Fathers are different and not always they have ideal features. Often their mistakes in education can spoil the lives of children. There are seven main types of non-ideal fathers. Psychologists formed them on the basis of the most common mistakes in education, as well as their causes and consequences. From each type, one can identify the main positive traits on the basis of which to form your own ideal of a real father. Knowing the characteristics of each type will help to avoid mistakes and become such a dad that the child will be proud of.
Who are tyrant popes?
Such dads communicate with the child strictly and as an equal, they perceive children as young adults, therefore they cannot find a common language with them. They sincerely wonder how a mere trifle is able to bring a child to tears (for example, a burst balloon) or, conversely, become the cause of his stormy enthusiasm (for example, a hollow found in a tree), and therefore they are able to share the sadness and joy of their child. The inner world of a son or daughter is not of interest to such a parent. Such fathers are proud, have a strong character and act on the principle of "I am always right"without acknowledging any contradictions. Education in the "execution" of an authoritarian father is reduced to vigilant control of the child’s behavior, notations, admonitions and strict requirements: “Do not go!”, “Do not touch!”, “Put in place!” etc. As a result, the crippled psyche of the child, ruined childhood and future. Some "tyrant" fathers not only morally oppress children, keep them in constant fear and tension, but also raise their authority in the form of physical violence. Children of such fathers feel lonely and suffer.
At every step, tyrants criticize, find fault, shout at children and consider this behavior the right educational measure. The psyche of a child in such an environment can break. He, taking to heart the insults and taunts of his father, becomes insecure and can establish the same order in his family in the future. Such fathers give their children neither love, nor peace, nor understanding, nor poise.
Indifferent fathers - callous and detached, not showing tenderness and affection
Indifferent fathers are extremely contemptuous of "calf tenderness", therefore they never hug, kiss, caress neither children nor their wife in their presence. Tactile "callousness" of the father is especially harmful for girls.Thus, the unmet need for bodily contact with the father in childhood leads to the fact that the adult daughter has difficulty in manifesting sexuality and often ends up in bed with barely known men. Such dads do not show emotional affection for children, but show only irritation and neglect. Their love is abstract and is expressed in material equivalent. They have no connection with the child, are not interested in his life. They are always busy and do not participate in education. All attempts to establish any connection with them are thwarted.
[sc: rsa]
A child with an emotionally distant father adapts worse in life and is prone to developing addictions. The daughters of such fathers are difficult to establish relationships with partners. They often find the same callous men. Sons become bad fathers. They simply do not know how the father should behave and what duties to fulfill. Children have difficulty building relationships with friends and colleagues. The result in a family with an indifferent father and an emotionally active mother can be a child whom everyone calls “mother’s joy” and who constantly draws money from his father.
Dad - "henpecked" - soft and weak, not capable of responsible decisions and actions
Despite the kindness and complaisance, they do not enjoy authority among their children. A son or daughter is deprived of psychological care and a sense of support. They see the shyness of his father and his inability to solve life's problems.
With such dads, children often become leaders for themselves. In adolescence, they can become “unmanageable”, demonstrating their independence as a whole, falling under the influence of bad companies. At an older age, a daughter raised by such a dad often chooses the same soft loser in life as his companion, and his son can also grow up as a "henpecked man."
Dad suffering from various addictions (alcohol, drugs, gambling) is a family misfortune
A family in which the father suffers from alcoholism, drug addiction or is addicted to gambling is a dysfunctional and morally disadvantaged family. There are constant conflicts, scandals, experiences. Children grow up in an atmosphere of fear and anxiety, shame and despair.
The main factors that influence the formation of children in a family with a father - an alcoholic or drug addict are:
- The secret of the family - father's dependence is kept secret and not discussed. Children get used to lies and evasions, are ashamed of dad;
- Fear, anxiety and unpredictability - lack of consistency in the behavior of the father, quarrels and conflicts;
- Lack of tenderness and warmth in relationships - children become secretive and sharply feel their insecurity;
- Lack of attention - dad is preoccupied with his problems, the mother is busy with thoughts on how to cure her husband of dependence, and the children are left to their own devices. Often they begin to think that they themselves are the cause of trouble in the family. This contributes to the formation of low self-esteem and chronic dissatisfaction with life.
Adult daughters of dependent parents choose the same partners suffering from addictions in their lives. Studies show that children of alcoholics are at high risk of alcoholism. Thus, according to statistics, about 80% of sons with alcohol-dependent parents, and up to 25% of daughters will suffer from alcoholism in the future.
While the child is small, he adores his dad, who is addicted to gambling, loves to play with him and fool around. At thirty, he has more excitement than his little son. Adolescent children at some point cease to respect the dependent father. He is not their authority.
What awaits if dad is a workaholic?
Workaholics are financially wealthy heads of the family who are busy with their work, business or career. They rarely go home and focus only on the financial well-being of the family. In a family with a workaholic - a complete abundance. He works even at home, not paying attention to children and not emotionally participating in their lives.
A standard evening with a workaholic dad can be described as follows.He returns home late and immediately sits down at the computer to work. The son, looking into the room, holds out a drawing and says: "I painted an elephant." Dad glances at the paper and turns to the computer. The son leaves and he no longer has a desire to enter. He understands that he and his achievements are not an important thing. He concludes that dad's love can be earned with something substantial and grandiose: an escape from home, a parachute jump or the ability to earn a lot of money. Such a son will always remember his insignificance, even if he manages to achieve much in life. Nothing can ever replace his attention and fatherly love.
In the period of growing up, such children have problems with behavior - this is aggression, inability to control their feelings and emotions, disobedience.
Do you need a coming (Sunday) dad?
According to statistics, about 40% of divorced fathers communicate with their children, and one fourth of them see them regularly once a week. Such fathers are called Sunday dads. What can Sunday dad give and is he needed? This is not an easy question and there are many points of view.
The family may break up, but mother and father remain parents and dad has every right to take part in the fate of his child. Psychologists advise to divorce in a civilized manner. Many couples, having parted and creating new families, are friends for the sake of children and bring them up together.
If the father is indifferent to the fate of the child, then such Sunday dads are definitely not needed. Better let him go. After all, the father is not just biological kinship, it is constant care, attention and love.
Many Sunday dads regard their children as a toy with which they can take pictures, walk, show off. Meetings are not regular, dad can disappear for a long time. Communicating with such fathers will not benefit the child and will not make him happy.
Psychologists believe that raising a son without a father incorrectly forms standards for male behavior. A girl who grows up without a father can also have problems in future family life.
How to treat fathers who are not satisfied with the gender of the child?
Not every father is happy with the sex of the unborn child. Such fathers cause significant trauma to the psyche and normal development of the baby. A father who is expecting the birth of a boy, when his daughter appears, feels that he was deceived and can begin to raise her as a son. This negatively affects the future family life of the girl.
Psychologists advise seeing in the child a continuation of himself, and not gender. The child gives joy and disappointment, makes you smile and cry, causes a feeling of pride and sadness. Every day he gives great love. And gender is absolutely not important.
Soft and strict, caring and busy, disciplined and confused - no matter what his father is, only he will teach his son logic (read also: raise a son. Father's allowance), and the daughter will be able to give reliable protection and confidence in the future (andTOP 25 rules for dad who brings up a daughter) Real fathers are able to instill in the child organization, strong-willed qualities, logical thinking, a love of exercise. They are not just the breadwinners and breadwinners of the family, but also full-fledged participants in the educational process, capable of raising a full-fledged person from the child, ready for independent life.
- 25 simple tips for becoming a good father
- 5 Tips for a New Dad
- 15 acts that are forbidden by a loving father
- Is it easy to be a father or dad can, dad can do anything
- TOP 10 instructions that a father should pass to his son
- What are young dads afraid of?
The role of the father in raising a child plays a huge role, the child takes an example from him. It is very important that this example is positive. For example, I did not have a father and I think that this clearly appeared on me and on my own family.
Whatever the father, he is still a father and you need to accept him, whether you want it or not. And if he has his own methods of education, it is hardly possible to retrain him.
As for the so-called “Sunday” dad, he is definitely needed, the child must have two parents!
It is unlikely that it is already possible to change something in adult men, so what kind of dads have chosen mothers with such and will have to live and raise children. You can use only female tricks for the correct upbringing of a child, without a bad paternal example.
For the ‘modern’ young family (especially for young fathers) who this article is dedicated to, everything that is written in it, to put it mildly, is completely nonsense ...