Excessive shyness indicates that the child has low self-esteem. And although he does not realize this, he feels great. Helping such a baby is to increase confidence in their own actions and actions. And here the main principle will be - do no harm! Wrong words and methods will only aggravate the situation.
Is it worth paying attention to?
On the one hand, modesty gives the girl charm. You can’t call a shy kid annoying, annoying or arrogant. These are responsive and friendly people, they will always listen, they will come to the rescue. Faithful friends come out of modest girls and guys.
On the other hand, it can be a disaster when a child is not able to communicate normally with children, play with them, make friends. He is frightened by new people and surroundings. The kid is worried, but can not help himself.
These small problems will turn into huge ones in the future. Shy people often remain lonely, it is difficult for them to find the second half and start a family. Because of their timidity and stiffness, they are invisible and unsuccessful.
Man is a social being. He cannot live outside society. And the responsibility of adults is to help such a child. That is, to teach how to interact with people. And it’s better to start doing this in early childhood.
Psychology: Shy Children
Shyness, indecision in modern life, if not a flaw, then certainly a character trait that interferes in many ways. Where does excessive shyness come from in children, and how can we help a child?
Signs of shyness
A shy child is easily distinguished from the crowd. Away, he does not depart from his mother, hiding behind her back, silently. Where all the children play, this baby quietly sits aside and watches sadly.
- Common signs. Rapid pulse, tension in the muscles, profuse sweating, a bright blush - the first symptoms. They fetter the baby, do not let him relax. As a result, the child feels severe discomfort. A quiet voice, excessive excitement, if paid attention to, join this. The kid is cautious in actions. It’s easier for him not to do at all in order to remain inconspicuous.
- Self-criticism. Such children are too demanding on their own person. They consider themselves worse than others, inferior. This applies to both appearance and behavior. As a result, the complexes are even more distant from people.
- Closure. Closed children in any team.It’s hard to draw them into conversation or engage in social activities. They try to keep silent about questions, prefer loneliness to fun games.
- Shyness. Any child will be happy when he is praised, but not this kid. It’s easier for him to stay in the shade than to get a portion of a little attention. Public praise for him is stress.
- Timidity. Fear of novelty and public. New people, places, any unfamiliar situation. The kid is trying to get away from her, to hide. He feels calm only in the familiar atmosphere.
- Indecision. It is hard for such a child to make decisions. He feels uncertainty in his own actions and thoughts. Doubts torment him: he is doing the right thing or not. Even small tasks cause enormous difficulties.
- Speech impairment. These children in ordinary life are uncommunicative, they don’t talk with strangers - they are shy. Performance in public is contraindicated for them. Fear and anxiety can lead to stuttering, stumbling in speech.
Where does shyness come from?
To help your child overcome excessive modesty and insecurity, you need to know the reason for its origin. Sometimes, eliminating the source, the problem itself disappears.
- Heredity. If close relatives, including parents, in the family suffered from shyness, the baby could inherit this quality.
- By virtue of temperament. Phlegmatic and melancholic by nature are prone to shyness. Introversion is also characteristic of these types of temperament. That is, they are focused not on external communication with surrounding people, but on their inner world.
- An example of parents. Children learn to interact with society, repeating the behavior of adults. If in a family one of the relatives has this quality, the child could copy it.
- Parenting. Sometimes parents themselves, without suspecting it, bring up shyness in the kid. Criticism, frequent punishments, prohibitions without explanation form a certain behavior of the child. He tries to meet the expectations of adults.
- Cruelty. When a family is in a dysfunctional situation, there is psychological pressure, tyranny or assault, the baby closes, grows shy and sandwiched.
- Long isolation. In other words, lack of experience. This occurs when the child is often sick and sits at home. The reason may be a closed family policy of the family. Parents paid little time for the baby to communicate with other children.
- Hyperopec. As a kind of special (intentional) isolation. This is excessive custody of family and friends over the child. It occurs in overly anxious and suspicious parents. Fearing for the health of the baby, or that they might offend, adults deliberately do not allow contact with outsiders. It is typical for parents suffering from hyper-custody to keep their children in “home confinement”.
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A shy child: a future loser?
How to help a child?
The baby will not cope with this task on its own. And in the future, a small problem may develop into a big tragedy. What should parents do?
- Praise. Encourage and encourage the child verbally: “You will succeed!”, “You are so clever!”, “I am proud of you!”. Do this as often as possible. When the baby feels the support of loving parents, it gives confidence.
- Demonstrate how important it is. Ask your child for an opinion on a particular issue. When choosing clothes, any purchases for the home, a surprise for dad, grandmother. Let the baby feel that they are being reckoned with, that his opinion is important. Thus, children's self-esteem is growing.
- Show that adults are wrong too. And there is nothing to worry about. Parental authority is of great importance to the baby. Seeing that even adults make mistakes, the child will have a different attitude to their own failures. Teach him not to focus on mistakes, but try to correct them.
- Train effortlessly. Children try on social roles through the game. Hone the skills of interaction with society in the plot games: “On a visit”, “At a clinic”, “Bus”, “Toys go to kindergarten”.A child without fear and anxiety can try himself in any way. Here you can rehearse the use of polite words, how to get to know each other correctly, the rules of behavior in public places and more.
- Give errands. Simple tasks that the baby can perform independently. Start with the simplest ones: give money to the seller at the checkout, transfer the thing to an adult, help collect the necessary products in the store. And be sure to praise.
- Visit crowded places. Being in crowded places, the child gets used to being in society. In addition, he sees patterns of behavior of other babies: how they communicate, get acquainted, interact. No need to insist on playing with children, let them watch. Over time, he himself will be interested to try. But you need to be in such places often.
- Invite children to visit. The child feels more confident in his territory. Here he is the master, everything is familiar to him here. It’s easier for a kid to decide on contact with people surrounded by familiar surroundings and toys.
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"Advice from a child psychologist" How to overcome shyness in children?
Parent Mistakes
A timid, modest child is easy to hurt. He closes himself from others, but hears and understands everything. Sometimes relatives and relatives themselves, without realizing it, provoke his shy behavior.
- The desire to remake the child. Adults specifically create the situation that the baby is most afraid of. They focus on the problem, discuss it out loud, and ask them to tell the poem to the public. For shy crumbs, this is stress. The effect will be the opposite of what was expected. The child closes even more and ceases to trust parents.
- Do not pay attention. “He is like that with us!” or "Growing up, he will change!". Ignoring is also a mistake. The situation itself will not change. This will develop into a complex with which he will not be able to cope on his own. The kid can remain shy, lonely and miserable for life.
- Waiting for a quick effect. Even following all the rules and precautions, do not expect a quick result. The child needs time. In each case individually. Do not force events. Create conditions, encourage the smallest achievements and his first independent attempts. Be a friend to your child!
What can not be done categorically
- Criticize.
- Compare with other children.
- Shame in public.
- To focus on the problem.
Many complexes of people are rooted in childhood. Therefore, the responsibility of timely assistance to a small loved one lies with the parents. The sooner an adult pays attention and helps the baby, the easier and faster the child will step over the “shy" stage of development.
We also read:
- How to increase self-esteem for a child
- 10 ways to teach your child to believe in yourself and not be afraid of anything
- 12 tips for raising a confident child
- Unsure child: how to help your child become more confident
- Bad advice: how to raise a child insecure
- If the child is not friends with anyone: the fight against child loneliness
Mom’s school. Shy child. How to cultivate self-confidence in him and teach him to stand up for himself?
First, you need to communicate more often and play with your child, go to the playground so that he can more often communicate with peers. In general, the more and more the child will contact people, the faster he will get rid of shyness, only society will help the baby become socialized.
After reading the article, I realized many of my mistakes in relation to the child, a lot depends on our parents and this is more likely not heredity, but how the child sees his parents and does the same. I’ll try to follow your recommendations to make the child feel more confident)
Most of the psychological problems a child has is precisely because of his parents: whether he is too self-confident or, conversely, closed and timid. Now is the time that any difficulty in education is removable. It does not matter, on their own or with the help of specialists. The main thing is not to be shy to acknowledge the existing problem and your mistakes, which you should study and correct, before it's too late.
It is necessary to raise a child correctly and to devote a lot of time to him, to remind the child how beautiful and good he is, then he will not have an underestimated opinion of himself and will not be shy in the end, there are also cases when children are closed because of that they are being bullied at home or not put in anything, so that proper education is the main solution to this issue.