is attached and does not let his mother go away, does not recognize anyone and does not make contact with other children? Some recommendations of a social educator Kroter N.A.

[sc name = ”rsa”]

1. First of all, try to narrow your circle of friends by talking at home (on your own, familiar and safe territory) or on a walk with one or two children and their mothers. Meet with them regularly so that your child gets used to them. Do not persuade your baby to join them, let other children just play nearby. Let the baby watch them from the side for some time. Gradually, he will get used to them, to their presence, and may wish to enter into communication. Stay close to him. Try to take part in children's games in the sandbox, showing your child that these “alien” children and adults are safe. When the fear of other people passes, after some time (week, month), you can begin to gradually expand the circle of “acquaintances”. Almost everything depends on your behavior: do not insist that the child play with children, and especially do not persuade him to stay with outsiders. Let him feel (not in words but in action) that you love her and are always there. This will give confidence and independence. Let your child make sure that communication with other people is his own choice, his will, desire, and not your desire for a while to “free yourself” from him and do his own business.
2. Be sure to remember the rule: in no case do not scold or punish the child for not wanting to part with his mother. He is not capricious, but seeks security. Only when the mother will behave calmly, confidently and consistently, the baby will be able to calm down and begin to let her mother go from her, completely normal reacting to her departure and absence.
3. To make parting and meeting with the child easier, the mother must first decide! It is most important. Mom can decide on going to work for a variety of reasons, but no matter what the choice is, do not reproach yourself. It is good if your decision is approved by all family members, but even if it has only subjective reasons, do not torture yourself with doubts and feelings of guilt. Toddlers are extremely susceptible to maternal mood.
4. Gradually accustom the child to the short absence of the mother. Leaving the room at first for 1-2 minutes, and then lengthening the time of absence, but returning before the child begins to cry. Such experiments are best done when the child is calm and busy with something interesting. The child should get used to the fact that the mother can leave for a short time and will definitely return to him. It will be useful to teach your child from an early age that there are other women (mothers, grandmothers) and, as far as possible, leave your baby for the time of her absence.
5. Before parting with the child, provide for everything. Are you determined? Perfectly! Now think over everything to the smallest household details so that neither you, nor the child, nor the person who will stay with him, feel unnecessary worries, but feel calm and confident
6. Create rituals of return. Consider the whole family’s rituals of your return home so that the meeting does not turn into the second series of the nightmare “mother leaves - mother comes”.
7. Avoid excessive custody and control and violent methods of exposure. Let your child learn something from their own experience and sometimes show independence and make decisions. Rejoice in the manifestation of independence, emphasize it. A child who feels its own strengths and capabilities will no longer respond painfully to the absence of the mother.
8. Involve the father or other family members in the care and games with the child, expanding the child’s social circle. At the same time, the mother should pay more attention to the child, giving emotional contact (affectionate look, gentle touches, stroking, hugs), since without this even the constant presence of the mother nearby does not satisfy the emotional needs of the child.
9. Remember that daily walks in nature, outdoor games in the fresh air will be very useful for the child and strengthen his nervous system.
10. Mothers need to free themselves from excessive anxiety and learn to enjoy life and their baby.
11. And take a note: expressions with the particle “not” (“will not pick up”, “will not offend”, “will not eat”) most often have the opposite meaning for children. Similarly, the words “do not touch, do not” encourage the child to act the other way around. It is better to use such positive formulations as good, good, love, like, and the like.

We also read: The child does not let his mother go a step away: what to do?