Conflicts on the playground: how not to bring to a fight?

Not so long ago in one city there was an unpleasant incident on the playground. The kids didn’t divide the toys among themselves, the parents intervened - as a result, everything turned from a banal quarrel into a grand scandal, even fists went into play.

Here is the video, the conflict occurred on the playground between the parents:

It would seem that the situation is somewhat comical, but nevertheless the beatings were recorded, statements to the police were written, and the court’s decision was already in the hands of all participants in this incident. How to avoid this situation in the future and teach your children to behave properly in playgrounds? Let's figure it out in order.

The kid has already grown up and now he wants to spend more time with his peers. But he still does not know how other children behave and does not know how to interact with them. An important task of parents is to teach their child to be friendly, kind and tolerant. In most cases, babies copy the behavior of their parents and quickly adopt their manner of communication.

Learning to Avoid Conflict

Consider a few typical situations that happen to each parent:

• Strange people make a comment to your baby

You have probably heard more than once strangers allow themselves to express their opinion about the behavior of your child: “Why are you crawling into this puddle, are you soiled?”, “Don't cry like that, you see, your mother is nervous!” or "Do not pull your lock on the jacket, you will tear it!". This behavior is mainly allowed by elderly grandmothers who complain that a lot is allowed to children in our time.

Remember, you are the main defender of your baby and therefore should always be on his side, regardless of situations. Nobody encourages you to swear or fight because of this, but the child should feel your support. If you hear such words addressed to your child, you can simply laugh it off with the phrase: “Yes, he accidentally” or “He just plays like that”, “We have a good mood today.”

Try not to bring this situation to conflict, but in private with the baby to discuss what happened and explain why the unfamiliar aunt spoke so. It will be easier for him to receive criticism from you than from this aunt.

• You came to ride on a swing, and they are already taken

Tell your little one that while the swing is busy, he can ride a slide or play in the sandbox. Reassure him with assurances that he will certainly ride them, but a little later. You can “take a turn” and come back later. And you can offer your child something on a swing in return if he gives way, for example, playing with your toy.

Be sure to explain to the kid that not only he wants to ride on a swing, there are other children, so everyone on the site must respect each other and be able to concede. Patience and the ability to adapt to circumstances is an important part of raising a child.

• Kid hit

This is the most unpleasant situation on a walk.Remember, no one is ever allowed to beat other people's children! Even if this happened as a result of a game or skirmishes between children, neither children nor adults are allowed to hit your child. Let him be a hundred thousand times wrong and you yourself think that he behaves badly - but only you can decide how to punish him for it.

Speak out against such communication, hold the child to you and ask if it hurts much. Restrain your anger, but be sure to make a note to the one who hit the baby. You can say this: “You can’t fight!”, “Never behave yourself like that again!” and “He (or she) just wanted to play with you, and you immediately fight. Let's play a game together so that no one quarrels. ”

No need to take your child aside and say that his offender is bad or harmful, that you no longer need to play with him. Children's grievances are short-lived, most likely, tomorrow they will become bosom friends.

• A toy was taken from a child

If this situation happened and your baby calmly reacted to it, you should not focus on this either. Take the toy when you are going home. But in the case when your child is dissatisfied with such behavior, cries and asks you to help, you must solve this problem.

You can try to persuade him to “exchange” toys for a while, say so: “Let Olya play with your doll, and you take her cubes.” Most likely, Olga herself will not agree to such an exchange and will hasten to give someone else's toy. And if you do not agree? Then you can just go up to her and ask her to return with the words: "Sorry, please, but this toy is my daughter and she does not want to give it to anyone."

It is not necessary to be good for other children, infringing on the interests of your child. The toy belongs to your baby, and he himself has the right to dispose of it at his discretion. If he does not want to give, let him not give. Do not forget that the child is your part, so his desires should be yours.

• Your child selects toys himself

Foreign toys always seem more interesting, so kids want to play with them even more than with their own. What to do when your baby doesn’t do the best and takes away other toys from other children?

Explain to him that you should always ask permission from the owner of the toy, and without this you can’t touch other people's things. Come with him to the owner of the treasured toy (or to his mother) and politely ask: “Can you play with your typewriter (train, rubber elephant or a beautiful ball)? And we can give something else in return. ” Let the kid learn from you how to build relationships with other people.We also read:If the child is not friends with anyone: the fight against child loneliness

• The little baby picks himself up

If your child began to behave like a real bully (pushing children, throwing toys at them or pouring sand or dirt on them), in no case should be inactive. Kids are very sensitive to the reaction of adults to their behavior, so your discontent should be expressed very clearly.

Immediately comment on him so that he stops acting like that. You can say: “Do you like it if they pour sand on you?” or “Kids hate it when you do it. Do you want to play with them? Then behave yourself! ” And before those whom your kid offended, you need to apologize and say that he did so by accident and this will not happen again. It will be better if he does it himself, but without excessive pressure on your part. Be sure to read the article how to teach a child to apologize - https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-nauchit-rebenka-izvinyatsya.html

• Kids independently understand their relationship

You should not interfere in a dispute between children when this happens in a relaxed manner. But if you feel that the tension is growing and the situation is heating up, try to turn their attention to a foreign object. For example, say: “And where did this dog suddenly run?” or "Who can guess how many legs a turtle has?" The main thing here is to distract their attention from the quarrel.

No need to try to figure out who is right, who is to blame. Then you have to take someone’s position and thereby offend one of the kids. The best option is to invite the children to go for a ride together on a hill or to see which ladybugs climb in the grass near the house.

We also read: What to do when children bite each other?

To teach your child to cope with difficult situations and make decisions independently, while not offending or harassing other children, is the main task of parents. Your baby will grow up a capricious egoist or become the owner of a large number of friends, depends mainly on his upbringing.

We also read:

• 6 conflict situations on the playground: share toys without quarrels
• We take the child out of the playground without hysteria: easier than it sounds
• Important rules for child safety in the playground - teach your child to play in the playground
• Intersection of interests or how to calm little brawlers?

Video consultation

The psychotherapist Olga Popeyko on the air of the program of the TC UNION “Learning to grow with love” from 10/03/2015.
How does the child behave on the playground? Peacefully playing, being attacked, or being an aggressor? How do parents respond to childhood conflicts? See the answers in this video:

What if your two year old child offends other children in the playground? If a boy hits or bites other children, offends girls? Of course, the child’s parents do not feel very comfortable in such situations. How to behave? How to avoid conflict? What to do if you are angry with your baby? In this video, we will discuss this situation in detail:

Abstracts from the video:

0.38 First: tell your child how to behave in conflict in principle.
Second: when the conflict deserves your attention.
There are two degrees of conflict: the first is when two children curse or scream with each other. How to behave in such situations?
1.20 First hug and calm the baby. All reasonable actions make sense only when the child is calm. If the parents of another child begin to contact you at this time, just turn away and continue to reassure. And then tell the child what needs to be done next.
2.06 It often happens that the child flatly refuses to apologize. What to do? We play the situation so that the child understands how great it is that they apologized to him and offered another option. It is a wonderful feeling and a great experience.
3.28 Your children swear and you decide to intervene. When you get involved in a childhood conflict, always say “our children.” Benevolently and decisively appropriate other people's children. “Our children quarreled, I will help your child, and you mine.”
4.20 Squat, listen carefully to everyone. Ask: What did you want to do together? Objective: push the conflict forward, and not find out who is right. So they keep playing. Neutralize the conflict with the words “our children” and “help to figure it out”. It is important to say that everything will be fine.
6.20 Your task is to make them laugh a little. And say further, “let's play.” If you offer something interesting, they will quickly switch to it.
7.30 we often treat children as accessories. They beat my accessory, they break it, I'll go figure it out. Parental intervention at this level yields nothing. If the child is in tears - warm him with your love. And then you can tell everything.

How to raise a child generous?

Each of us is somewhat selfish. But it’s one thing when this egoism is healthy and correct, and quite another when it goes beyond and turns into excessive love for oneself and greed as a result. This is especially true for children. Sometimes, spoiled by loving parents who, of course, want only the best, our children show an acute unwillingness to share and think only about themselves and their own well-being. It would seem that to take from a child, because over the years his personality will change more than once. However, often children's greed over the years not only does not disappear, but also progresses with incredible force. Let's fight this problem and educate our children with generous and kind people.Well, some of our tips will help you deal with this -https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/psihologiya-detey/kak-vospitat-rebenka-shhedryim.html

My child is a greedy - what to do? Fight or put up? Reasons for childhood greed

Everyone knows the picture: the baby does not want to give his toy to someone else, but the parents insist: “We must share! Are you greedy? Then no one will play with you! ” So they render their child a “bear service”, and destroy the nascent necessary personality traits - https://kid.htgetrid.com/en/eto-polezno-znat/moy-rebenok-zhadina-chto-delat-borotsya-ili-smiritsya-prichinyi-detskoy-zhadnosti.html