The child began to swear: why do children swear and how to wean them from it

One way or another, foul language is present in the life of every modern person - both adult and small. If we do not foul ourselves, we hear obscene words from someone else in everyday life or on television, we read them in newspapers, magazines or books. Therefore, unfortunately, it is not surprising that one day we can hear an abusive word from our child or even a whole swearing sentence. And if we are normal parents, then most likely in this case we will experience a whole gamut of all sorts of feelings - from surprise to a shock state.

On the one hand, this is a completely normal reaction of any adequate parent. On the other hand, there is little sense in such a reaction. Most likely, from this our child will not stop using obscene language. Therefore, after hearing a mate from a child, it is extremely important to think about searching for answers to two questions: why is he cursing and what should be done to wean him from this addiction?

The reasons why the child swears obscene words

Children usually use ordinary, everyday words consciously. If, for example, the baby pronounces the word “apple” or the phrase “I want to drink,” he means exactly what he is talking about. As for the swear words, the children pronounce them unconsciously and mechanically, because they do not understand what exactly they mean and for what purpose they are pronounced. By the way, adults, in the same obscene way, usually don’t think about the true meaning and purpose of the words they scold: this is the insidiousness and destructive effect on the human psyche of foul language.

However, there may be reasons for which children can swear quite consciously, trying with the help of a mat to achieve some specific and important goals for themselves:

• The child swears, trying in this way to attract the attention of adults. Moreover, thereby he can demand for himself not only a positive reaction from adults, but even a negative one. Usually this happens when adults for some reason do not give the baby proper attention, and he begins to feel unnecessary and abandoned. In this case, in order to wean the child from scolding, it is necessary to devote more time to him, play with him, talk, read fairy tales and watch cartoons with him - that is, in every possible way to make the baby understand that he is very necessary and valuable to adults who surround him;
• By swearing, the child thereby tries to imitate other children with whom he communicates in kindergarten, at school, on the street, in the sports section, etc. Imitation of peers, and even more so, older comrades, is inherent in children's nature and is an important condition for children's development. It is clear that such imitation can bring both benefit and harm. When the baby, having heard enough of his comrades, begins to use obscene expressions, it is not necessary to forbid him to communicate with peers (as many parents try to do), since this is meaningless. It is impossible to completely protect the child from communication. In this case, it is important to understand that, most likely, in this way your son or daughter is trying to gain a foothold in the peer team, proving to them their "authority" and their "significance". In most cases, an increase in one's authority with the help of swearing indicates that the child does not have enough self-confidence, he is tormented by his own inferiority complex. Therefore, parents should try to instill confidence in their son or daughter. To do this, again, the child needs to devote as much time as possible, subtly and imperceptibly instilling in him the necessary truths and rules of behavior that will help the child acquire real, not false authority from peers;
• Many children express foul language in spite or in retaliation to the parents or other adults who surround them (teacher, teacher, trainer, neighbor, etc.). In other words, in this way they rebel against the unfair, as it seems to them, attitude towards themselves and their interests. For the most part, the parents themselves and other adults are guilty of this, calling children names with all kinds of offensive epithets or applying corporal punishment as an educational argument. Child psychology is such that the child perceives such epithets (not to mention corporal punishment) as their own uselessness for parents and other adults. Therefore, adults should make every effort to prevent any abuse of epithets and corporal punishment in communicating with children, explaining to them with the help of other words and the right tone in what exactly they are wrong;
• Adults surrounding the child themselves swear. This is one of the main reasons that the baby will sooner or later begin to swear obscenely. He takes words from the parental repertoire, and inserts into his vocabulary. The solution in this case is simple: in order to never hear swearing from children's lips, adults need not to swear obscene words themselves;
• The child wakes up interest in his own body and physiology. Often, for this very reason, children begin to use foul language. Moreover, it is precisely on this subject that at the present time you can find many "commentators" and "experts" - both among peers, and on the Internet and TV. Moreover, a significant part of such "specialists" is explained precisely with the help of swearing or - in verbal conversations, very close to obscene vocabulary. Having heard or read such “comments”, children perceive them as truth, and they themselves begin to express themselves in this way. Scolding them in this case is very dangerous, since the child may form a perverted idea of ​​such things. It is much more reasonable to understand that such interest in children is a natural process, and one should speak about it not with swear words, but with completely normal words. And, of course, explain this to the child.

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These are just the main, that is, the most common reasons why children begin to use obscene words in a conversation. Such reasons are eliminated, first of all, thanks to the calm, friendly and loving atmosphere in the family where children grow and are brought up.

Children's age and swearing

Everyday practice shows that children can swear at any age - starting from two years, when they only learned to pronounce their first words, and ending with adolescence.However, the reasons why they pronounce obscene words at one age or another are different:

1. If the baby is 2-3 years old, then he pronounces bad words unconsciously. At this age, the child only learns to speak, hearing words from someone outsider, remembering them, repeating and usually not understanding their essence and meaning. Therefore, most likely, he also heard and remembered an obscene word somewhere.
2. 4-5 year old children can swear quite consciously and with far-reaching intentions. For the most part, they use foul language so that parents or other adults pay attention to them.
3. Starting from 5 years old and ending with adolescence, children usually curse, trying in this way to designate and affirm their own "I". Especially if it seems to them that parents and other adults encroach on their independence and do not take into account their opinion, which is extremely valuable and correct for children at this age.
4. Teenagers can use foul language for several reasons. One of the reasons is the same, why 4-5 year old children swear. That is, if it seems to teenagers that parents do not pay attention to them, they can achieve parental attention with the help of swearing. The affirmation of self in the eyes of adults is another explanation of why teenage children are using foul language. The third reason teenagers use foul language is an attempt to affirm their own “I” among their peers.

If a child grows up normally (that is, in a good family and at the same time has no mental problems), then he usually “outgrows” age periods and stops swearing. Parents need to know this. Of course, it is not passive to wait until the son or daughter desires to express herself in obscene language by herself. On the contrary, it is necessary to help them in every possible way to get rid of a bad habit, taking into account that in some cases the baby may use obscene expressions for other reasons:

• Some children, by virtue of their psychological characteristics or upbringing, are not able to express the negative emotions that have accumulated in them in the generally accepted “framework”, and are capable of being emotionally discharged only through swearing;
• If the child is shy and timid, then he can swear to overcome his timidity and insecurity before other people, everyday problems, all kinds of changes, etc. By the way, insecure adults also resort to the same method. To notorious people, whether they are children or adults, it usually seems that swearing in their mouth makes them independent and powerful.

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Whatever the reason that the children began to speak obscene words, the main task of any adequate parent is to try to get his child to get rid of this bad habit in the shortest possible time.

Major Parental Errors

Trying to wean children to swear, parents often voluntarily or involuntarily make many mistakes. Tested for many centuries and many generations, everyday practice clearly speaks of exactly what cannot be done by weaning a son or daughter from an addiction to foul language:

• Use physical punishment. Usually this method does not correct the situation, but only exacerbates it. The punished child can continue to use foul language - now it is exclusively for the parents to spite and in protest. In no case should spank children on the lips, make them lick soap, pour salt or pepper in their mouths! Thus, the child's self-esteem will decrease, and he will be haunted by nightmares! There is also a risk that the baby will become stutter;
• Prohibit the use of swearing, using their parental position (like "So that I no longer hear from you!" Or "It is said - it is impossible, then it is impossible!"). Typically, such categorical prohibitions do not achieve results due to the characteristics of child psychology.Children need to explain in detail and reasonably why it is impossible to use swear words and what this can lead to;
• In no case do not rejoice and do not laugh when hearing the child swear, and even more so do not try to translate the indecent words uttered by the child as a joke. This can lead to the fact that he thinks that his profanity is pleasant to his parents, and for this reason he will begin to swear more often;
• Reproach and shame children in the presence of strangers. This can cause anger in the child, he will become isolated or hardened and may swear even more;
• Arrange “guerrilla interrogations” for the child on the subject of “where did you hear this” or “who told you such a bad word”. Most likely, he himself does not know or does not remember where and from whom he first heard an indecent word. But the parental addiction can push away the young swear-maker from you, and then to establish further contact with him will be many times more difficult;
• Cursing the parents themselves - even in the presence of children, even in their absence. It is necessary to observe the golden parental rule: that which cannot be done to children cannot be allowed to parents. Otherwise, the child, seeing parental hypocrisy, will cease to respect his father and mother, which will almost certainly lead to his becoming more foul;
• Try to make sure that children are isolated from the outside world. Firstly, in modern conditions this is practically impossible. Secondly, such isolation, even if it could be feasible, most likely will not lead to the desired result. As a result, the child will almost certainly lose the correct idea of ​​what is good and what is bad, and for this reason it will be practically impossible to explain to him why swearing is bad.

You can not tell children that swear words can be used only by adults. The child will understand you this way: if you can only swear at adults, then you need to grow up quickly. And what is needed for this? Swear as louder and more often.

All of the above does not mean at all that parents should not try to wean their children from profanity in any way. This will be wrong both from a pedagogical and from a psychological point of view. The child will almost certainly perceive any parental self-determination as a signal that he is not doing anything bad and, moreover, that he is allowed to do everything. Consequently, he will continue to improve in his destructive “mastery”, and very soon he will achieve very sad results.

How to ensure that the child does not swear obscene words

To succeed in such a difficult matter, special parental tactics are needed. The easiest way to wean 2-3 years of foul language from swearing. Do not make tragedy if the baby suddenly uttered a bad word. By accidentally hearing, remembering and repeating some swearing expression, he, due to his childhood memory, will forget about it in a very short time. But if you repeat this word in his presence several times, then he will surely remember it firmly, the word will go into his everyday vocabulary, and in this case it will be much more difficult to eradicate it.

For children whose age is older, a slightly different tactic is applicable. It is advisable to adhere to the following strict rules:

• If a child of a preschool age is cursing, you need to try to explain to him that there are good words, and there are bad ones. Good people communicate with good words, and bad people communicate with bad ones. Mom and dad baby always speak good words and never - bad. If their son (or daughter) will pronounce bad words, then mom and dad will be very upset and even get sick. Other people who hear their son (or daughter) swear can also be upset and sick. To this we can add that the child himself, in the case of using bad words, can also get sick;
• In the event that a pre-adolescent student obscenely expresses himself, it is necessary to help him form a healthy self-esteem. Such a lover of swearing needs to be explained that abuse does not make a person a person. If a child wants to form as a person, then he can try himself in sports, in art, in science and other useful areas of human activity;
• In order to wean a teenager from abuse, it is useful to give him an example of authority. It is during adolescence that children usually decide “to make life with whom,” and therefore they can readily take an example from someone who can be a role model for them. The ideal option is if the parents themselves can be such authority;
• At any age, do not leave the child alone. In every normal person, loneliness causes fear, confusion and insecurity, which is easiest to try to get rid of by means of swearing. When parents are always close to their children, then in this case, children have much less desire to use obscene words;
• Parents always need to know who their children are talking to. Of course, choosing their friends according to their own parental taste is not an option. Every child is a person, and therefore he can and must have his own passions and the right to choose friends. However, parents are not only entitled to adjust the social circle of their child, but they are also required. Perhaps, it would be better to delicately remove someone from the acquaintances of his son or daughter, and someone, on the contrary, invite him to visit the child. It will be useful if from time to time parents will communicate with those with whom their daughter or son is friends;
• One of the most important rules is to teach your child to correctly and adequately express their emotions. - both positive and negative, while trying to explain that abuse is not an expression of emotions at all, but something much more shameful and nasty;
• Every time a baby uses a swear word, it must be made clear to him that profanity does not color a person. At the same time, parents need to apologize to strangers as loudly as possible for the cursing uttered by their son or daughter so that the child can understand and realize that the father or mother is ashamed of him. In addition, it is useful to warn the young foul language that although his parents love him, however, until he stops swearing obscene, they will not be able to take him with them to any decent place;
• Care must be taken to ensure that the child watches TV less. In addition, it is important to know which sites on the Internet their offspring love to travel to. And if these sites are of reprehensible or doubtful content, then it is necessary to delicately and at the same time persistently convince the son or daughter to visit other sites with more useful content.

Advice from a child psychologist: how to wean a child from bad words

Additional recommendations

All children are different. Each has its own unique character and individual psychological characteristics. And therefore, it may happen that the measures mentioned above, with all the parental efforts, still will not bring the proper result. Do not despair. On the contrary, it is necessary to apply additional measures to wean the heir from the habit of swearing:

1. It often happens that the baby expresses his own emotions with obscene words. It can be joy, fear, admiration, perplexity. In this case, parents need to try to replenish the vocabulary of the child, and first of all, precisely with those words and phrases by which emotions can be expressed without any foul language.
2. To replenish the vocabulary of the baby, you should read books to him and learn children's poems with him. It is better if it is not modern poetry, but the works of children's Soviet classics in which it is almost impossible to meet a swearing or ambiguous word. In addition, you can also special programs for children's learning. It is not difficult to get such a program at present.
3. Cartoons help to replenish vocabulary very well. But, of course, not modern “runners” and “shooters” with their primitive screams and the same content, but classic Soviet cartoons. In most of these cartoons, their characters speak a language that is beautiful, imaginative, understandable and accessible to any normal child, in which there is not even a hint of any obscene language. It is necessary to explain to the kid that he himself needs to speak as beautifully and correctly as cartoon characters say.
4. It so happens that the child himself asks his parents what the abusive word he has heard means. In this case, it is very important how the parent behaves. The most correct line of behavior is not to scold the child for the spoken word, not to inquire from whom he heard it, not to express his confusion and displeasure with anything. It is much wiser to try to calmly explain that this is a bad word, that bad people use it, and since the child is wonderful and his parents love him very much, it will be wonderful if the baby never says such a word again.

Of course, it may happen that no parental efforts and efforts were able to wean the child from the habit of using obscene words. It happens very rarely, but still it happens. In this case, a strict parental ban may be helpful. Moreover, this should not be an unfounded ban, but, so to speak, a ban with subtext.

For example, a young swindler can be forbidden to meet with friends until he stops cursing. Or - do not let him use a computer. In the arsenal of every parent there are many prohibitive means. You can also consult a child psychologist: it is possible that the son or daughter has some kind of illness of a psychiatric nature. But in most cases, weaning children from foul language is a completely feasible task.

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From the forums

Merit: Our children are not in a vacuum, you do not swear at home - that’s how they listen to mats on the street, at school, and on TV. There is nothing to be done. Alas, this is a problem for society as a whole, and not for an individual child. I think it’s better not to touch the little ones (if you don’t focus attention - there’s no interest for the child), older children (5-10 years old) can explain that these words are bad, but you won’t do anything with teenagers, although you can try to explain to him that it’s not worth talking in the family and in public, but let them communicate with friends behind closed doors as they want.

Olgabel: Many children go through the "swearing" period.
My child was very fond of inserting such words, and always in the case and in the sense. I remember that my son is sitting on the carpet (something about 3 years old), he is constructing some kind of complex structure, silence, very enthusiastic. Incorrect movement, the whole structure collapses. "P *** c." He said just one word, but with such a complete intonation! (laugh) I did not scold him at all, I simply did not pay attention. It passed by itself. The most interesting thing is that my husband and I do not swear, the more we do not use the voiced word. Where is the mystery?

goroshka: My son is now 1.11 months old. He is already swearing consciously, I did not focus on this, but the doctor said that you need to scold, say that it is very bad, and in no case do not laugh!

marta2018: if swearing small - do not pay attention. Swears and stops. And if they are of school age, then obviously the problems are not with the child, but with the family. And it’s not necessary to punish the child, but to think about exactly what factors led to the fact that he curses: most often it is abuse of parents or getting into the appropriate company. Both one and the other are the fault of adults, not a child. Fight causes, not consequences. Moreover, the struggle with the company is to give a good alternative, and not stupidly "once again I see Tolyan - you won’t leave the house!"

Felina:Haha, and I, too, swore obscenities in childhood)) just at that age (4 years). Fortunately, I am far from the first child; my parents have already passed this. These words were so dismissively ignored that I soon became uninteresting. After all, I did not understand the meaning; it was like saying something in Chinese.I don’t understand it myself, and others pretended not to understand. I repeated a couple of times and passed. I forgot these phrases until adolescence))

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