Sometimes we break down and don’t think about what and how we tell the child. Meanwhile, the phrases said in haste can turn into children's complexes, which are then very difficult to get rid of.
In this issue I will tell you about what phrases you need to forget forever and never tell your child.
Author: Ksenia, Robert's mother (2 years)
Watch the video: 5 phrases that can not be said to the child
We also read:
- 7 phrases that can not be said to the child
- What words are better not to say to children
- 10 phrases that make children of notorious adults
- Say these 30 phrases to your child so that he grows happy
Text version of the video
1. “Then the evil uncle will pick you up!”
(Leads to the development of neurosis and complexes)
When you are tired, the baby is naughty, and there is no more strength, you break down: “If you do not go to bed, an evil uncle will come and take you!” Instead of uncle, there may be Baba Yaga, a policeman or any other character - it does not matter. Another thing is important: you are the main defense for the baby. When you say that you are ready to give it to someone, he loses the feeling of security and tranquility. This is fraught with complexes from the series: "Nobody needs me," and neuroses.
Pull yourself together, yes, sometimes it’s not easy, but close your eyes, take a deep breath and exhale expel all the anger from yourself. At 2-3 years old, the child already understands everything that they want from him, so persistently, patiently and calmly explain to him everything that you want to get from him.
2. “Take it, just calm down!”
(Promotes the development of egocentrism)
Children are very demanding, and building an adequate framework for what is allowed for caring mothers is not so simple. Therefore, if the child breaks into hysteriaIt seems that it is easier to give him what he wants. In fact, if you let the baby yourself manipulate, he will successfully use it, and the requirements will become more stringent. therefore learn to say no. I noticed that the simple “No” causes the child even more misunderstanding and rejection of the situation.
Therefore, I began not just to forbid something, but to explain the motives of my actions. This allows me to step by step build up my authority in the eyes of the child and ensure that he obeys me the first time.
3. “Why are you not like other children?”
(Negatively affects the child’s self-esteem)
Have you noticed that many teens are constantly trying to imitate someone, instead of living their own lives? Often this behavior is laid in early childhood.
Do not compare your child with other children. Phrases such as: “Katya herself eats, and what are you?” or “Petya helps mom, why don’t you act like Petya?” They do not motivate the child to become better, but destroy his self-esteem.
Motherhood is not a competition, your child will never be the same as the neighboring Vasya, Petit or Olya. Motivate him to be better, use the principle of positive reinforcement, praise when he has done something himself or helped you.
Give him tasks and sincerely rejoice when the child succeeds. This will work much more effectively than your attempts to make it look like someone else.
4. “Stop crying!”
(May cause the child to become closed and hidden)
Children only learn to communicate with the outside world, often they simply cannot explain what is bothering them, and therefore cry. Moms, not understanding what is happening and not seeing the reason, are naturally annoyed and think that all this is a whim, and they must be stopped abruptly.
Remember, if you don’t understand, why is the child crying, this does not mean that he has no good reason. What seems like a trifle to you can be a real tragedy for him. And you do not calm him down with your “stop roaring”, but make it clear that his problems do not exist for you and you do not intend to discuss them with him. This can lead to the fact that the child becomes closed and secretive.
When Robert cries, I can’t understand the reason for his tears, I hug him and try to turn my attention to something else: toys or cars on the street - this helps stop the flow of tears, and only then I find out the reason for what happened.
We also read: how to understand the reasons for crying
5. “You can’t do anything right”
(Forms complexes in the child, including the inferiority complex)
Often in adulthood, we are forced to deal with doubts and fears that our parents accidentally sowed in us.
Whatever the child does, no matter how evil, scared or angry you are, never humiliate or call him names. It is very simple to break a fragile children's psyche, and one careless phrase can inspire the baby with the idea that he will not succeed, and he does everything wrong.
I confess - I’m tired, but I gave myself a clear statement: my child is the best, and he should not doubt it for a minute, and even more so suffer from the fact that I can’t control myself.
It is very important that in your words the child always finds support and understanding. Remember - for kids there are no trifles, and what you said by chance can have irreversible consequences.
Comparing a child with other children affects children differently. At one time, I myself was encouraged to become better than the one I was compared to. And my son grew up completely different, I only tried this trick once and never did it again. Because the comparison annoyed him, but he did everything in his own way.
The kid absorbs information like a sponge.Sometimes we break down and forget to control and filter what we say. And then a person with a mental trauma can grow up. Being a parent is a big responsibility.