Comfortable baby. Is obedience always good?

In everyday psychology there is such an interesting concept: a comfortable child. It is a pleasure to deal with these children for all adults. They always come at the first call, follow the instructions of their parents, teachers and doctors, do not indulge, are not capricious. In general, not children, but real angels. What will happen when a comfortable child grows up? Does obedience always benefit children?

Opinion of parents

Elena, mother of a 6 year old girl: “Yesterday someone called Alice“ obedient ”and said that it was very convenient. However, for some reason this made me more upset than pleased. Both I and my husband do not like the word "obedience" in relation to children. He blows something wrong. As if the child should not even obey, but obey, regardless of whether the parents are right or not.

I prefer to say good behavior. This means that the child understands how to behave. Obedience, in my opinion, indicates "blind acceptance." I think that many of you will disagree with me, but for some reason that's how I feel the word "obedience."

We want our Alice:

• I listened to someone else's opinion, but had my own;
• understood the difference between right and wrong;
• grew up a confident, but not arrogant person;
• could tell us when we are wrong, because parents are not supermen and sometimes make mistakes;
• had the courage to oppose injustice;
• respected others, regardless of age;
• could question ...

... and I hope that we are mature enough to deal with Alice’s questions (and criticism) and lead her along the right path. Let it not even be very convenient. ”

Why are comfortable children bad?

As a rule, every child of one year old is active, playful and extremely inquisitive. He is trying to see and feel everything, try everything and go everywhere. Such a baby gives parents a lot of inconvenience: you need to monitor him, protect him from dangers. It is much easier to make it obedient, very calm and manageable - in general, convenient in every way. And all this happens to the detriment of the little prankster.

We also read: how to protect the house from the child

Have you met such children who go to the store and clean the room, and then quietly and calmly sit at home, not doing anything special? What do you say, they always do. But such a child wants to please not only mom and dad, the teacher or teacher, but also everyone who is older or stronger than him. Including those children who agree to recognize him as their own under one condition - he must smoke, drink alcohol, steal and mock the weaker.

And so these former comfortable children grow up and become equally comfortable husbands and wives, striving to fulfill any desire of the spouse and reject their own needs and thoughts. Agree, not everyone will like this kind of agreement.

We also read: how to encourage a child?

What to do?

1. Teach your child to formulate his own position. Try to be more often interested in his opinion about this or that event, deed, person, about your family rules and traditions. Create a safe environment for him, explain to the baby that you will accept any of his answers. It is then that he will be able to speak out frankly, not being afraid of the consequences on your part.
2. Explain that every action has consequences. If you instill a child with a skill, do not do it for yourself. He needs to understand: it is important to be careful because it is useful to him in life. Explain the main advantages of order. If the baby does not want to remove the toys, let him feel the consequences of the decision on himself. For example, he will be ashamed when guests suddenly come to you, or he will not be able to find the thing he needs in such a mess.
3. Take a look at yourself. A comfortable child often grows with the same comfortable parents. Before raising independence and independence in children, ask yourself: are you able to refuse to fulfill someone’s demand that diverges from your desires? How often do you sacrifice your own interests for the sake of good relations with other people? If this happens to you constantly, try to be "uncomfortable." Only by learning independence can you raise this quality in your children.

We also read: 12 signs of a spoiled child

Calm, trouble-free children - this is real mother's joy. They do not bring parents unnecessary problems, and, most importantly, they are so comfortable. It is much more difficult when a young child has his own desires and his own, special point of view. But this is exactly what is needed for a happy adult life. Do you want to see your baby happy or comfortable?

We also read: 

• 10 secrets of raising an obedient child: how to teach children to respect and hear parents
• 5 problems obedient children