WHY DO WE SCREAM FOR CHILDREN?

All of us parents often imagine what kind of people our children will grow up: good or bad, polite or rude, tolerant or quick-tempered? And most importantly, what their development depends on: upbringing or is it all a gene pool? Why do children often grow up differently than their parents would like them to be? Why do they become selfish, ungrateful, evil, aggressive adults? What are we doing wrong? After all, we loved them so much, supported us in everything, provided them, we dragged on with our last strength ...

But the whole thing is only upbringing ... Very often, without noticing it, we shout at the children, yell at the top of our voices, wishing that they left us alone, in the end they heard. Then, of course, we feel sorry for them, terribly ashamed of our behavior, because some activity was more important at that moment than the desire and needs of our own child! We just rejected him at that moment ... And we had to listen, explain, play, help. But we are busy, we have no time. It's easier for us to scream than to waste our precious time on meaningless explanations! And we repeat our mistakes again and again.

We also read: What should I do if I constantly scream at my child?

Why do we scream at our children when they simply require our attention, warmth, care and affection? Indeed, by such behavior we ourselves show a child a negative example. And, believe me, he will learn it, quickly learn it!

1. We are stronger than a child. We are parents, and, undoubtedly, we feel our superiority over a small defenseless man. Of course, we have our own important problems, deeds, concerns, which accumulate day by day. All this is terribly annoying, and here’s the “tail” running behind her legs screaming: “Mom, read a fairy tale!”, “Mom, I want to drink!”, “Dad, fix the machine!”, “Mom, I got dirty!” . And so every day. And here we are breaking down on the dearest and closest, beloved man in the whole world. It’s just that he’s always at hand, he will remain silent, will not answer in the same way, and we pour all the accumulated dirt on an innocent creature when it expects and deserves a completely different attitude towards itself. Naturally, after this surge, it became easier for us, but why pour so much negativity on the child? What is he to blame for?
2. We are overly demanding. Surely, each of us in childhood played the game "mother-daughter." And even then we painted in our imagination an ideal child, which we will certainly have as soon as we grow up and grow up. We enumerated all the qualities that the future child should possess, planned his whole life. And now we have a parenting scenario. But are we not playing too much? Come to your senses !!! All this was in childhood and all your ideas have nothing to do with upbringing, adequate upbringing, children! And you do not need to stuff your children with what you were so lacking in your childhood! Have you dreamed of a big lollipop? So buy yourself and enjoy life! Have you ever dreamed of dancing? football? You are welcome! Now you can afford a lot.Just do not need children to dictate how they should live. Let them choose what they want. This is their life!
3. We never have time. Have you noticed that we are always in a hurry somewhere? In the morning we quickly get ready for work, children in the kindergarten or school, on the way we try to call all the necessary numbers from the phone book. At work, too, like a squirrel in a wheel, after work again in kindergarten, home, and then there to eat to cook, work out with a child, vacuum, wash, feed everyone and put to bed. And already around midnight. Time is sorely lacking. And in this rush our lives pass, and our children grow. They say that other people's children grow faster. But I do not quite agree with this statement. Ours are also growing rapidly, but we do not see this. But one day the moment will come when we will realize that the train has left, but it will be too late. After all, we were always in a hurry somewhere, striving for something, but we did not pay attention to what was really important, very important. We are missing our children ...
4. We do not want and do not know how to talk with children. When asked why we are yelling at children, we almost always explain this by the fact that they simply do not understand us or do not want to understand us. Or maybe we don’t want to explain this, or we don’t know how to explain so that they understand us? You did not notice for yourself that almost all of your explanations were built in a hurry, just so that the child was behind? He understood or did not understand, it doesn’t matter anymore, because we dismissed him. We have achieved the desired. And the children, meanwhile, are moving farther and farther away from us. They become more withdrawn, cease to trust us, to believe in us.
5. We play the role of good parents. We have all been told since childhood that children should be brought up in strictness. We have a stereotype that in case of disobedience it is necessary to yell at the child, punish him with all severity, thereby showing what wonderful parents we are and how we care about the behavior of our children. But children become involuntarily puppets in our theater of playing the “right” education. They are simply victims who cannot resist our beliefs. And they learn to play, to play instead of being themselves, to express their “I” whatever it may be.
6. We wind ourselves up. Our whole life passes in fear, in fear of responsibility. We understand that the life and well-being of our little treasures is in our hands. And every minute we try to protect them from all sorts of troubles. Thus, we, as it were, lock our children in a cage, depriving them of the opportunity to live and develop normally. Protecting and over-patronizing our children, we forever deprive them of the opportunity to become independent, fair and wise people. All prohibitions and restrictions will lead to the fact that our children simply will not be able to find their place in society and become its full member.
7. We seek excuses, but do not think about the consequences. Every day we shout at the children, because we do not have enough time, because we are busy, we are in a bad mood, there are more important things than games and empty explanations. But it is unlikely that we have ever thought about what such a method of education can lead to, that it will grow out of a child whose opinions and desires were left unattended at one time. With our own hands, we break the parental connection with the most precious and important that can be in this life. No one says that we do not love our children. We love them very much. But are we showing our feelings for them correctly?

If we do not hear the child, do not pay attention to him, then what kind of gratitude and understanding can we talk about? It is unlikely that our adult children will ever want to share with us their problems, achievements or something else? What for? After all, before we did not care! What has changed now?

All our lives we were in a hurry somewhere, achieved something, without attaching importance to our main task - raising our children. And time passed. Children have grown up. Without us. And not the way we would like to see them, but brought up by indifference, screaming, selfishness.And they don’t need us anymore ... But was that what we wanted from the beginning?

We also read:

• 10 things to learn from children;
• 25 tips for raising a child in love and peace;
• 10 tips to stop yelling at your children;
• Top 10 Parent Mistakes in Parenting;
• 7 things we offend our children;
• How to strengthen your connection with children in 5 minutes.

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