For many parents, an obedient child means a good child. However, trying to ensure that the child unquestioningly follows all our instructions, we inflict irreparable damage to the formation of his personality. What undesirable consequences can strict education bring us and we will tell.
1. Inertness and passivity
When parents force the baby to follow their instructions, his inner freedom and initiative is suppressed. Gradually, a small person loses his will, interest in the manifestation of his own desires, leadership qualities. Growing up, he can become an inert and passive adult who simply floats in the course of life. It is difficult for him to set and achieve goals, to show perseverance and initiative.
To avoid all this, communicate with your child from an equal footing. Respect his wishes, provide an opportunity to make independent choices. Give a little freedom - let him choose: which books to read, which section or circle to go to, which colors to wear, which hobby to choose.
Consult with the baby what you will do together: draw or sculpt, walk in a park or a shopping center. Show that a person can and should take the initiative, but he must also be responsible for his choice. So the child will understand that you respect his personality and freedom.
2. Statement
On the one hand, it is good for parents when a child agrees with them in everything and does not insist on his, sometimes extravagant, desires. On the other hand, such tactics can be very harmful to adult behavior. Growing up, such a child will not be able to defend his point of view, he will agree with everyone, often to the detriment of his interests. In addition, this person will easily fall under the influence of others, not knowing how to say “no” / “I do not want”, he will be easily persuaded to the bad side.
Parents should treat the desires of the child with due attention. More should be allowed than forbidden. Explain to him why you are not allowed to do this or that. If the request of the baby is in doubt, ask him to argue his desire. This will develop his adult position and teach him to strive for his goal in appropriate ways.
3. Low self-esteem
The severity and categoricalness of parents leads to the fact that the child begins to doubt their love. If he is often scolded and condemned for misconduct - it means that he is not good enough, he does not constantly reach the bar of his closest and closest people. This will lead to the formation of low self-esteem.
The kid doubts himself, constantly feels a sense of guilt. But he needs to be sure that his parents love him. To earn their love, he tries to be obedient, but obedience is not his inner choice.
Show the child that he is dear and loved by you on your own, regardless of his behavior.There are just things that upset you. More often tell your child how you love him, learn to forgive petty pranks, avoid evaluations in communication: “you are bad”, “slut”, “lazy person”. Give an assessment of a specific act, but not the personality of the child.
We also read:How to develop a healthy self-esteem in a child?
4. Aggressiveness and pain
The suppression of one’s own desires, the fear of being bad and deserving of parental anger lead to aggression accumulating in the kid. She can find manifestation outside the family: in kindergarten, school, in relation to animals, toys. Or he can turn to himself. Then aggressive impulses can manifest themselves as frequent diseases, the appearance of serious chronic diseases, neuroses.
Anger and discontent are normal emotional reactions inherent in every person. It is important to teach the child to express them in acceptable ways that do no harm to those around him or to himself. Otherwise, they accumulate and have a destructive effect on the person.
Do not scold the baby for negative emotions, help to understand them, show that you understand his feelings. Do not tell the boy that “real men don’t cry”, but to the girl: “you cannot rush headlong”. These are simple ways to throw out negative feelings that a child finds intuitively.
Help the child find a way out for energy: sports, embroidery with beads, drawing. It is important that the child does this without coercion, at his own pleasure. Teach simple methods of self-regulation: beat a pillow or punching bag, count to 10 and breathe deeply, close your eyes and imagine a place where he feels good.
5. Hypercompensation
Overly obedient and calm children in their teens often “get off the hook”: they associate with a bad company, have bad habits, are rude and deny parental authority. Thus, they are trying to compensate for the lack of freedom that they had in their childhood.
Parents must provide the child with a certain share of freedom, which is necessary for the normal development of the individual. Independent walks, games and activities alone with yourself - all this should be in the life of every child, moreover: the older he gets, the more time he can devote to it.
Learn to love and accept your child with its characteristics and disadvantages. Show its value and significance to you. Fairly encourage and punish the cause. Only in this way can he grow up a self-sufficient, active and purposeful person.
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