25 simple tips for becoming a good father

A man is not only a breadwinner and providing for his family is not his last task. As a father, he must understand how important his role is in raising a child. Truly responsible men always think about how to become a great dad, to influence a child correctly, to give him a worthy example and to educate the right qualities in a crumb.

Of course, parents are not born, but the skills of dealing with the child and communicating with him come with experience, and the desire to give the baby the best will lead to excellent results.

How to become a Super Dad

Starting to understand that the appearance of a child is associated not only with difficulties and responsible daily tasks, but also with the immense happiness of being a father, a strong half of humanity begins to wonder how not to miss the important thing in raising a child and become a dad with the prefix “super”. Perhaps the following recommendations will help sort out such a difficult matter.

To some, these tips will seem obvious. But for a society in which many men grew up without paternal support in childhood, such instructions are very valuable.

1. Do not idealize. Do not try to be the best dad

You may not be able to put on a diaper, not know the difference between the types of baby powders, and be horrified by the upcoming swaddling, but at the same time be a good, caring and attentive father. First of all, try to become a wonderful husband, be involved in your wife’s life, share her worries and chores, take an interest in your child, his health. Learn to care for the baby, no matter how difficult it may seem to you. A family full of love and understanding is the main thing that your baby needs from birth.

If you really want to become a good father, do everything to become the best husband, because it is these men who become good fathers.

A man who strives to become an excellent father is unlikely to be able to do this if he never once tries to rock his baby, tell him a story or cheer, making faces. Life consists of thousands of little things, and it is a mistake to assume that a banal change of diaper or bathing is not worth your attention. Any contact with the baby is very valuable both for him and for you. Do not be afraid to do something wrong, try, learn, and your work will bear fruit.

No need to idealize the child. Of course, for you the baby is undoubtedly the best person in the world, but remember that he is a person, just like you can make mistakes, do something better, and something worse, contrary to your expectations.

Do not be discouraged if a child in its development does not resemble a child prodigy, do not compare it with other children. The baby will learn everything, its development does not have to coincide with what is written in smart books and websites child rearing. Let your baby be yourself, learn from your own mistakes, gaining invaluable experience.

As soon as possible, start living the way you lived before the birth of the baby. With the first child, everything seems to go crazy. They sit at home for months, thinking, “what if something happens on the street with a child.” What could happen to him? This is a child, not a crystal service. Two weeks after giving birth, try with your wife to lead the same life again as before. Babies can easily travel. Restaurant, shopping, airplane - take the baby with you, do not deny yourself what you did before his birth. Having tried it once, you will notice that there is nothing to worry about. Yes, everything is different with a child, but not as much as it usually seems to young parents. It is important to feel like a couple again, because sitting in four walls can be stress-free.

2. Take care of the baby's mom

You are tired and exhausted after a couple of hours of active games with a child, and now imagine his mother, who dedicates a child round the clock, managing to remake a lot of household chores. Of course, no one belittles your professional merit, the ability to provide for your family. Just think about what it might lead to. depression, chronic fatigue and lack of sleep of your woman, and how it will affect the whole family. Try to unload your baby’s mom, spend time with your child, let the woman take a walk and relax, chat with friends, do what you love.

Ask your grandmother and nanny to sit with the baby, and you and your wife go to the cinema, theater, and devote time to each other. Participate in the purchase of strollers, baby food, accessories, because in fact with a baby it is not so easy to run to the store.

Remember, a good dad is certainly a good spouse, so try to create conditions for your second half to relax and change activities. A good husband makes sure that his wife does not burn out emotionally from the constant care of the child.

3. Share baby care at night

A full sleep is the key to good health, however, with the appearance of crumbs, a good dream becomes only a tremulous dream. The kid requires constant care, and night is no exception. Getting up several times a night is quite difficult, especially difficult when only one parent does it. Share this duty with the baby's mother, it will not only make her life easier, but also bring you closer as spouses.

“This is not the most fun pastime, but then you will be proud of yourself. Breast babies are sometimes confused day by night, expecting full attention during those hours when adults usually sleep. Somehow my wife and I changed the diaper for a child. 4.00 nights, we are both tired, the child screams, we both no longer have the strength to calm him. And at some point we looked at each other and laughed. It was a bit of a hysterical laughter.While we were laughing, the baby suddenly stopped crying. We put a new diaper on him, put him in his bed and he fell asleep right away. Would you like to go up to your child several times a night knowing that no one will help you? It’s clear that my wife didn’t want to either. Yes, it’s all very difficult, but I said that children are wonderful. I did not say that it is easy. ”Excerpt from Scott Kelby’s book “Fear of Fatherhood. A book for guys who think they don’t want to have children. ” Translation of Fathers Club.

4. Show tenderness and love

Do not think in stereotypes, like: "I am a man, all these" pink snot "and hugs are female prerogative." In fact, manifestations of love are necessary for children of any age, from birth to adulthood. Do not skimp on hugs, kisses. The child understands the language of touch, hugs, kisses. In general, this is how people express their love, but fathers sometimes find this expression of feelings inappropriate. Forget about these stereotypes.

The child always needs to feel that he is loved and you have every opportunity for this. It is such a child who becomes happy. And joyfully runs towards you and jumps into his arms. An expression of love is something you will never regret in the future. You can always pat it in the hair while walking, hug it tight before going to school, or kiss it on the forehead. Often this says more than words.

5. Think about your childhood

Transfer everything that is good that you remember from your own childhood to your family. If you had a great father, then try to use his methods of education. If your relationship with your dad was not particularly successful, then you know exactly what mistakes you need to avoid in order to become truly the best.

6. Teach your child something you need

Let the ability to hold a toothbrush in your hands be your joint victory, instill in the child the necessary skills: from going to the toilet to shaving in adolescence, learn to ride a bike, and behave yourself. Your participation will be indispensable for both the child and his mother. Teach children with your wife. You and she should be involved in teaching children the necessary skills. Help the children learn from their own mistakes. If they did something wrong, then you must explain to them what to do in the future, and not just punish them.

7. Consider a punishment system

Think about whether you are too cruel to the child, whether the punishments are commensurate with misconduct. Be fair and consistent, do not let your words differ with deeds. Teach your child to be disciplined, gently point out mistakes and mistakes. Never allow your bad mood, problems at work to affect your actions in relation to the child. Control emotions, even if he pisses you off, try to talk calmly, do not let off steam in his presence.

Never use physical force, regardless of your emotional state, do not hit or humiliate the child, he will suffer not only physically, but also emotionally. You can seriously harm not only your relationship, but also the psyche of the child, his further formation as a person.

Never raise your hand on a child. The same goes for your wife. There is no excuse for this behavior. If a man beats his child or wife, this is most often a sign of cowardice and dishonesty. Even with a word, never humiliate him. Do not call him a dumbass or an idiot or anything else that will make him doubt how valuable he is to you and how unique he is.

We also read:

• To beat or not to beat a child - the consequences of physical punishment of children
• How to punish a child

Coordinate the educational moments with your wife so that your approaches do not differ, and it does not happen that one of the parents seems better for the baby.

Find the line when you are not too strict so that the child was afraid to be frank with you, but at the same time, he felt your authority and firmness.

8.Praise and encourage

Always pay attention to the achievements of the child, praise if they have done something good, for example, received fives, helped the younger brother or sister to solve a difficult task, or were smart enough to avoid a fight; tell the children how proud you are of them. IN carrot and stick method, never leave only a whip, punishment and censure always interspersed with sincere praise. Show how proud you are of your son or daughter, let them understand how you value their perseverance, intelligence, abilities and desire to strive for success.

There is no need to expose a child as a hero if he does something that is part of his duties, be it cleaning the room, or picking up toys so that he does not consider everyday actions a favor to his parents.

Make it clear to children that incentives are not only material, explain what actions are worthy of respect, so that a child can do good deeds without additional incentives.

• By encouraging young children to do good, you help them understand how proud you are of them.
• Encouraging children with toys or entertainment is a great incentive for repeating good deeds, but it should not be the only one. Teach your children to distinguish bad from good so that they do good deeds without any incentive.
• Do not reward children for actions that they are required to perform, such as cleaning their room. Otherwise, the children will think that they are doing you a favor.

We also read:How to encourage a child

9. Filter the advice of relatives and friends

There are no standard educational rules applicable to absolutely all children. Hundreds of books have been written on the topic of parenting and child care. In one book you will be advised to take the child in his arms as soon as he cries or scream, in the other - that you do not need to take it, let it shout out, in the third - what you need to take first, and then put it back in its crib. How do you know what to do right? Yes, from nowhere. You need to figure it out and decide for yourself. There are thousands of techniques, manuals and tips from the most eminent psychologists and pediatricians, but what really suits your child is your choice. All children are different, with their characters, affections, addictions and talents, you, as a father, should see these differences and together with your spouse decide how to raise a child.

This does not say that all the tips you need to skip ears. You just have to choose the ones that are right for you and your child. Personal experience will tell you how to act. Drop everything that you feel unnatural for. If this does not suit you, then it certainly will not suit your child.

10. Have fun with your child.Enjoy and appreciate this time.

Enjoy every moment next to your child, children grow up very quickly, you do not have time to look around, and an adult son or daughter will already give you advice and come only for a weekend. No one will erect a monument to you during your lifetime for selfless work at work, as a rule, there are no irreplaceable employees, but you yourself are irreplaceable as a loving spouse and father.

Try to understand what the child wants from you, maybe your joint walks, cycling are enough for a child, and he does not expect expensive gifts and spa vacations at all. Take a day off or leave to go with him a park, museum, play football with his classmates in the school yard. Believe me, in old age you will not scold yourself with the words: "Oh, how little time I spent at work." On the contrary, you will say "How little time I devoted to children!"

11. Find time for the child.Find out what children need most from their father

Your child may be very proud of your professional achievements, awards, but your attention to him is much more expensive than the material means for which you earn.Be close at moments of joy and sadness of children, take time for games and intimate conversations, sincerely take an interest in hobbies, affairs in kindergarten, school, and university. Try to be frank too. Let you have only your joint activities, be it ice skating, football, or going to the theater.

If you are a very busy person, plan your week so that there is always time to talk with your child. Even being far away, on a business trip, be sure to call and communicate with the child.

Do not break promises, if something of the intended does not work, still do not miss the opportunity to be together. Failed to go to the rink, go to the park to ride a sled.

Separate important moments of life for him, for a child there are no trifling problems and achievements. For each age they are different. Today, together you will enjoy the first plasticine craft, and very soon - the first school bell. The child will remember your support for his whole life, and then you will not regret the missed opportunities and time.

One of my friends said the kids are happy when dad just sleeps on the couch. Because "dad is at home." What happens when you are at home a little? They are trying to get your attention. And often they do it completely different from what you would expect from them. There is a simple pattern - a child who spends a lot of time with his father has fewer problems in life. A child to whom father did not take time has more difficulties.

12. Go somewhere with your children (with or without a wife)

You can take your son fishing, or go to the beach with your daughter, or go camping with all the children. Such trips are not forgotten. Wherever you go, try to make it special and memorable and make interesting trips with your children at least once a year.

Joint trips to the sea, to the mountains, hiking and simple trips to the park unite and unite your family. Plan your vacation together so that your child can prepare and anxiously wait for the treasured day of the trip. Arrange an interesting leisure for your family, and your loved ones will be immensely grateful to you.

13. Be an example

Good parents are sure to become an example for their children. Remember, you are an authority, especially young children often think your actions are always right, and words are unshakable.

It is difficult to instill in a child good qualities, manners, if you are not their example. If you want your son not to smoke and respect women, give up addiction yourself and demonstrate tenderness and love for your own spouse. Do not conflict with people, be polite and courteous, then your child will take such behavior as a model.

Respect the mother of your children. If you are married to her, let the children understand how you love her, appreciate and help her. If you neglect your wife, then your children can understand that it is normal to neglect mom and other people (because dad does it).

Help your wife with the housework, give gifts, make compliments, in adulthood, the child will try to repeat the warm relationship, creating his own family.

Let your children see how you praise your wife and give her your love and affection that she deserves.

You must not only respect your wife, but also love her, and do everything to make her happy. If the mother of the children is happy, then everyone is happy.

Never insult the mother of your child, even if you suddenly began to live apart, divorced, respond with due respect to her. Otherwise, you can confuse the children.

We also read: Tips for divorced parents: how to raise a child after a family collapse

14. Try to respect your child

Give your child time, take care of him and his mother, be honest and fair. Let your actions cause delight and respect of the child, so that he would like to take an example from you, and consider it authority for himself.

If you do not spend time with children, do not raise them, shout at your wife, then children will not respect you simply because you are their father. You must act in such a way that the children see that you are a role model and a person who is worthy of their admiration and respect

Your children should not worship you and think that you are an ideal - they should understand that you are an ordinary person who loves them very much.

15. Do not miss important events

Remember that your participation in the lives of children, their presence at important events for them, is very important and significant. Plan your time so as not to miss the matinees, the first line, the first bell, the child’s sports competition or his concert performances.

Your children will remember these moments for a lifetime, and your presence next to them will mean a lot to them.

Do not refer to employment and workload at work. Your children need the support and participation of parents at the most important moments in their lives. Always find precious time to just be around when the people you love most need it, so you don’t regret missed opportunities later.

16. Give the joy of communication

You do not have to show miracles of fantasy and constantly impress your baby with unusual games and activities. Your child just loves to be near you, communicate, walk, build towers and sculpt from clay. Regular communication will allow you to understand children's problems, anxieties and fears, learn about dreams and affections.

• Communicating with children daily, you will learn what is bothering them and how to help them;
• Do not limit your conversation to arbitrary phrases such as, "How's life?" How is school? How are you? How was your day?". Often people asking such questions do not really want to know the answers to them;
• Often teenagers try to protect themselves from their parents without going into the details of their life and relationships, however, take an interest in the affairs of a young daughter or son, do not push or pry out details, just show that you are not indifferent to what is happening in their life.

17. Take time for yourself

Do not think that a good father must spend all his free time with his family. Despite the importance and necessity of communication, joint trips, walks and activities, you just need to devote time to yourself. Do not give up a hobby, cut out at least an hour for reading, sports, or any other activity that is fun. The interests of your child are incomparably higher than yours, but you should not forget about yourself.

The inability to relax, get a boost of energy will not give you the opportunity to give your child attention with sincere joy, or even lead to depression.

Let your apartment or house have a special place that will become a personal space (a room or just an armchair) in which you can not be disturbed.

Help the children get used to the concept of “personal time” and explain to them that you are going to do something (unless the children really need you at the moment).

18. Do not go to scream

Even if your children have brought you to white-hot with their behavior and actions, do not break down on them, screaming cannot be called the right solution for such situations. You can let off steam alone, and with a child behave confidently and calmly. You can raise your voice a little to let the children know that they made a mistake, but if you shout at them, they will be afraid of you and will not want to communicate with you. Do not let yourself lose control in the presence of children. Control your emotions, you are an adult and experienced person.

19. Combine rigor and manifestations of love and care

Behave so that the child is aware of your authority, respects decisions and requirements, be strict. But at the same time do not skimp on feelings, a good dad not only knows how to punish and educate, but also knows how to make it clear to children that he loves them very much, appreciates them, and is always ready to listen and help.

Remember that excessive severity can violate trusting close relationships, and too soft education can undermine respect for you.

20. Admit your mistakes

No one is perfect, and you are no exception. Even making mistakes, you can remain an example to your child. The recognition of his own mistakes, shortcomings will make him understand that everyone has the right to make mistakes. In fact, it is better if you are imperfect, so that the children understand that there are no perfect people and that everyone makes mistakes. Do not be shy to apologize to the baby if you forgot about the promised trip to the park, or behaved unrestrainedly and scolded him too much. Understanding one's own mistakes and the ability to regret one's deed develops character and communicative abilities much better than the desire to do everything perfectly.

By acknowledging mistakes in front of the children, you let them know that acknowledging mistakes is normal; they will continue to admit their own mistakes.

21. Do housework if you want your children to do housework too

If you want children to share their homework with mom and you, then show them how you deal with it yourself, help your wife. In the future, this will give the child the opportunity to understand that not only the mother should do all the household chores, and that everything in the family is done together.

We also read:how to teach a child to help around the house

22. Do not forget that times are changing.

Your childhood passed in completely different conditions and environments, and you should not demand that the child comply with all the norms of the past. Of course, there are unshakable rules of morality and ethics, but do not forget that in the modern technological world, with social networks, social youth movements, everything is already somewhat different. You may be wild from the thought of intimate relationships to marriage, tattoos, piercings, traveling to distant countries with a minimum of funds and living in hostels, but nevertheless, give children the opportunity to explore the world themselves, express their opinions, be free. Carefully guide them, advise, but do not overpower with authority, referring to experience and education.

23. Learn to understand when your kids have tough times

To be a really good dad, pay attention when children have problems, difficulties, hard times. Share their feelings and emotions, calm them down and direct them in a positive way of thinking. Regardless of the degree of problems, whether it is the son’s anxiety about the control, or the problems of the young daughter in the relationship with the guy, try to discuss the situation, sincerely show interest and care. Try to see the problem through the eyes of a baby or teenager, because you, too, were young and inexperienced. Just saying, “I know it's hard for you. Do you want to talk about it? ”, You will let the children understand how you care about them.

24. Respect your child’s personality

Do not expect anything excessive from children. The child is under pressure from brothers, sisters, classmates, teachers, and trainers. Help your child understand his / her desires and evaluate opportunities and limitations. Help your child set achievable goals. Encourage them to realize themselves, but you do not need to project your ambition on them and expect them to achieve what you yourself have achieved or hoped to achieve.

Do not decide his fate for the child, this is his path, and you can only advise and guide. Your son or daughter is not required to follow in your footsteps, continue your family business, or fulfill your dreams. Let them make mistakes, dream and learn. Do not try to overly control them, respect the choice. You yourself grew up in a completely different time, under different circumstances. In another family. Fashion, television, social networks - you can’t get away from them, and you don’t need to completely protect the child from all this. It is in your power to teach your child to understand what is good and what is bad, what can be done and what should be ignored.You may think that your path is the most correct path to happiness, but in order to be a good father, you must admit that your children can have their own ideas on how to build their lives.

• By telling your children what to do and how to live, you simply infringe on their independence by trying to control them.
• Understanding the desires of your children will take time. If you don’t understand why your son wants to become an artist, then you’re a doctor, ask him to explain his desire to you and take the time to listen and understand his son carefully.
• If you overly control your children, they will be unhappy and will cease to trust you.
• Let the children make their own decisions; this will make them more independent. If you want to play football, do not insist on it - let the children choose the game that they want to play at the moment.

25. You will never stop being a father

Do not think that since the child is 21 years old or he graduated from university, then you have already done your job. Although it is important to encourage children to become financially and emotionally independent, it is also important to let them know that you worry about them, are always ready to help them and appreciate them.

Everything matters to your children. Everything is remembered and remains in them. Your every hug, your every kiss, every time you wipe their tears, buys them popcorn at the cinema - everything is important to them. Your kindness, your example, your jokes. Everything. You don’t have that much time, and next to you is a very impressionable person for whom you are a role model. Their hero. Show them with your life how to live. When he grows up, you will be surprised at how much you have in common. After all, he always wanted to be like dad.

We also read:

• Raising a son. Father's allowance
• TOP 25 rules for dad who brings up a daughter
• 5 Tips for a New Dad
• 15 acts that are forbidden by a loving father
• Is it easy to be a father or dad can, dad can do anything
• 7 types of non-ideal fathers
• TOP 10 instructions that a father should pass to his son
• What are young dads afraid of?

Recommendations

1. Be patient in everything you do for the children.
2. Always listen to the children.
3. Speak directly with the children, do not hint.
4. Always back up your words with actions; never tell your child "Do what I say, not what I do."
5. The purpose of punishing a child is to show him that his behavior is inappropriate and unacceptable. The use of force to achieve this goal is unacceptable (regardless of the age of the child). Often other approaches, for example, depriving a child of something valuable, turn out to be more effective and do not hurt the child’s self-esteem and respect for you as a parent. Learning what is good and what is bad is a process. And punishments that can lead to short-term results in the long run can have negative consequences.
6. Support the child in time.

Alexander Marchenko: How to become a good father?

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