How is this possible? After all, for the sake of this little man you are sacrificing everything you can, doing the unthinkable, ready to give your life for his happiness. How can a baby, for the sake of which he has not slept at night, respond with such a “reciprocity”? There is no need to rush to conclusions and reciprocal causticity, because there, apart from a bright childish flash of anger, there is no hatred.
"I hate you!" - Is it really? What does the child mean?
Such a gamut of feelings overwhelms a child’s heart that there are no words to express them. This is anger at the situation, resentment that not everything is as you want, love for mom, and rage, such that you want to beat someone who is nearby. Even for an adult, coping with such a stream of emotions is not easy, and for a crumb it is almost impossible. Therefore, he expresses everything in one phrase “I hate you!”, And an experienced parent must recognize and find out the true causes of the conflict.
The child cannot say: “Mom, I'm sorry, but now I'm so angry with you that I am ready to nail you, but I won’t do it because I love you! This makes me even worse: getting angry and loving is hard at the same time. And I can’t cope with this rage and I urgently need you right now. Help me!"
Too difficult for a little man, right? The only way he can describe the whole gamut of full of fury is to say: "I hate you!" Often, under these three words, a child means:
- Do not you hear me.
- I am very painful and ill.
- I feel something incomprehensible in my soul, and I can’t understand what to do, I can’t explain it.
- You don’t understand what I really need now.
- We seem to speak different languages!
- What you want and what I want are two different things.
In a minute of an avalanche-like influx of rage, the child really needs a parent-sponge that can receive these strong emotions and digest them, helping the child cope with them. And in order to prevent ears from hearing, just imagine that the son or daughter is not saying creepy “I hate you!”, But “I need you, I need you!”
We respond to unpleasant words from our children
What not allowed tell the child:
- I don't care what you feel!
- I do not care.
- Well and good, then I hate you too!
- I will make you regret these words.
- If so, then I will not feed you today / will not give a toy / will not allow to watch cartoons / play on the phone.
- You are an ungrateful child! Everything for you, everything for you, was malnourished, lacked sleep, and you!
We also read: 5 most unfair and offensive phrases from parents that children can hear
To the phrase "I hate you!" it is important to answer correctly:
- I love you no matter what, but it hurts me from your words.
- You hurt me, I am very sad that you say so.
- I'm sorry you feel so bad right now.
- You don’t hate me, but you don’t like what I said / did.
- Even though it hurts me from your words, I still love you.
- I will discuss with you what is happening now, when you will calm down, because now you are angry.
- I understand that you are very angry with me, but to say such words to close people is very wrong.
- I hurt you, I understand.
- You're not ready to talk right now, but I'll be there when I need you.
- Stay a little alone and think about what happened. When you need me, I'm there.
It is necessary to discuss what is happening with the child calmly, without emotions and withstand. The most sincere words spoken through teeth or with poorly hidden aggression will only bring harm, will increase the gap between the child and his parent. Therefore, if you feel that you are boiling, give yourself a break, and when you cool, talk to your child.
We also read: child swears
Naturally, a child can say such offensive words in a fit of anger, but notice, even if you say nothing, a little child will lick in a few minutes, and the older one will apologize. Well, it was like that with me. You just need to talk to the child. Of course, you cannot explain to a two-year-old child that there is no money now for a new toy. And a five-year-old baby will understand this already.
I can’t even imagine if my son would tell me this. There is a suspicion that parents themselves are to blame when they hear this in their address. The irritation of the child peaked in this case. This means that between him and his mother (father) there was and is no trusting, friendly relationship. In this I see the reason. You need to start with yourself, and not explain to the child that saying so is not good.